The plot was great, and I was personally moved by the weight of the story's emotion. However, you should be careful when conveying whether or not something was expertly written to someone whose first language isn't English. The story itself needs much editing in terms of punctuation and grammar. Yes, you are right that being immersed in a story goes beyond technicalities surrounding grammar. However, it is exceedingly difficult to become immersed in a story that isn't clear about who the subject is due to lack of proper transitions.
I am a writer myself and speak very fluid English, but even I found myself having to reread a few of the paragraphs above just because I couldn't automatically tell who was speaking at certain points. It must have been even more difficult for those who aren't fluent in English.
Is the story good? Yes, I think it was great actually. Is it expertly written? Not likely, but all writing improves with time and diligence. I'm looking forward to seeing how this author grows!