I can't come to the light by dwelling on and studying the darkness
You had to live through it once. That was hard enough, apparently. If you can put it aside--that's great.
In my family we seem to be haunted by our experience as children. Each of us in our own way, tried to put it aside. Five of us did that with mixed success. For me, writing about it, even drawing pictures of scenes I remember, that was one way to gain control of the memories.