That was awesome!
I laughed numerous times, but this part especially got me.
"Work was great hon, Baby went out with Tizzy the Grizzly Bear and Marley the Gnarly Snail."
Tizzy the Grizzly Bear and Marley the Gnarly Snail are some of the most creative and funny names I've seen in a while.
I feel like you combined many different worlds into this great retelling, and it was clever, funny and fun to read.
And.. While there were a number of awesome entries and it was difficult to choose I think this one is the one that resonated with me most, I'm voting for this one this round. Great work magicalmoonlight!