The sun shined orange into my dorm in the early hours of today. I stretched from my bed and my consciousness came running back to me, I am still the same me- the same guy I am stocked with every single day of my life. How worse would marriage be like?
"Hey!" I greeted my roommate. The guy never takes his studies serious, he ain't going to school- He never takes life serious but he is sure happier than I am. As I have my bath, the cold water streamed from the shower cooling the pains ahead to come. Everyday has always been the same. I wish I decided to study something with a more promising life like English or Chemistry. Medical school is torture. No time for your life, all is dedicated to piles of books and unyielding patients.
I put on my pants and shirt, throw a bag on with random notebooks. I hope I did not forget anything as I wished my room mate luck in his day. I went out to school.
As I looked out into the sky, it was promising blue. The sun was already shiny and it made me remember good old days when I was young and naive- knowledge comes with a price. Innocence however is not palatable. There are bullies everywhere. Bullying didn't stop in high school, it only changed form and names. The government in my country are real bullies, some lecturers are bullies, and even under the same predicament, some of my mates are also bullies. We ought to sit together, reason and navigate ourselves out of troubles but no, they enjoy dealing with their emotional insecurities by making others feel inadequate.
Today seemed like a new start. A door leading out of my awkwardness and unhappy life. But men, how wrong was i?. Who was I deceiving? There seem to be no shift. I have gone through the whole internet and I can say its contents by heart. I have more podcasts than music on my Iphone. I have taken actions and bold steps, there seemed to be no change.
But I discovered something, there is nothing easy! Success ain't easy and neither is failure. It's all hard, everything.
Don't judge me, you have no right! I am not perfect and neither are you. We are just a bunch of blind bats trying to figure our self in a confused world. I seem to see an orange on a tree but yet, I perceive it to be a guava. This is just so confusing!
ej
I am dead sure if I am to read this diary tomorrow, it will relieve less, instead it will add to my mystery.
I heard no life's perfect, and that everyone have an equal share of imperfection. Yeah, this may be true- I've been fortunate enough to have a few people confide in me. Imperfection makes the world real, challenging and exciting. But we should not counter the fact that in some cases, it brings intense pain. This world is really confusing.
I got to class, lecture was to start in thirty minute time. I sat alone, not wanting to talk to anyone- I wanted to be by myself. Then some random guy shoutes my name in front of the whole class, he wanted them to recognise my presence in the class, he was creating an attention towards me, or more accurately - he wanted attention.
No one really borderd about my presence, I guess God answered my prayers last night. Like I said, I have my flaws and so does everyother person except we want to act gods. I guess they realised that all of a sudden.
The world hate me and taught me to do same to my poor self. Sometimes I feel this ain't me! I am bigger and stronger! Sadly, my thoughts ain't my deed, there is a sliver lining. I can't even stand a bully yet. Who can deliver me of my predicaments? Who can pure water from my steam?
No one cares, they are all busy- caught in the rave of self actualization. And what are we actualising? Which part of us are we questing to discover? This is who we are! Else, we are a bunch of confused fellows, running a race set by none.
Boy do I look like it but I ain't acting nothing. Above all, all I have is life, given by divinity so as to continue in hope!
@jiossm
Declaimer: Original post written by @jiossm, image source is pexel.com under cc0 licence!
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