Dear Steemians:

It seemed that I’ve been missing out a lot lately in Steemit. I wasn’t able to make posts for I’ve been facing multitude of challenges in life recently. Many awful things happened suddenly and mostly the least I expected. I don’t know how to start with this but I certainly feel depressed right now. My Grandmother passed away yesterday at 3:15 AM in Intensive Care Unit.

I was working something on a laptop when suddenly my aunt texted me for help. She was like ,"Rachel, I need your help. Please find me a hospital that has a vacant slot in ICU (Intensive Care Unit) . Your grandma was hit in a terrible accident. Our doctor here referred us to your hometown for further medical intervention.”

I went dumbfounded after that. I couldn’t explain the feeling, my hands were cold and shaking, my heart started to palpitate forcefully. And all I could think at that time was to rush outdoors and run to hospitals right away.

After 2 hours, my grandma accompanied with my aunt had finally arrived in a hospital then she was rushed to Emergency room. The sight of her was very awful. I could barely recognize her because of the terrible bloody ecchymosis on both eyes and her swelling face. Her head and shoulders were drenched with blood. Her ETT (endotracheal tube) and NGT (nasogastric tube) was oozing with blood that it needed frequent suctioning to clear out her airway. I was crying hysterically while seeing her unresponsive.

My Aunt narrated what happened. My grandma was hit by a fast-running vehicle that delivers tons of hardware and metal equipment. She was about to cross the street to run some errands of paying bills at that time. The impact got her head almost squashed and her ribs were injured too that punctured her lungs.

A doctor assessed her cautiously and she was with GCS Glasgow Coma Scale score of 3, which is the neurological assessment of a dead person. Only me and my two aunts were there at the ER. The scene was very miserable and hopeless.

The ER nurses went very busy until a neurosurgeon intervened and made medical findings for my grandma. According to the doctor, “it’s too late”. He made his statements in simplest ways for us to understand the whole thing. Upon studying her Ct scan findings, the doctor said that there will be only .8% to get my grandma alive. That meant, even if he would create a hole on her skull during the surgical operation to relieve the pressure inside her head, her brain was totally damaged because of brain herniation/destruction due to increased intracranial pressure. The contusion also added the brain injury. Furthermore, she has lost a lot of blood because of internal bleeding inside her head which also caused the increased pressure. The doctor honestly conveyed that the Craniectomy won’t bring back the functionality of her brain.

It was easier for me to understand everything that happened to her not only I am a nurse myself but its because I’ve had handled several cases like this before. I knew it was really hopeless for her to survive the accident and the gruesome injury she had sustained.

My Aunt called her other siblings to report about what happened to Grandma and about what the doctor conveyed. After almost an hour, they came to a consensus to decline the operation (craniectomy). For them, they could not stand seeing their old mother suffering and vegetated for the few moments of her life.

We admitted grandma into the Icu with a fervent hope of miracle that she would still be alive after all. I prayed, I knelt , begging for one last chance, to be with her eventually.

After a few moment, the ICU went on Code blue. They resusciated my grandma twice. The phisician on duty did her very best to revive her.

EVen if we were not allowed inside to enter, I knew what could’ve happened in there. I can feel the tension inside the ICU, the struggle, the fear and the hopelessness.

At exactly 3:15 am, she was pronounced dead. The doctor showed the flat line of her ECG reading. And there I was, burst into tears at my grandmas bedside.

Steemians, I am in terrible pain. I'm writing this to express how I feel and how I regretted so much. The feeling is very raw, depressing and empty. Her death has affected my daily life. The happy thoughts of her will never be forgotten. I love my grandma so much but I wasn’t able to let her know and feel that when she was still alive.

Its so stupid, any elderly like her could’ve died because of lingering illness due to old age. But instead, she died due to a vehicular accident while she’s very healthy. That is the reason why it took me a long while to accept everything.

Right now, her cadaver was transported back to her hometown in Surigao del Norte where her funeral will take place. I'm gonna make some arrangents for my leave. I’ll be going to her hometown in few days.

Rest in Peace Nanay Linda. I love you so much. You’ll always be remembered.

I accept all your sympathies for her death. And I know some of you had also felt this way before. Its not easy to lose someone I love and whom I shared memorable moments with. Thanks for dropping by my page. Please Resteem and Upvote.