I struggled with depression since I was 16, I always feared medical help because my writting would go away. I used to harm myself, and imagine all sorts of scenarios of me dying or killing myself. Falling down could go on for months after little things had put me down for some reason, I also missed someone I loved and kept living in the past, blaming myself that no one would want me. I had to give in, in regards to medical help, my anxiety got so bad I could not live with it anymore, I couldn't do anything on my own, neither could I do things I liked such as listening to music because it exhacerbated the anxiety. Lexapro made the feeling of going down a spiral go away, but I had to give a lot of my writting inspiration in exchange. Things have changed in my life, I got the oportunity to be in a different culture and I learnt that there is many people who would love you, not only one whom you got attached to in the past. Of course I still get depressed from time to time, but I still want to see many things. :)