I definitely get stressed out by notifications on my phone all the time. I don't really mind the notifications through my browser most times though. But Discord is fucking annoying as fuck! It simply won't shutup a lot of times. I have to completely mute it, because I simply can't deal with it sounding off all the fucking time.
But I like using SteemWorld for all my Steem notifications. I just watch it for upvotes and mentions and such. When I get a mention, it just pops up a browser notification, which quickly disappears.
As to what you were saying about people mentioning and messaging you...I kinda think that's rude as hell. If I have a question about something, I'll ask in a chat room if possible and try to avoid annoying someone in a message.
I also wouldn't dare ask about why someone didn't upvote something... I might press them if they thought something was wrong with it, I guess, but that's only my trying to improve myself.