What a whirlwind of a life i was about to undertake at just 25 years old.
Money, men, women, drugs, drink, 6am finishes travelling the world... the list goes on. Am i grateful? Yes. Am I traumatised? Also yes.. read on if you want to know what it was like, running a strip club, at 25 in the UK.
I guess you're wondering how I landed up in that position? Well it came about when I was pondering around the club club my hot ass stripper friends and I wanted a new venture, the manager mentioned the position of "House Mum" was newly available, all the girls were squeaking and sqwaking with excitement over the potential of me being their new "Mama" so I said "f*ck it" next thing I know, I'm slapping on my makeup, my pencil skirt and necking a glass of prossecco or 3 to calm my nerves.
8pm I'm there, having already napped to be ready for the 6am finish, I was anticipating my first night!
What does being a House Mum entail you might wonder?
It's basically, looking after wild strippers, their money, their alcohol intake, their wellbeing and their shifts, making sure they look good, smell good (we will get into that) perform well, and don't get themselves into any trouble!
What I didn't realise was just how much of a "Mum" I would become to some of these girls. Being the empath I am, I somewhat enjoyed the endless breakdowns and in a way, therapy sessions I encountered with these remarkable women!
An average night would start with me, making sure all the girls were on time, paid up, and looking good.. the price tags of some of the Lingerie some of these goddesses would wear, was more than the price of my whole wardrobe combined!
Usually a round of Rose mixed with Lemonade was poured x20 for the glamorous flock. 3 Drink Rule was in place, but let's be honest I didn't give a sh*t aslong as they made money, behaved and didn't rip eachothers heads off, bottoms up I say!
As the first man approaches, our seasons pros would surround him, before he got a chance to even take a breathe of the place, to set the scene, mix Fake Tan, wine, cheap perfume and sweat with no windows... you can imagine. Anyways, these girls knew exactly what to say and do to take this man's yearly income in 1 night. Yearly is a slight exaggeration, but not unheard of.
The excitement and jealousy in the air as these women or Woman (depending) took the first man to enter the doors, down for a dance within 5 mins with just a whisper in the ear, you could feel the anger exuding from the "Low Earners" like they had a chance?
I follow on to make sure all payments are taken, and the man knows all the rules and blah blah blah... "He wants us for the hour" now at £500 per girl per hour, even I was excited! This was never uncommon and these women knew how to get this man's money!
As the night goes on, and im taking drinks orders to VIP rooms, making big tips whilst doing so, keeping check on girls and their behaviour and men and their wandering hands..I'm shattered but the buzz and thrill (and free prossecco) made this the best job I've ever had! Opening the toilet cubicle and hearing heavy sniffs, "I hope she's not ill" oh have naive I was..
Making my way back upstairs to the main floor, 3 girls are bickering at the bar, the bicker soon becomes an explosive argument, as drinks are thrown and hair is pulled... this is my job and my time to pry these chihuahuas off eachother, with the help of a large doorman.. Turns out one had "stolen" the others customer, to break it down, a customer no longer wanted one girl, so he took another, and the original girl was not happy with this, so proceeded to take it out on said girl. Make sense? Yeah not so much.. but this was a nightly occurance, she stole him, he wanted me blah blah blah..
In the end the 3 girls were sent home and fined for their very unladylike behaviour. May I add these women were all in there 30's... I know right.
Moving on. I became an absolute pro, at spotting trouble before it began, finding top spenders, making tips and running the club like a well oiled machine, well, whilst the owner wasn't in, when he did make an appearance I felt the club melting around me with no way of stopping it. But his story is one for another time.
To end the night, the girls would gather in an orderly fashion outside the office door and cash out for the night, we'd take a percentage and so would they. Their earnings were all on a system, so we knew exactly what they'd made. As did they. Some girls felt it necessary to shout to the rooftops about the thousands they'd made, again... whilst others quietly cashed out their mere £80, always followed by some excuse as to why they didn't make much that night, and the 6 nights before with the same faces. I often wondered why they did the job, as some only made in a week, what I would in a night?
As the cashing out went on, stories from the night flowed between the tired girls, or arguments, depending on the nights scenes. Myself and the other manager however, always had a good laugh over what they came out with. To say they have no filter, would be an understatement.
Lock the doors, grab my Kebab and get home..
Follow me for more wild, insightful and down right dirty tales of my life as a Novice to Pro House Mama!
Wow, I can only imagine what a demanding but adventurous job this must have been! You didn't say how much you earned, has to be a lot for a job like that.
Meanwhile, this 'Mum' life can make for very great and interesting reads, keep the stories coming in, please. I quite enjoyed this one. I'm telling you if I lived this Mum life I can make a thousand anecdotes from it😂😂
Thank you!! Part 2 is up now if you fancy a read, let me know know you think 😊
Cool, I'mma check it out.
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