Probably, to some extent. It’s not something I do consciously, but when I discover something that has been active unconsciously, I also discover the filters associated with it.
So… back when I felt I needed to be a very well behaved client, I tended to talk about things that I felt made me look good, or at least well behaved. It’s not that I didn’t speak honestly and vulnerably. I was just… selective about what vulnerable things to honestly share.
When working through fears that he would abandon me and our work, I tended to share in a way that at the same time provided good arguments for why he should keep me around as a client.
I think I went through a phase where I was pretty anti-IFS (with M wanting to do IFS with me) and so I shared things that would also provide good arguments that the type of therapy I preferred was really working.
None of what I brought to session was inauthentic. I was very open, vulnerable, transparent. But yes, those filters were active.
I feel like since two sessions ago I’ve discovered a deeper layer of confidence in our relationship and that all of me is truly welcome with him.
But before I could really explore what that meant, I had a breakdown and with it, more insights and a whole new bit of darkness and pain that needs to be explored and processed.
So… in a way, two things happening at once. Confounding factors… to drive the scientist part of me a little batty.
I suspect a discovery of additional filters I was previously unaware of will be part of the process.