Do you think it’s emotionally immature to ask my T whether she cares about me and how much? My T said that I am regressing again after I asked her if she cared about me and to tell me how much. It’s almost like she finds me annoying. She’s called me emotionally immature and I find it a bit hurtful. She said my whole family is narcissistic…. I don’t know it just makes me feel pretty awful about myself like I’m being judged? Can anyone relate?
Let’s just say for the sake of argument that is is emotionally immature to ask your T whether she cares about you and how much. So what? This is therapy! Therapy is the place we go to in order to get help and support with our feelings, all of them, including the ones we want to change. They should all be welcomed into the room.
There is nothing a client can bring to therapy that should ever be judged as wrong, immature, regressive, or anything bad. The only thing that should determine if you need help with something you bring to session is if you feel you need help with that thing.
As for the comments your T made, on the surface they don’t sound good at all. I can see why you would feel judged and how that could lead to you feeling awful about yourself.
That said, I also wonder what the therapist actually said, and I’m curious about how you may be interpreting what she said. I know that I have certain filters that I run things other people say through, which means those things get interpreted in certain ways based on my own history of having been abused. The other person may not have meant how I took it, but I can get so convinced that anyone would interpret what they said the way I do that it feels like absolute truth.
My point is that either your therapist actually said stuff to you that’s judgmental and shows weakness as a therapist… or you are unconsciously interpreting other things she said in particular ways that make you feel judged.
The way to find out is to bring up what she said, or what you think she said, that bothered you, and express how you felt about it. A good therapist will help you explore all that. She will also take responsibility for anything she may have said or done wrong and work with you to make things right between you.
A not so good therapist will respond defensively and be too quick to tell you you’re getting it all wrong, without seeking to understand where you’re coming from.
I’m not sure which type of therapist you have. The way to find out is to bring this up in session and see what happens.