You’d have to ask my husband to know for sure, but I don’t think any of it has bothered him too much.
At one point I explained the basics of transference in therapy and later, attachment, and how those all work, especially how the therapist takes whatever feelings come up and uses them for the client’s healing.
I didn’t give him any details about how all this played out for me (that feels too awkward)… but he’s a smart guy and can put two and two together. And he’s welcome to ask me any questions he wants. He hasn’t. He has been very supportive of my work with M.
We both ask each other at times how the other’s therapy is going, but we don’t press. It’s whatever part of it the other wants to talk about.
Most of what I share with my husband about my therapy concerns what I call the work itself. Insights I’m gaining, particular things I worked on in a session, and most recently… dynamics, dynamics, dynamics. I might share about stuff that came up between M and me if it connects to earlier dynamics from my past or even our marriage. Mostly, I’m starting to notice stuff in our marriage from that perspective… and he’s catching on.
I guess that’s probably the biggest practical benefit to me from all the various positive and negative transferences I’ve had with M, and the various ruptures we’ve repaired that involved a good conversation about the dynamics that played into said rupture. The love between M and me helps me feel safe in exploring and working through all that in a largely connected way. Now I’m much better about spotting dynamics in other relationships and talking about them with the other person rather than simply getting mired in and playing whatever “role” assigned to me in the drama.
I suppose given that me falling in love with M has already improved our marriage in some ways… I suppose my husband has good reason to not be too concerned about it.
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