Checking in on my attachment to M, it feels solid and secure. I’ve been quite busy lately and don’t know exactly when my next session will be—he’s currently on vacation and I didn’t want to schedule anything at the time of our last session—so I haven’t really thought about him or therapy too much. But I feel like everything is still good, and I’m looking forward to connecting with him again… whenever that happens.
The most recent therapy event that noticeably strengthened our attachment and the depth of our relationship in terms of my sense of safety in it was when he acknowledged that about a year ago he’d been unkind to my “Miss Control Freak” part. I felt like as soon as he acknowledged that I was able to sink in even deeper and while I felt safe before, I felt even more safe after that.
I felt so safe, in fact, that without even thinking about it, two sessions later I disclosed something I’m really not proud of and don’t yet know how to stop. I didn’t even think anything of it until later, and then I felt sheepish. I briefly wanted to text him for reassurance, or even backpedal on what I’d shared… but in the end decided against it, figuring I was still just as safe with him as before, and that what I’d shared didn’t change anything. I suppose the strength of my attachment to him grew in that moment as well.