I had my first post-covid shutdown session with M about a month into it, and that was one of just a very few times that M disclosed more extensively about himself and how he was doing. Normally any question I ask about him lands me an interesting but brief answer and then we move onto my favorite subject which is me. But that session I asked him how he was doing with “all of this” and we must have spent a good solid ten or fifteen minutes in him telling me very honestly and transparently how he actually was doing. I learned a lot about what he was doing for self care, his developing thoughts and feelings on what was this nearly universal shared experience, how even in therapy the ways covid has disrupted our lives were an equalizer. Most importantly for me as his client, I learned that he was handling it all just fine, that he would be fine, and that he would continue to be there for me through whatever lay ahead. M didn’t suddenly turn into a therapist who talks for fifteen minutes about himself. Things were back to normal in that respect by the time we had our next session. To this day, I believe that was a very appropriate use of more extensive self disclosure on M’s part, and I still treasure that experience of knowing him more in that way.
M’s physical appearance hasn’t changed much since then, and he once told me he’s very conscious of that because major changes in the therapist’s appearance can be difficult for some clients. I don’t know if it would be hard for me, but I like him the way he looks now, so I guess I’m content that he’s sticking with that look.
I would say in other respects he’s changed. He’s always been a very good therapist and his manner towards me has always been very life giving and healing. He has become an even better therapist, one with additional skills that his relationship with me kind of “forced” him to acquire. He wasn’t really forced, but he did recognize that I needed things from him that he would have to learn, and he chose to go off and acquire that knowledge and training. So… he’s grown professionally and personally as a result of being a part of my life. I find that very satisfying, to say the least.
I know I have changed tremendously in even just the past year, let alone the entire time since covid craziness hit. It would take paragraphs and paragraphs to describe all the ways I have changed, and those changes have been described little by little in various therapy diary entries as well as on my own space. I’m as I write this on my return trip home from what has been a most impactful trip in terms of my own personal growth and healing. I have a session scheduled in about a week where M and I can work on a rather deep wound that this trip further exposed for me. So… I guess we’ll pick up where we left off—it would have been impossible for me to have had a session while on my trip so we didn’t—and we’ll also see how things might be different since these more recent changes. I’m happy with the ways in which I have changed… and look forward to more.