I’m a very happy customer. I feel like I have been given everything I could posssibly want in a therapist—well, everything that if given to me would still constitute therapy, anyway. I got the fantasies and longings that won’t ever happen same as anybody else.
Some things that have been important to me and that I’ve grown to appreciate over the past five years:
Authentically human M brings his whole self into our work. Yes, even his feelings. He’s very well regulated emotionally, but yes he’s got them, and yes I’ve experienced them. This has challenged me to grow in very key ways that I believe I’d miss out on if he’d been able to successfully keep all that out of the room.
Safety M prioritized my safety from day one. I didn’t always appreciate this as I honestly believed earlier on in my journey that safety was for wusses. Of course I’d believe that having never been offered safety as an option. Now I highly value my emotional safety… to the point where I will now make decisions based on the level of emotional safety (or lack thereof) a given situation affords. I have M to thank for that, as he valued and prioritized my safety long before I even knew there was such a thing, or that it could be held out for me.
Openly acknowledged two way attachment Nothing takes the shame and pain out of a client attachment quite like it being called “our attachment” and welcomed and explored as a mutual experience. It’s still one way in the sense that nothing is asked of me in it… but… it is two way in that it is also experienced by M. Going from very worried about what might happen were I to “come clean” and tell him some of how I felt towards him to “our attachment…” let’s just say I’m beyond grateful.
Growth M has demonstrated the willingness and resolve to grow right along with me. When I needed a type of therapy he at first didn’t plan to offer, he went ahead and did what he needed to do so he could offer it to me anyway. I feel like he’s learned a lot from working with me, and I love knowing that I’ve made a difference in his life too.
Space While on one hand I have definitely impacted M in a lot of ways, there is this sense that nothing I can say or do can really change anything. M has the space for all of it. That means I can talk about anything I want… and nothing changes in that moment, other than maybe our relationship deepening. But there are no nasty repercussions, no ability for me to “ruin everything,” no unintended consequences that I should have thought about before opening my big mouth.
Oh, and all that therapist stuff too M is very good at being a therapist. He asks the right questions (making great use of the “I wonder” technique), knows how to lead me through an exploration process, knows how to tell me stuff I might not want to hear in a kind, empathetic and gracious way, knows how to field my questions. He knows modalities, interventions, boundaries… all that stuff therapists are supposed to know and practice. He does it all very well… and makes it look easy.
Like I said… very happy customer over here.