"Being dumped in China is like when a steamed dumpling falls from your chopsticks and splashes into your soy sauce. It seems more messy and difficult than maybe it should be."
-Philip
I've finally done it. I finally ate my first dumplings in China. I can't quite describe the sense of peace it brings me to be able to type those words after all these years, but I'm sure you can imagine. After all, what brought you to this blog but a love of dumplings and a sense that they contain the answers to life's great mysteries?
It's a strange feeling arriving somewhere you've thought about arriving at for the best part of a year. I applied to teach in China last November, and finally getting here felt like landing in the future, except somehow I'd just been living my life and then August arrived and it was time to get on a plane.
A couple of unexpected things have happened since I've been here. Number one, I made some friends. Before flying to Beijing, I was living in Australia where I met some amazing people and generally had a great time. The prospect of doing teacher training with 60 others from the UK made me feel protective for my old life. In a childish way I felt like I didn't want any new friends. Of course, as always happens, as soon as I arrived I changed my mind. The people on the course were so hilarious and weird and lovely, and I had things in common with them that no-one I’d met before would understand. After the training everyone moved to different cities across China, and I'm writing this from my apartment in Hunan province.
A second strange thing that happened was that I accidentally bought an enormous piece of watermelon that’s twice the size of my head. I asked the guy to give me a quarter of the half I picked up (by asked I mean I mimed chopping the watermelon like fruit ninja) but he just cut it into four pieces and gave me them all. If I really think about it, this event may actually discourage me from learning mandarin because I love watermelon and the language barrier is an excuse to get more. ‘Oh yeah haha the guy just didn’t understand my mime’ even though I could easily eat twice what he gave me.
Update: it's a few days later and I take back my claim. It's too much melon.
Thirdly, I found a huge box of cash hidden in my apartment. This freaked me out if I’m honest, until I thought about it. Who leaves large amounts of cheddar at the bottom of a cupboard? I know right at this moment you’re yelling ‘drug dealers!’ at your phone screen, but you would be wrong. I have one word for you: Babysitters. Who else earns the eye-watering sums most honest workers would kill for, and all tax-free? (Apart from drug dealers). If you’ve never been a babysitter you probably think I’m exaggerating but believe me I’m not. Anyway, I’m pretty sure it was left by the woman who lived here last year. I have to get her WeChat to find out if I can take over her empire.
Fourthly, I started a blog. This is weird because I can't believe that anyone really cares about someone else’s inner thoughts. Although you've made it this far, even if it was only because you thought I would be talking more about dumplings. It’s also dangerous because very few people in my city speak English. As time goes on my ability to decide what’s funny to the general population, which was already tenuous, will slowly sink into a culture-shock shaped hole. If this blog becomes strange rambling monologues it is because I have failed in learning mandarin and have isolated myself.
I’m actually starting language lessons this week and despite being a beginner I'm pretty confident, so the next post will probably be in Chinese characters. If you can’t read them then I suggest you learn because my mum said I’m very funny.
K bye
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