Thank for sharing some deep personal stuff. It's very helpful and cathartic to admit to BS. I think we've all done.
One thing I noticed is that when you take action, you mind will tend to focus on achievements or solutions. And when a mind is in the process of being, (whatever it is you are into at the time), it will be less likely to concoct BS.
That's so true. For a lot of my early life, the BS was simply a defense mechanism, and I've been releasing that and allowing the whole thing to fade for some time, but the old program still comes up around sexual shame, where the root of it always was anyway.