It's funny how the human brain works. Adhering to encouraging words from those who have seen struggle themselves and emerged stronger is worth everything, in my opinion. In my last post, I had merely given my person an ambiguous outline, and yet @surpassinggoogle had deep insights. It's a gift to be able to find and see the good in people, the extraordinary in the #untalented.
So here I am again, back for a word of encouragement and the drive to go a few extra miles, perhaps? Isn't that what humans thrive on? We're designed to thrive and bloom on external (as well as internal) appreciation, love and warmth.
I'll be doing my second post for the before and after Steemit later today. In response to this post:
I've been working since I was 16, for the cute little jellyballoon my mother is, and for my two younger sisters. For a series of reasons I couldn't go to one of my dream colleges even upon acceptance: Amherst, Sarah Lawrence, NYU - and decided to stay back here and contribute to the family instead. When I say my biggest goal in life is to keep the spark in the eyes of the ones I love shining, I do not take the responsibility lightly - I do not merely say it because it sounds nice to the ears, or that it makes me sound like a writer with an aim to eventually get quoted on this very idea - behind these words is almost 2 decades of disillusionment. I say it because I HAVE seen the spark fade in their eyes, and tears replace them, and that's as close to death, desolation and failure I've ever been in person. Maybe it's because my soul isn't just in my body. A little bit of my soul is in everyone I love (very few people) and I feel physical pain seeing them shed tears. My aspirations and goals have always revolved around this particular thought - what will make them happy? Help them get a good night's sleep?
So I started in overdrive - I gave up studying and empowered my mum to start a daycare, now she has a few little babies she loves to teach, bring up and care for. I empowered her to get training for the development of autistic children and now she's certified to educate them (that in no way means I'm taking any credit for her expertise and her enthusiasm to help children and contribute to their personal growth, merely that I tried what I could to make sure she went at it with full force). That's her dream right there.
I earned enough to be able to sustain my sisters' educations to take that off my parents (especially mum). You don't realize how parasitical stress is till it starts to drown under the waves of hope - and I only realized it when I saw my mum bloom and shine and turn into this happy, smiling lady for the first time in all my years - she would come and hold me and share all her fears and predicaments with me. In the quest of helping those I love, I not only fell in love with the people they were becoming, but the fact that I had gotten a very new best friend.
While I wouldn't trade that liberating experience for anything in the world, I silently (and sometimes otherwise) coped with my own anxiety - it sometimes got to me, and I sometimes resorted to self-doubt and self-deprecation. Just a few months before joining Steem, I faced unemployment and didn't know where the next paycheck was coming from, especially with my mum and her slightly hopeful eyes.
If you ever think you can take on the entire world with it's consuming storms and sometimes crushing realities without having your own personal let-out, your own personal productive addiction and means of coping, you'll soon find yourself tired, exhausted and wanting to give up.
There is someone I have recently started owing my happiness and peace of mind to. Someone who has stuck the difficult phase out and is ready for more to come without any selfish interests.
For me, it's that person who I have learned to enjoy Steemit with - my means of coping. It's been a month and it hasn't given a lot to my pocket, but it's given me more strength, more drive, a higher threshold, more hope. I've met people from all over the world and have fallen in love. They have inspired me, including yourself, Terry, and I have learned from them. Steemit has also given me the perfect outlet for me to use whenever I feel to it. I can write about anything, with autonomy and liberty, and it always helps me breathe better, but not just that. Steemit has helped me find my personal ways of growth, through some magical way of inspiring and encouraging. I was finally able to really start a novel (trying since the last many years) and posted the first part of the novel: Conundrum not too long ago, (do let me know what you guys think).
Steemit is more than therapeutic for me, it's more than chamomile tea or a have-it-all Nutella jar, it's more than comfort food or curling up in a corner in your blanket. Someday I might just find the right words and not draw comparisons to make you understand, but I'm still discovering what it is to me.
Hope to see you on the post where I describe all this in detail.
Super inspired, you've been through some tough situations as well and the way you handled them is awesome. A girl born in Pakistan is never expected to take responsibilities at an age as you did and I respect the way you're trying. Even the way you have been working here is commendable, @beingnaveed and I almost daily talk about your writing skills and dedication towards the steemit work.
Keep up the good work @aymen.mazhar, you're inspiring people like me!
Ohh well we all do it for love. And to love we all devote our efforts to, whatever may be required of each of us.
You and @beingnaveed yourselves are amazing and inspiring! And part of the rant I did above about steemit is thanks to you!! :D
Switie, what can i say. You spoke my mind and i spoke your mind. Stay awesome. The good times are here!
Amen to that Terry!
@surpassinggoogle, here's my entry for the second contest.
https://steemit.com/untalented/@aymen.mazhar/steem-marking-the-before-and-after-for-the-untalented-me-surpassinggoogle
God Lord Oh Mighty, I can not wait for the actual post !!! I am so tuned in.