The first thing I noticed is you need more white space.
Reading is hard on the eye. Break up your paragraphs into much smaller chunks with a white space in between- look at any of mine. The first thing a publisher does when they receive a manuscript is look to see if there is plenty of white space. If not, they don't even try to read it- no lie.
White space is very important!
Lol wow, I thought I was putting too much. I was told not to put too much in posts, but maybe it depends on what it is about?
Ok, going to edit the one I just did, as a learning thing :-)