The morning started out just like any other, at least on the surface. Inside I was consumed with anxiety, fear and excitement. He kissed me bye... I was the only one that knew it was for the last time, and he walked out the door. It was hard to hold back the tears but once his truck rounded the corner, I began quickly and methodically packing my car. No thoughts, just action. After the car was filled and there was only room for me and my fur baby, I took one last stroll through the house I've spent the last twenty-three years of my life in... for the last time. I left the house key and a note on the counter, closed and locked the door, and started my journey to a new life.
The more miles I put between us and the place we used to call home, the more weight seemed to lift off of my chest. I've spent weeks, trying to get this plan set in motion and I honestly didn't believe that I could pull it off. I mean, it wasn't much of a plan but the part of the plan I was unsure about was my ability in taking the very first step. This wouldn't be the first time in my life I've either made a decision or didn't follow through with something for the sake of someone else's feelings. It was a relief that all the plotting and planning was over, we were well on our way to what I pray is a brighter future full of opportunity.
The guilt was immense. I knew how things would be the minute he would pull up and see my car gone. We're creatures of habit and routine is comfortable. When that routine is interrupted, well, I'm sure he immediately assumed the worst. My car wasn't in the driveway like it usually was. My puppy wasn't standing on the back of the chair in my living room with his head sticking through the blinds waiting for him to get home. He walked into an empty house. I wasn't there waiting to greet him like I have for the past twenty-three years. I don't even want to imagine the pain he felt seeing my key on the counter or reading my note that didn't explain much except for the fact that I was leaving. I shut off our phones and deleted my social media. I didn't give anyone a way to reach me except for email. I've thought about this a lot and I do have my reasons for doing things the way I did them. Of course, it wasn't right but in my mind it was the only way. There was no talking to him about my unhappiness, it would have turned into a fight and as I said before, I don't talk about it, I run.
We stayed in my home state for about a week, took care of some last minute business and spent some time with my brother and his family. That first week was the hardest, the thoughts in my head were just spiraling like a tornado... thoughts of the past, present and future, thoughts of guilt, struggling with the gravity of my decision. I've never done anything this insane before, and especially not involving my kid. It's hard to know if I've made the right decision. The part that sucks is I won't know it was the wrong one until it's too late and I'm up Shit's Creek without a paddle.
After the first week, we started logging in the miles. Each place we stopped even more beautiful than the one before. It seemed every time we got on the road, my mouth hung open in awe at the beauty the country has to offer. I will always believe my swampy home is beautiful, with the moss hanging from the cypress trees, but honestly, the countryside I've seen since starting this journey makes my swamp look like a slum.
We've been on the road now for three months and two weeks. From destination to destination we've traveled approximately 3,315 miles. I'm sure we could add on another 1,000 miles to that... there was no way we were staying put when there was so much to explore, so much we've never seen before. We had to venture out to see what each area had to offer. I have learned that I love to drive through the rolling hills, and on the curvy steep mountain roads... it's a bit scary and very exhilarating, especially when you have a fun car to drive like I do. I've also learned that in these small towns, my son and I stand out like sore thumbs. Since I'm not planning on buying myself a cowboy hat and some cowboy boots, they will just have to get used to the weirdos trying to move into their town.
I find myself smiling a lot these days. It's quite the feeling when you're driving down the road and you reach the top of the hill and the horizon that's stretched out before you, as far as your eyes can see, takes your breath away... literally. You feel about as big as a speck of sand. If I die tomorrow, I can honestly say that I would die happy. I constantly have to pinch myself because I feel like I'm dreaming. This is not my life. How can this be my life? Even now it all still seems just so surreal.
I know people will think what I did was wrong and selfish, and I won't sit here and say that I deserve these incredible experiences because I've been very humbled on this trip. I will say that after a lifetime of being subservient to others, it's nice to make myself a priority. It's nice to get back to writing again as it is therapy for me and sometimes it may seem like I'm rambling but, I feel that's okay as long as you, my captive audience, are not bored.
I do hope you're still awake enough to see me say Thanks for Stopping by y'all!
Much Love to each and every one of you!
I enjoyed reading this piece, which seems like a continuance of sorts from your re-introduction.
It's written in a clear, cohesive manner, which flows well, making for a relaxed read (no brain strain)😎
Also... your decision to limit the length of these posts and present them in short series is something I wish more writers would do, if they expect their work to be actually read, online.
Best wishes,
@AngryMan
Thank you for that @angryman! I have a hell of a story to tell so most of my posts will be a continuance of sorts. I may stray from time to time but my goal is to eventually write an autobiography. While I look back and think my story would be interesting to someone that doesn't know it, I could be wrong. So, I'm putting it out there, trying to get some feedback to see if it's worth the time.
I appreciate the feedback and it makes me so happy that you are enjoying it so far. I figured short stories would be better, with the short attention spans, and busy lives everyone has. It's good to see you again! Thanks for stopping by!
Yes... When I first got into online content writing about 25 years ago, it was already well understood that we lost most readers by the third paragraph. Short and sweet, was what most editors wanted (Article writing, especially)
Readers also seemed to want 'getting to the point' quicker than hand held reading material. I suspect these rules still hold true today and your chances of actually being read increase with relatively short pieces, as episodes in a series.
I'll be keeping my eye on the feeds for your future posts😎
Now that is an epic post! All the best from NZ
Thank you @sift666 it means a lot that you think so! You're gonna give me a big head with compliments like that!! I hope all is right as rain in NZ
Apart from all the same crap that is being faked everywhere else, we are still afloat!
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STOPDo not miss the last post from @hivebuzz:
Where's all the snow??? On another note, in reference to the post - you can't really love anyone until you love yourself and the only way to do that, is to be happy with who you are. Making serious life changes to find that happiness is necessary. I say kudos.
The snow is saved for another post. Don't worry I'm going to share it all!! It was 2 degrees here the other day and with the wind... I don't know if a person can acclimate to those kind of temps but we sure are trying!
And you're right @enginewitty... I didn't realize that I didn't love myself until my mental and physical health started to decline as a result. I'm starting to realize how important that is no matter what situation we find ourselves in.