I like it. I think, though... That you got excited and skipped some words. I'm not talking shit, believe me. It happens to me too. Just be careful. The story was great, and you build great suspense. Just be calm. Also, take care and keep writing.
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Ah darn it is more than possible, I have a real tendency to just fill in the gaps while editing before I even realize that they’re there! Thanks for letting me know, I’ll give this piece another sweep!