I never thought it would come to this, that I would be here, in this place alone, bereft, cold and silent. Is any of this real. Am I really here or am I living someone else's life. I don't know, I know nothing any more except that I wish this were a lie, that I was living a lie. The hardest part is when reality strikes, those lucid moments in a space full emptiness of hopelessness and despair; It's like I'm falling, endlessly plummeting through a huge void only to stop dead between moments, instantly aware...You never kissed me goodbye. I find my voice but only to choke on the words I never got to say. And then I fall again, colours blurring then fading to grey as my mind races over all the things I would say to you. I hope I have the chance. One day.
I can see you smile in the dark; The dark of my mind and the cold dark room so devoid of you. I swing open the door knowing I'll see you, that you'll be there like you used to be, but then you're gone, you're not really there. And again I fall. At night I feel your breathing, it's warmth as sure as your touch, and as ephemeral as smoke from and extinguished flame. Daylight chases away the ghosts, the ethereal wisps of you in my mind and I cling to the memory of your voice telling me you have to go.
The world passes by, or maybe I pass it by, I don't know anymore. I should dry my eyes and steel my heart, get up and move forward but words catch in my throat, those I should have said to you and those I say to passers by. Don't they know not to come around, that I am falling and I want to fall alone? I grasp onto hints of you and reject all reason; My heart won't listen to it; It's still holding tightly to you.
I hope you're alright, after reading this.
And I really hope this is just beautiful writing for its own sake, but if it's not, I hope you get through it <3
Sorry I missed this 3 days ago.
(Damn feed somehow manages to slip you by me..)
All good my girl. Just some writing to stretch my mind a little. I'm sure someone is missing a loved partner at the moment, but mine is safely at home getting ready for work. Thanks though. ;)
Thinking of you bro. Whatever you're going through. Drop a line and chat mate. It's a deep poem to which I can relate.
Loss tends to reflect on what was once there and warp their importance. Irrelevant things become large and what was important a moment ago be dismissed.
<3
Thinking of you, and have no words to add except that I’m thinking of you and Faith 💜 A beautifully deep poem.
Thanks for your comments and thoughts. :)
My heart hurts for you, mate.
I have been there; five years and counting.
"Learn to accept it and move on" is lousy advice when you first have to relegate your memories to a black hole before you can move forward with no past.
Whatever you are going through? Hope it will get better soon. Best wish!
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