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SENSES
I froze in place.
A rich variety of colors hit me. Mighty blues, fierce reds, lively greens, merry oranges. Everything was so shiny, so vivid, and so different from the white and sterile world I had just left. The suddenness of it was physically painful. I immediately decided to go back through the door and re-enter the world I was more used to. When I turned around, of course, there was no door—only another endless kaleidoscope of bright, exciting colors attacking me from all directions. I had to handle it.
I couldn't. I knelt, then curled up in the fetal position and closed my eyes. It helped a little.
But then I noticed the sound. A soft, melodic, wondrous cacophony of leaves blowing in the wind, birds chirping happily, distant bells, growing grass, crashing waves, whispering winds… and human voices, some talking, and some purring with pleasure for reasons that were not hard to guess.
And that scent.
It was unlike anything you could smell downstairs. It was a combination of everything, of all the things that are good, all at once: the wonderful, clear air of secluded mountaintops, the sensual thickness of fresh incense, the pleasant aroma of weed, the salty promise of ocean waves. All together. In each breath.
And I was indeed breathing. Once, twice, ten times.
Gradually, I was able to open my eyes and look around.
The pale woman was not there. Around me were sparse pine woods, like you find in Europe. Yet the trees were like nothing I had ever seen. Generally in Heaven, things are not exactly the same as downstairs. Sometimes they are, like the pineapples and mangoes that were in front of me, but usually everything is upgraded and updated. Downstairs, there aren't really pineapples like those that grow here; they don’t grow on trees down there, either. And not all year round. And not right before your eyes, like they were at that moment, in front of me.
-"Pineapples on trees?"
-"Yes."
-"Did you try one?"
-"Of course! I couldn't resist."
-"And how was it?"
-"Exactly how you would expect a pineapple growing in Heaven would be. A sweet jolt running through your body, leaving burns of pleasure on your tongue."
-"I never thought of pineapple quite like that."
-"You’ve never been to Heaven."
While recovering from my little taste, I started examining my surroundings more thoroughly. Not only because I was interested in my surroundings, though. More than that, I wanted to test myself. This gorgeous new body of mine, its capabilities, what Heaven allowed it to do.
Seeing into the distance, for example.
I'm not talking about a distance of a mile or two. I am talking about infinity. At first I didn't understand it; it looked like an optical illusion. But when I focused on the pineapple (yes, again) that was dangling off a tree on the next hill, suddenly the fruit grew and filled my field of vision, as if I could reach up and touch it. And I realized that it was indeed possible. And natural. Suddenly it seemed obvious to me: why wouldn't it be like that? Why should distance limit sight?
I had so many questions. I had to find the pale woman, to give me answers.
I didn't understand where she had disappeared to, or why. After all she had said about helping newcomers and after all she had done for me, it was just unreasonable that she had vanished like that. I assumed she would come back quickly. In any case, I figured she couldn’t have gone far. I figured the trees must be in my way. So I climbed one of the trees to see further.
Yes, I climbed. It was easy. Two jumps, a hand on a branch, another jump—and I found myself 164 feet off the ground, looking at the most amazing valley I have ever seen. Emerald trees everywhere, bursting with spots of colors—orange, red, yellow—all different kinds of fruits. Far off in the distance, white mountains climbed up to the sky and I could see the detail of the cabins sprinkled around them. On the other side, the sea glistened, a mighty blue ocean. When I focused on it, I could see people swimming and surfing.
Far above, across the background of the deep sky, deeper than anything imaginable, I noticed a magnificent rainbow. It streamed out of a cluster of pink and white clouds and met the ground at the end of what looked like a great jungle. Flocks of birds flew behind it at varying heights. Butterflies fluttered around the trees.
"Hey." I heard a new voice from below.
I looked between the branches. Far below me were a couple of people wearing leopard suits, orange with yellow specks. They smiled at me and waved their hands. "What are you looking for up there?"
I waved back to them and carefully climbed down. Although my pace was fairly quick, it was still a tall tree. So halfway down I got tired of it and just jumped. It seemed natural to me, but only after I let go of the tree did I understand it was over sixty-five feet to the ground. I panicked, trying to understand what in trash's name was I thinking when I had decided to just jump.
-"And you fell down, sixty-five feet?"
-"Yes."
-"And what happened?"
-"Gravity in Heaven is similar to the gravity downstairs. Since the velocity you develop during the fall is at the same speed, the landing is just as hard."
The only difference is the body you have. The body I had, a superman's body, survived the fall exactly like Superman. I didn't even feel pain. Just a little - okay, a lot - of pressure on my muscles and joints.
"Don't tell me, you’re new here," said the man of the pair. He had a deep, rich voice, very masculine. Up close, I could see the leopard suit was not a suit at all. He, like his partner, was covered from head to toe with a phenomenal coat of cheetah fur. It was just the way their bodies were made, like mine was the color of coal. Aside from the fur, they were completely human—wearing nothing, though the fur concealed everything necessary.
"How did you know I was new?"
He answered with a smile, "I couldn't understand, at first, why you were climbing down so carefully…"
"… But then you jumped," continued the woman, "and we weren't sure…"
"… Until we saw you freak out on the way down," the man finished.
"Welcome to Heaven," they said together, extending their hands.
I shook the man’s hand with my right and the woman’s hand with my left. Both hands had a warm, furry touch. I had a feeling that if they wanted to, they could extend claws.
"I'm Jackie," said the woman. "My husband's name is José. And you are…?"
Her husband? In Heaven? I remembered what the pale woman had said about rules. Not that I have anything against marriage, but somehow, well, I didn't think it was supposed to be like that in Heaven. On the other hand, I didn't really know that much.
"Hmm… I don't really know," I said hesitantly.
"Oh, so you haven't decided on your new name yet. A lot have doubts at first."
"No, no. I just don't remember it. I arrived here a few… days ago, I think. And since then, I’ve been trying to remember my name and who I was downstairs, but nothing’s coming back to me. I know it’s weird, my angel said -"
"Your what?"
"I know, I know, she’s not a real angel. I mean the woman who accompanied me. The one who welcomed me here."
The couple exchanged glances.
"I don’t really understand what you mean," said José.
And his wife continued, "What do you mean, welcomed you here?"
I looked to where I had found myself when I arrived in the woods. I hoped that at any moment a door would open over there and the pale woman would come out of it and explain everything to them. But, of course, no door opened. I had to manage it on my own. "When I woke up here, in Heaven, there was a woman who took care of me. She helped me at first, took me to where you pick out a body…." Doubt made my voice drop lower, and I asked softly, "I don't understand. You didn’t have an escort?"
"No one has an escort," said Jackie.
"At least not that we've ever heard of," José added.
"We’ve been here for… how many years, my sweet?" she asked.
José answered, "Sixty-eight years, honey."
"Sixty-nine, I think. In July," she corrected him.
"You’re right, my love. If you knew, why did you ask?"
"I wanted to know that it means as much to you, my dear."
They drew closer for a passionate kiss. Which went on. And on.
-"What a nauseating couple. I hate those."
-"Aren't they nauseating? They kept smiling at each other, holding hands and kissing. I started to feel very uncomfortable around them."
-"Well, no need to exaggerate."
-"Like two teenagers in love, I tell you. In cheetah-colored fur, of all things, and completely naked."
-"Did you say anything about it to them?"
-"No. I just tried to look the other way."
"Are you sure about what you’re saying?" Jackie detached herself from José at last. "Perhaps it has something to do with your memory loss? That too, by the way, is something that's never happened here. When people come up here, they come with all their memories. Otherwise, what's the point?"
"But she said it happens every now and then," I tried to explain.
"Who is this 'she,' anyway? What's her name?"
What was her name?
"She didn't tell me."
Jackie’s brows lifted in disbelief. "And you say you’ve been with her for a few days?"
"I’m not sure anymore. It seemed like days… when I woke up, I was in this white room -"
"Yes, that’s what happens when you come up here. And you say she was already there?"
"Yes. No. Maybe. What I'm sure of is that she arrived very quickly, yes."
They exchanged glances again. "It doesn’t make any sense." This time, José spoke first. "The awakening room is a private thing. You cannot enter someone else's room."
"But the fact is, she did. Then she took me to this… warehouse of bodies."
"Took you? How?"
"I don't know!" I yelled in frustration. "It seemed like she took me by the hand. I can't explain, I'm new here!"
"Alright, alright. Let’s calm ourselves down a little. I'm sure there’s a logical explanation for it." Jackie took my hand in hers and stroked it. It was pleasant. Not in the same way as with the pale woman. But still pleasant. "Basically, after the awakening and a short recuperation period, you’re supposed to find yourself—alone—in the body warehouse, and then you pick yourself out a body. But it’s a private, personal experience. It doesn't exist in the outside world, from what I know." She pointed to José and then herself. "Even us, coming to Heaven together, each of us woke up alone and we only met after we picked a body."
I noted to myself that it was very strange that they had picked the same body type if they woke up separately. And what did it mean that they came up to Heaven together? Did they kill themselves? But those who commit suicide don't go to Heaven… maybe they were just in an accident? The questions popped up in my head, but I didn't want to change the subject. There is a time and a place for everything. Right now, what I cared about most of all was what the trash was happening here. And who the trash I was.
"Okay, so in my case it was different. She took me, took care of me, she even…" I smiled shyly, "… never mind."
They looked at each other knowingly. I continued. "We were together for quite a while. But you say there’s no such thing?"
"Exactly. It's impossible."
"Well, I didn't imagine it."
From the look they exchanged, I realized I wasn't being very persuasive.
"So where is she now?" Jackie asked simply.
"I don’t know that, either. She went out the door and disappeared. When I tried to follow her, I found myself here. But she was gone. Oh—she said she had to go to her boss and talk to him."
"Her boss?"
"Come on," I pointed up. "God. He’s supposed to always be around, right?"
The couple looked like a very hard rock had hit them. They both stood open-mouthed. José looked at me in disbelief. Jackie just sat down abruptly on her butt, trying not to laugh, but a few snorts came out anyway.
I didn't really understand what the joke was.
"Tell me, my friend," José said as he placed a friendly hand on my shoulder, "where exactly do you think you are?"
"In Heaven, right?"
"Yes, but which Heaven, exactly?"
-"You’re telling me you didn't know?"
-"Exactly. I didn't know at first. And yes, I had many questions, but Jackie and José refused to answer them until we’d had a drink together."
-"What do you mean, drink?"
-"Exactly what you think. When they said drink, they actually meant drink. But before that, they taught me how to beam."
They had not planned on teaching me that. They just asked me to follow them, looked forward, and suddenly turned, one after the other, into two light beams that ended at the top of one of the trees a few hundred feet from me. After a second they beamed over the mountain and disappeared completely.
I stood alone, shocked.
After a moment they beamed back, arguing.
"I told you!" Jackie was furious at José. "He doesn’t know how to beam!"
"Alright, alright, my lemon drop. I thought he was just delayed."
"My mature watermelon, he is like a baby that needs to be taught everything. Don’t forget."
"Alright, alright, my marshmallow. You are right."
"What the trash just happened here?" I tried to end the argument.
"I was right, that's what happened." Jackie glowed with pride, but didn't even look at me.
"So you were right! Why do you always have to be right?"
"I don't have to, kit-kat. That’s just the way it always is."
"Is not! Not always -"
"Don't argue, jelly bean."
"Okay, my ice cream sandwich."
I stood patiently aside, trying not to get a sugar rush. Finally, they both turned their attention back to me. "Is it true you don’t know how to beam?" José asked.
"I don't even know what beaming is," I admitted. "I’m new here." It was beginning to sound like a sentence I would be repeating over and over again, until time collapsed into itself and turned into a kangaroo.
"Beaming is like walking really far, but much more useful. You just have to look at the point you want to go to - wait, do you know how to farscope?"
"You mean," I guessed, "when you focus on a far point and see it as if it’s close?"
"Yes, good, you know. So you need to farscope where you want to be and then…."
He started making motions with his hands and legs, trying to show me what to do. "Jackie, how do I explain this to him?"
His wife tried to help him "Then you just go there, with your mind. As if you were a laser beam."
José wasn't happy with the explanation. "Not exactly walking," he said. "You have to visualize yourself there."
"Visualizing won't help him, lemon pie. He’s like a baby. We need to use terms he knows."
"Here, look." José looked to the right and beamed eighty feet in that direction. "Now you!" he shouted across the distance.
Now me. I didn't really know what I was doing, but I did what seemed natural for me to do. I focused on one point, next to José, until I saw it clearly. Then I tried to imagine myself there.
Nothing happened.
I blinked my eyes, trying to focus harder, to actually visualize myself standing there next to him. Still nothing happened.
"Visualize hard!" he yelled.
It didn't work for me.
"Try imagining you're walking there, taking one giant step," Jackie, standing next to me, offered.
Suddenly she wasn't next to me, she was eighty feet behind me.
"Great!" José rejoiced.
"What are you so happy about? Your orange spouse was right again!"
Actually, I didn't say that to him.
-"Sounds amazing, to beam."
-"The truth is that my first beams were not spectacular. Something in my focusing ability was not working and a few times I had mishaps."
-"What kind of mishaps? Did you beam into objects?"
-"No, that’s kind of impossible. You can only beam to where you can see. But there were times it didn’t work at all and sometimes I only moved a few inches forward."
This new ability made me very curious. "How far does this work? Any distance?"
"Exactly one mile," José answered. "There is a distance limit."
I was a little disappointed by that answer, I admit. Why a mile, of all distances? Who said so? Without meaning to, I stared into space and beamed a mile up.
The landing was painful.
Pain in Heaven is relative. Ordinary behavior shouldn't cause pain. Nor should jumping or collisions. But if you like pain, you'll feel it. Because it is a kind of pleasure. But real pain, harsh pain, shouldn't exist. Only in extreme incidents. A long enough drop will hurt. Even hurt very much.
"Good, good," José explained after he scraped me off the jagged rock I had crashed onto. "That's how you learn your boundaries, which is why you won't push the rules to the limit."
Again, rules. I didn't like it. Why would Heaven have rules?
"Anywhere there are people, you need rules." Jackie added her two cents to the conversation. "You can get up."
I didn't feel like I could, but I got up anyway. Indeed, no bones were broken and there were no scrapes on my skin. After a few steps, the sharp pain started to fade as well. But the rules worked, apparently, and the lesson stayed with me. I didn't stare up into the air unintentionally anymore.
After half an hour, we reached the pub.