You observe the young man from across the table. He is quite handsome and seems at least twenty years your senior. The dinner party he is attending is for the sole purpose of seeking a wife. It is an unusual dinner party for you as you are old enough to make your own decisions in life, not to have one led to your bed. You find yourself drawn to the handsome young man, and his mocking of the dinner party.
The dinner party is a grand affair, and you feel out of place as you are dressed in a plain gown and make-up - the mark of a reserved woman of high society. He stands up to make a toast in the middle of dinner and chooses to mock the event. His table of compatriots smile and laugh along with him at his attempt to offend the hostess and her guests.
"My dear hostess, you have done a fine job hosting this dinner party. One only has to witness the fine array of food, wine and entertainment to know that this is not one of your usual affairs. However, I doubt that your guests will be as gracious and appreciative of a multi-course meal made in their honor as you. There is no sense in giving them such a lavish party; they will only use the food to gain political power or to impress the ladies.
"I have nothing against politics or women; I merely think they are empty pursuits. We can only hope that the women here at the table are truly lady-like and are not just after your husband's money. As for the men, they are only concerned with blood lines and holding valuable political positions so they may use those at their disposal in bribes to those in power, or their friends' aristocratic connections. I can see now why you have no children; you will not allow you and your husband to be married in a kingdom where the power structure is so deceitful."
The table erupts in laughter and several gentlemen offer the young fellow a chance to join the conversation and expand his speech. While the others bolster his assertions, you can only feel sick and disgusted that you are so close to your enemy. He does not know it, but you are watching him and note the slight blush that creeps up on him as he continues speaking.
"I do not wish to be wed to a man who cares so little for his partner, who wants no family of his own. I want children of my own that I can love and care for; plus, I want to raise them in an environment free from the corrupt influences of politics and society. I want one man and one woman who stay at home and raise their children. Women of my station are not granted such a luxury; they are forced to marry and bear children, and should they not produce an heir they are treated like common whores."
You find this dinner party a waste of time. You are surprised at how much you enjoy the young man's speeches. He is young, but his ideas are old fashioned and hold no meaning in this society. You feel as if he speaks the truth. You hate it that he cares so little for you and your station in life. You can say nothing to contradict him. Women like yourself are often forced to marry, but not in a political marriage later in life. All you have are pretty dresses and extravagant parties to attend.
You cannot turn your feelings inward; they are too intense and you crush them down so hard you can hardly breathe. When he strikes the high note in his speech, you turn on your heel, rise from the table and go to the bathroom to collect your feelings.
While the other guests are too occupied with the young man to witness the abrupt departure of their hostess, you leave without saying a word to anyone. Only a maid, who has been concerned with your departure all night, notices you are gone and sends word in your direction. You reply that you are in the bathroom. The maid takes this for a confirmation and leaves you alone.
You do not come out of the bathroom until the end of the party. When you do, you find that everyone has gone. It is near the middle of the night and you decide to stay in the house, claiming a headache. You cannot sleep. You are not sure why, but you make a decision to take the young man's advice and open the door to politics.
The next morning you ask yourself aloud, "Why not?"
The clerk does not blink an eye at the name you wish for. You begin to take the applications for political positions and give them to the clerk to be funneled to the appropriate party. You begin to seek funds from the merchants and guilds to build your own political party. You are not the type of woman that wants to be a politician, although many of your mother's friends remain, you have no desire to learn the ins and outs of politics. You would rather feel out all the possibilities and possibilities that open up before you.
Today your eighteen year old step-daughter, who is being raised by your parents, meets you in a park she frequents on a stroll. You note the girl's beauty right off and she seems to sense that you have not seen her mother at all. Your step-daughter says, "I have heard nothing of your mother. I feared she might be sick or died. I have not seen her other than when she brings me my dresses for fittings."
You stare at her for a moment and decide you do not care to be on the receiving end of your step-daughter's jealousy. You say, "It is curious that you have not heard from your mother, I am sure she is only suffering from a cold and my father still dotes over her." You are not sure why you have said this, as it is not true, but you have no intention of saying that your father has married another woman in your mother's place. You would like to pull the woman's hair out, but other than that, you can think of nothing to say in retaliation.
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