Eating at an upscale diner, minor celebrity Elliot Tanner was approached by Mira Brooks, who reached him and forgot what she was going to say. "Are you Elliot Tanner?" she managed. "I was just having drinks after work when I saw you here."
"And who might you be?" asked Elliot.
"I'm Mira," said Mira, recalling her purpose. "Can I interview you for my blog?"
"I'll give you three questions, right now," said Elliot.
"Can I record on my phone?" asked Mira.
"Fine," said Elliot, who continued eating while Mira messed with her phone.
"Okay," said Mira. "Everyone knows your story. But is there anything about you that people should know but don't know?"
"People should know not to approach me when I'm eating," said Elliot. "But that's not the answer you want. How's this? I'm boring. There. I admitted it."
"You said that in other interviews," objected Mira. "It doesn't count."
"Very well," said Elliot. "I'm also superstitious. Always looking for deeper meaning in events. Sometimes I even consider synchronicity in weighing major decisions. Next question."
"Why are you eating alone?" asked Mira.
"Quiet time," said Elliot. "My phone is off and my mind is present for the meal."
"Got it," said Mira. "How about this? What was it like, when those conspiracy people first came after you?"
"What it was like?" said Elliot. "Well, at first I didn't even notice. Then all of the sudden, I was an alt-right meme. People were attacking me. Other people were defending me. I had no idea who these people were, but they had strong opinions about me. Now if you don't mind ..."
"Can we do a quick selfie?" asked Mira, not waiting for permission, jumping into frame with Elliot and snapping a picture.
"I think we're done here," said Elliot.
Mira thanked him and returned to her drink. The blog post she published that night was successful. It attracted nearly a hundred likes. She still couldn't believe she'd actually met the Elliot Tanner. Some of her friends were obsessed with Elliot Tanner. Her friend Kim demanded a meeting as soon as she saw the blog post.
Over drinks, Mira told Kim everything. Kim was disappointed. "That's it?" she asked. "I want details. How many people were in his security detail?"
"None that I saw," said Mira.
"You think he's really a billionaire?" asked Kim.
"I didn't ask," said Mira. "There was something about him. Like an aura. But it wasn't an aura of power like a billionaire might have. It was more like outer space, or the feel of a posh house made of glass. The space between electrons within solid objects. An empty parking lot on a chilly night. Elliot Tanner reminded me of space like that."
"Weird," said Kim. "You didn't mention it in your blog post, but do you think it's true what they say? That he's a kingpin of the crypto mafia?"
"Everybody knows there's no such thing as the crypto mafia," replied Mira, holding back a smile.
"You making fun of me?" asked Kim. "It could be a thing!"
"I guess there was that one big crypto guy who made a death threat against that other big crypto guy," conceded Mira. "But as far as I know, it was an empty threat. And weren't the rumors about Tanner all traced back to that fake news conspiracy site Datawar?"
"Whatever," said Kim. "I would have asked him about the money and the crime."
"He would've loved that," said Mira. "But seriously. He definitely had something going on. I wonder if he lives nearby, or if he's just visiting."
"No, he lives here," said Kim. "Haven't you seen his videos? He mentions it sometimes."
"I've only watched a few," admitted Mira. "They're too depressing. And there are sooo many of them."
"I think you should try for a followup interview," said Kim. "Quick, while everyone's still paying attention."
"You're not wrong," said Mira. "But I doubt he'd go for it."
"Tell him you want to talk about the issues," said Kim. "He's got an opinion on everything and he loves sharing it. So don't make it about him, make it about something like poverty or addiction or habitat loss. His last video was on war profiteering. Maybe try that."
Mira didn't try that. Instead, she binged Elliot Tanner videos, learning bits and pieces of information about the man. Eventually, Mira knew approximately where he lived, where he ate, and where he shopped. She began frequenting these places, hoping their paths would cross.
Within three weeks, they bumped into each other at the grocery store. Elliot grinned broadly. "Great post about me," he said. "Nice and clean. No embellishments."
"Thanks," said Mira. "I was actually hoping for a follow up. Something more in depth. About the issues."
"The ... issues?" asked Elliot. "What issues would those be?"
"Like, are you a billionaire kingpin of the crypto mafia?" asked Mira playfully.
"No such thing as the crypto mafia," said Elliot, still smiling. "And I've never even been close to a billion dollars."
"So you don't participate in satanic rituals with the rest of the illuminati?" asked Mira.
"If hacky sack is a satanic ritual, then sometimes," said Elliot.
"Do you encode secret instructions for your fanatical followers in all of your videos?" asked Mira.
"No, only in some of the videos," said Elliot, having fun.
"You know what I really want to know?" asked Mira, more sincerely. "I've watched all of your videos and you talk about social problems a lot. Then you talk about how useless government is, leaving the impression that there's no hope. But then you talk about having hope for the future. What's up with that?"
"The future is what we make of it," said Elliot, shrugging. "You and me. Everyone, together. Tell me there's not hope in that."
(Feature image from Pixabay.)
Read my novels:
- The Paradise Anomaly is available in print via Blurb and for Kindle on Amazon.
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- Flying Saucer Shenanigans is available in print via Blurb and for Kindle on Amazon.
- Rainbow Lullaby is available in print via Blurb and for Kindle on Amazon.
- The Ostermann Method is available in print via Blurb and for Kindle on Amazon.
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