It was a long read, but I enjoyed it. 8 guess I could relate alot. I'm sorry about your home situation as well growing up. All we can do is try and see the positives and learn from it. Then it was not a waste. Experiences make us who we are. If we had it easy, we might not be as self reflective and started a whole new cycle instead of breaking it. Life has a funny way of showing us wisdom.
Keep working on yourself and you will atract that positive soul mate. As I get older I've learnt that everyone has shit going on at home, some people's are just more hectic than others. But noone is without demons and we gotta work on ourselves before we try and be with others. We are responsible for our own happiness. I always tell my husband, I don't have to be in this relationship I want to be here. It helped that I did a lot of healing before I met him, and his childhood was not as traumatising.
You'll find your person, when you ready. Now you gotta find yourself and love yourself, cracks and all. There is so much happiness to find like this, even before you let someone in.