You are about to undertake a journey, but you don't know where it will take you. All you know is that the journey is necessary. You are not really sure why; you only hope that you can figure it out as you go along.
You are filled with anticipation, but also with doubt. You've never been on this sort of trip. Of course, you traveled often for your company, but were always in control of your life. Your job kept you on a very structured path. Now, for the first time in a long while, you feel somewhat lost.
As you move through the crowd, you are not sure what you are looking for. Well, you know it is important. Without it, you will die. Do you have it? You're not sure. If the world is going to end for you anyway, you might as well try it, right? The thought makes you feel slightly better.
As time passes, you begin to feel the effects of the new drug. You feel a buzzing in your head. It is a strange feeling, and you feel like something is happening to you. As you wait in line, you try to distract yourself from the feeling, but it is difficult. While you are next to the sign-in booth, you notice that you are alone. There is nobody waiting as you sign. It is too soon. It is too soon to be done with this trial. You feel a lump in your throat as you wait in line. As you are about to give up, you feel somewhat panicked. There is no one else there, and your hands are shaking.
You ask the nurse what is going on, and she informs you that there is still a long line to sign up. It will be a while before you can test. When you get home, you find more information about this new drug. You can still be alive and feel the effects, but you will not be complete if you decide to continue. If you don't select the treatment before the results are provided, you will not be able to come back for the second part. Ever.
You get the results of the preliminary test for the new drug therapy. You feel so much better than you did before the trial. You feel alive again. You think that you have it at last, but you are worried about the long waiting list. You are not sure if you can wait. You could, but now that you've had it, you need it more than ever. But you know you can't take it. It is no longer your choice.
You used to be someone else. How long ago was it? Why did you change? You don't really remember, but you think you like this new you. You just wonder where the old you went. You had different routines. You had different parts of a day. They are all gone. You remember the first time you used this new drug, but recall little about your life. All that you remembered from before was gone. It is as though your brain had reset and you were starting again.
You remember that you used to feel very controlled by your job and by the company. Now, you have freedom. You have new options. How many friends have you lost after you received the new treatment? You are hardly sure. You cannot truly say. Was it all worth it? Was it a smart career move?
The new drug seems to have removed many of your issues. It has taken away much of your stress and improved your relationships. The medication has helped those around you as well, and you feel that you have helped the world around you. But you wonder, is this the best way? What else can you do?
After you made the decision to become someone else, many people close to you have also received the treatment. You have seen the changes in their personalities. You have seen the changes in their bodies. You are not sure whether it is the medication or something else. You miss the old you, but it is too late. You were too late to turn back. You didn't notice that the changes had frozen your life. All you have become is a part of a machine.
While you wait for your next dose, you read more about this new drug. The clinical trials have been mostly positive and you begin to feel less alone. Still, you do not see a future for yourself. The world is not what it once was. It is a strange place now. At one time, you could see your goals and destiny, but recently, you have lost your sense of direction.
Everybody around you seems to be busy with something. Before, they were the same. You used to be, too. Before you took the drug. Now, their lives are different. They have new routines, new goals, and new fears. You can't help but wonder whether their transformation is related. You feel somewhat less alone.
You wonder what they think about you, now that you are a part of this new world. You were once perfectly whole, but now you are only separate and incomplete. You have been watching them change and you are not sure if it is supposed to be your fate as well. Do they really care about you, or has it changed? Do you even exist anymore?
As you wait for your results of the trials, you hope that things will get better. You wonder what you will do without this drug. It has changed your life so much. You suppose, as time passes, that it has only made things worse. You think about the beginnings of everything. When you felt that you had turned yourself around. You wish that things were the way they once were. You wonder if you can still be anyone else. You are beginning to despair about your situation. Are you doomed to live like this forever?
You are so used to taking the drug that you cannot really remember what life was like before. You have seen the world change, but your effect on it has halted. You are used to the changes around you, but you are not sure if you like them. You think that things would be harder without this newfound sense of freedom that has changed your life.
It has been a long time since you were last here. You sit in the waiting place and wonder if you will be able to return here again. You wouldn't be surprised if you have been forgotten or if you have been kicked out, as all of the other patients have. Before, people liked you, and you liked everyone around you. But now, you can't help but wonder all of the changes that have made people afraid of you and your new life.
You begin to feel that you shouldn't even be in this place. You are not sure what to do. This is just another big, confusing world now. It is going to take so much more before you can truly be free. You are still waiting for the results. At some point, you will have to make a choice, something that you hope you will have an easier time with.
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