Directly speaking the reason you cannot remember whether or not you locked a door is because your attention has been grabbed by a felt worry, and there is only so much attention available at any given time. That fact is no different than an inability to read a book while driving for instance. Your attention simply isn't on the memory of you leaving a room, it is on the worry briefly, and then it is led along the activities developed to insulate that worry from a child who could not understand it . The worry is informing you about a conditioned sense of inadequacy which gets misattributed, and externalized. That habit begins to break up as soon as you see for yourself and engage with the pang of inadequacy, the felt impulse, as it emerges in real time.
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Hmmm.. That makes a decent amount of sense. However I think in order to shift from the focus of worry to the focus I want, I have to figure out a way to want that more than the worry.. And the worry is so strong that it's difficult to logically think of the alternative, I think I'm like.. Having a battle within my mind in regards to what it wants more.. Part of me wants the comfort that comes with double checking or feeling clean and another part wants the freedom and health that comes with not having to do those things.
Last night I was thinking about trying to be more "funny" and less "serious".. Maybe if I could somehow get that positive energy connected with not checking the lock so much or washing the hands that would help.. Or if perhaps I could turn it into a funny joke that what I'm doing is so absurd and doesn't make sense, maybe the positivity from the laughter could help pull me more away from the comfort I get from feeling secure and clean... I dunno.. it's tough.. Thanks for trying to help me through it though I really appreciate it!