This is my entry to @byn or @serapium "How We Met" Writing Contest #howwemeet!
Competition page here!
Trying to make sense when senses have no meaning!
After surgery August 2015, I finally became an attractive goddess after years of being an ugly man. The most sensible thing to do is to insert myself into a prince charming romantic fantasy, where a handsome French guy would hit on me, I would say “Your place or my place?” And then he would hug me from behind, and my ass will hit a big hard bump and I would caress it and then…... Damn! It’s too huge for my fake vagina. And also, I am an attractive goddess only if I have a stack of chemicals on my face but it’s so hard keeping them on my face after a hypothetical wild night on the bed, rubbing my face on the pillow… but it doesn’t matter, I have faith! So once my body felt better after months of recovery, in November, I went hunting at a friend’s house party, “Where’s is my prince charming?” But everywhere I looked I can only see her eye raping me - Kimmy, her eyes all lit up, totally mesmerized, I tried to avoid her but it’s hard because she is a bit … B-I-G… she made her way towards me and started chanting, “You are so pretty.” And I was like “You talking to me?” I wasn’t having any fantasies because I felt like she’s into my makeup and she’s 21, I’m 35, so probably 3 generation gaps. One day after work I was bored so I went to join my friends for drinks, the same friends who hosted the party where I met Kimmy. And when I showed up after work, it means I will be showing you the ugliest side of me - I work in the IT department where dressing up and looking good is a sin. And at the bar there she is, Kimmy again eye raping me, and I was thinking yeah, I am going to take this opportunity to knock some sense into her, I took her hand and dragged her to the brightest corner in the bar and chatted in my most relaxed non-gender conforming voice. “Hey, wassup, welcome to my chemical free face.” But she got very shy and blushed because I touched her hand and she still thinks I’m the prettiest girl in the room, she’s so cute, and I always have a soft spot for shy people. We chatted and I was slowly attracted to her, and why not, I used to date girls before. She is just so considerate, pure, simple and direct and loving and caring and brave and I can go on forever, and when I had to leave early, she gave me a bear hug, and I just felt like a baby bear in her arms. And I realized Prince Charming is not what I am longing for, mother bear is. That’s the sweetest Wednesday ever. Thursday, we went on a date, and I learned she teaches music, CAREER, tick. On Friday we went out for clubbing, I learned that she knows Thai boxing, and she can muscle away drunks who want a piece of my ass, I feel so protected, SECURITY, tick. Saturday, I was in love and we were holding hands and kissing and tongue fucking and it felt like a fairy tale. Sunday, I woke up hoping to spend the best Sunday in my life ever with my first true love, but I got some bad news, her family is Christian, and she has to go to church with her family every Sunday so every week I would spend 6 wondrous days and end the week on a very depressing note. So over the many lonely Sundays, I would spend the day weighing the pros and cons of me dating Kimmy.
PRO
She is full of love when we are dating
CON
Her parents will be full of shit if they know we are dating
PRO
She has a good heart and is close and honest with her parents, so she tells them she is dating.
CON
She tells them she is dating Jason.
OMFG.
So we would think about how to build a cover for Jason, OK, I have the voice of a Jason. What if her parents bumped into us on the street, OK, “Hi parents, I have a crossdressing problem, and my job is…” Hey! Why the fuck do I have to go back to pretending to be a guy? Hasn’t I wasted enough years in the past doing this already? And I got more bad news, I have to spend Christmas and New Year alone because her parents are taking her on a trip to Australia, and it’s their annual tradition. But it’s okay, we can Skype, but only for 5 minutes each day when Kimmy is hiding in the toilet. And I’ll just spend the rest of the holidays on the street walking amongst sweet and loving couples. Kimmy sends me a text everyday reminding me it’s only 10 days, but it’s not okay when it’s THOSE 10 days EVERY year. And even if she is in HK, our times together will be spent looking over our shoulders, or Kimmy worried that she would miss messages or calls from her parents. I don’t know what crime did I commit, I only wanted to be care for and loved like a normal person, but I ended up living like a fugitive. If only her parents can judge us with blindfolds on like the LAW then we could be safe because I can still sound like a guy, but no, not happening. The math just doesn’t add up, a transgender plus a non Christian plus 2 lesbians plus a Christian home equals BBOOOMMM! Not matter what I do, the result will be the same: Religion, 1, our homosexual love, nil. And then after boxing day, on a blue Monday, I did it, I dumped Kimmy via a 2000 word text message because it’s the right thing to do. Kimmy did not reply, just some blue ticks letting me know she has read it. I proceeded to wish her luck in her future relationships, I told her to be careful when hooking up with strangers, and as I kept typing these advices, I felt that I really loved her, and just hours after I texted “I am dumping you”, I texted “I really love you”. Kimmy finally texted back, “WTF? R u fucking playing me?” And…I… I said it’s a mistake… it’s the hormones messing with my mind. We sort of reconciled, and we both think we should have a face to face to sort things out right after she landed back in HK. Jan 2nd, we met up, I put on my sweetest smile, held her hands tight, thinking that that message is history, then I looked at her, her blank face, her cold hands, her lifeless hand just hanging there, and I realized, to her, it’s a not just a text message, it’s a scar. A scar that happened because I was trapped within meaningless assumptions. She asked me, “What are we now? Anything BUT girlfriends?” There was silence. Dumping someone is not something you can undo, I know that no literary genius can salvage this moment so I closed my eyes and threw a Hail Mary, “We are lovers now. I am sorry about Australia. But I know I really love you and want you. Will you forgive me?” She replied with a death stare, and then threw me a curveball “If we are lovers, why haven’t you kissed me?” “oh…(KISS)” and she took her phone and forced me to explain my stupid 2000 word break up text line by line, but hand in hand. OMG, that’s the sweetest embarrassing thing ever, and I just know she is the one, even though there will be many more lonely Sundays to come, even though her parents will always be a threat, I am just in love and I don’t care, love is just a bunch of strong sensations, and sensations never make any sense.
Nice read. I guess that's the point I was trying to make the other day. Her parents and her parents church are wrong for judging you. So what if you wear panties and a bra to church doesn't all the other girls? Maybe I'm wrong but my God is much bigger than that and cautions me to not judge unless I'm willing to pay the price. He tells me to "love one another" The world is sooo upside down. We're doomed as a species unless we can come together and acknowledge truth. We are all in this together and just temporarily visiting this planet
But I think there are still a lot of hope as a species, it's just that the good ones are hidden in the crooks and nannies while all the shiny ones are dicks.