In my case this state came about from growing up around volatile and potentially violent stepfathers. (My family tree is rotten with stepfathers - generations of them.) I learned to be hyper-attentive to situations because I wanted to diffuse situations that could hurt my mother or my sister.
I've seen this situation in other families, too. People who have an abusive parent spending their lives on edge, constantly on the lookout for a thought or action that could trigger a rampage, and trying to head it off at the pass.
Yes, women seem to be more susceptible to hyper-empathy than men. But then again I've been psychologically profiled as 79% female so...I guess it's a complex world.
It's unfortunate that our empathy becomes something used purely for survival instinct. I'm sorry that you went through what you did.