So today was my hospital appointment, and I could not sleep much last night. I have this tendency to become mentally stressed out the day before a significant event in my life. I have pre-traumatic stress just thinking about any potential physical or mental stress that I might face, and as a result, I could not sleep much.
I tried to figure out what might have worried me, and one of them was the thought of traveling a long distance from my home to see a specialist (I do not like travelling; I prefer short distances).
The second reason I was so stressed was the cost of seeing this particular doctor, and I spent over three weeks worrying about how broke I would be after paying for the tests and the doctor's fee. Unfortunately, it needed to be done. The third reason was that I was worried about whether I had improved from previous tests after all of the medications I would been taking, and aside from improving, hearing about my test results gives me PTSD, which dampens my mood regardless of whether it is good or bad.
If there is one thing I know about doctors, it is that just seeing them raises my blood pressure, and this was mostly confirmed today. The nurse who took my vitals confirmed that my blood pressure was high; I explained that it was the sight of the hospital, seeing so many people with my condition wearing gloomy faces and having depressive appearances.
I told her that my blood pressure was always normal because I checked it at home, and that it was due to my fear of the hospital and the stress of traveling long distances.
However, I ended up seeing the doctor, and they took my blood for tests; my vitals did not worsen; a few results arrived, and my results were slightly better than the previous time; however, this doctor is quite realistic; she laid everything on me and told me where I stood. Of course, because it is a chronic condition, I have to think about it while sleeping, eating, or simply trying to live my life.
I will have certain abnormalities to remind me of what I am fighting, which may make me sad at times, but the upside is that I will never play with the medications and will never wake up thinking I am invincible; this is my reality now, and I must adapt. She did her job, even though it was very expensive. I saw a lot of people coming in for treatment, she (the doctor) was blunt in her assessments, and I did not know whether to be happy or sad.
The reason being that she told me my position, and I am glad she was honest about it, but I was also sad to some extent, because in the back of my mind, I wished she could just say "Oh it is nothing, it will disappear in two weeks time". It is not like I want her to lie to me, but on second thought, it might actually help me sleep better.
There is no sentiment here.
They make it a point to collect every penny of their money, and seeing it all disappear feels extremely unfair. It is life; we are always giving to receive. Nothing is truly ours, not even happiness or sadness, money, beauty, or health; at some point, we must give up all of these things in order to survive.
It is true that we need a lot in life, but getting comfortable can make us forget that there is nothing we have that truly belongs to us.
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It's too bad it's so expensive, it shouldn't have to be. I'm glad things were stable, did you get the labs back yet? This is how I spent my day yesterday!
Sorry about this, spending one's day in a hospital often makes one feel gloomy including being lost in thoughts...
Only one of my test result is out but I still have to wait for working days to get them. I spent yesterday with my vein being strapped and blood drawn.
How do you feel now? Back home?
I was only in Emergency, but six hours of tests and torture... I'm home and feeling better today thank goodness!
!discovery 30
Thank you my friend
I think you should buy this Omron machine that helps to check your blood pressure
I have mine too
Since it gets high when you get to the hospital, maybe when you check it at home, mostly in the morning, it will give you the best result
It's mostly not high. BP tends to rise when you're on the go or when you're stressed. Mine is always normal when I'm not stressed. Yes, I have the machine in mind
It's sad to see you in this condition, spending most of the money you have at different hospitals. I am glad she was honest with you, but with this medication, does it guarantee stable health if used consistently?
Yes, to some extent. However health stability and medication is something we mostly hope it'll be better than we plan it to be. One can only do their best, and nothing more beyond what the doctor or me can control. So we're doing our best and leaving the rest. However, I'm thankful. Thanks for the well wishes
I pray you get to feel better soon, and not have to deal with all of these hospital visits. I pray you get a miracle.
Thank you, I appreciate
You're welcome
All I can say is that you're really a strong guy and I pray one day this health challenge will be a story by then you would have been healed.
Thanks for the compliment and the kind words, Amen.
It sucks but I hope that you recover better and it's always good when a doctor is realistic. I hope you can get over the fear of hospitals eventually and that your blood pressure goes down. It might take a few more trips but going to a doctor that is honest will help.
Going to a doctor's is not always a plesemt experience, but we're all wired differently and some people would actually have no problem being there all the time. Thanks for the kind words
The trauma of chronic diseases is sickening on its own not to talk of the cost of regular medications and the need to modify lifestyle but I believe you are doing well since you are religious with your medications and hospital visits.
I wish you well, may your quality of life keep improving.
Regular medications are another cost on their own. However, it's the reality of a lot of people in the world, truly stressful and expensive. Thank you for your kind words and good thoughts
Most doctors won't be honest with you, but this one did and I think she just wants you to be more aware of your condition and not to overthink it. With your medication, I hope you are more healthy again.
But man, you have really spent a lot on hospitals but it is what it is. One has to spend to survive and yes, these things; happiness, good health etc aren't truly ours and it will get to a certain point of our lives, we must give them all up to survive.
Thank you. Yes, the truth is the truth, painful as it is, but it's reality, and humans are known to adapt to reality, and I'm happy to know of my truth, and I know I'll adapt. Thanks for the kind words
You are welcome, Jose.
At least, she is honest with the assessment. Many doctors tend to say quite the opposite, which can be good but it doesn't erase the underlying reality. Visiting the hospital is something that a fear too, the vibrations from that place can be so demoralising.
I pray that God continue to provide you with the financial means to take care of yourself properly :)
You're right, many doctors tends to just down play the situation. However, sometimes we just want to live in that denial of what our reality is and not just bother; you know, something that helps us sleep better. Thanks for the reassuring and kind words.
Yes, I think having that denial at the onset is good, since our mind can't think clearly during such times. You're most welcome.
Wishing you all the best... Have you considered using sleeping pills or blood tonic... Don't worry, a lot of people experience this kind of trauma and sleepless nights before major events.... You'll be fine my good From... Wishing you the very best🥰🥰🥰🥰
Thank you for the kind words
You're welcome man and hey I mean it... Speedy recovery.. you'll overcome this ait 🫡
It is just like that today due to bad situation every human being is in depression and many problems are happening due to which diseases are coming so the best solution is that we should not worry with the passage of time. All things will be fine.
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Facing reality head-on can be tough, but honesty is the best policy, even if it stings a bit. I am really sorry about all of this.