"Un-PAYING" The Debt You Owe

in LeoFinance7 months ago

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Some days ago, one of my former students texted me on Facebook, at first I was very skeptical of replying because most times when people who hadn't texted in two to three years suddenly text, originally this should be a good thing, it might mean they remember you, they care for you, or they probably have you in their mind and they just haven't found the time to text you.

This is understandable

But on second thought, it could mean that they're caught up in a serious financial mess and had no option but to text you.

In reality, being in a financial mess makes people do the unthinkable

It's nature to be seek help even in unconventional places

It takes away their conscience. If it was possible, they could even go to people they're not friends with, or people who they're affiliated with but never shared any form of closeness, just to get the money to take care of their problems.

This lady was a good student of mine. Back in the day, she had a rough life, a deadbeat mum, and she was struggling to pay her way through school. She did a lot of menial jobs to survive, and she was the brightest person I know academy.

It was crazy, students who had the tools to succeed never had the brain or seriousness to excel, but back then, she only need the right investment and she could have become the star she was meant to be.

Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be.

After 11 years, it's understandable if she texts me for financial assistance, I wasn't scared of helping her, back in the day, I helped her in the little ways I can because I couldn't relate to her situation.

I was also not in a good financial place back in the day, but her situation was incomparable. When I saw her text a few days, I was scared of saying "I'm broke".

She wasn't someone I could say"no" to, that was if she needed that help. Nevertheless, I was angry at my financial situation. It's not like she was going to get angry if I said I didn't have it, but it'll hurt me, for not having it at that particular time.

Mentally Alert: Intent Matters A Lot

In reality, I'm conditioned to always judge the intent behind people texting after they hadn't done so in a long time. It's mostly "money issues", most times I ignore people as such.

However, this was a girl I had a history with. I didn't expect her to always text, she's now in her early 20s and has to hustle to take care of herself. However, she wasn't texting because she needed help, she texted because she felt she had to appreciate me for all the times I was there for in the past.

This was a different outcome. Although in 11 years, her life would have changed. She might have encountered some good fortune and things would have been better, but then, I wasn't sure.

I'm conditioned to always be the giver,

so in any situation, I already see myself as the one who should give, I don't bother about not getting back and this isn't because I don't want to be given, it's because I have set my mind to never get back, I feel the universe has a way of rewarding good deeds, this creates a consolation, especially when I do give and the people in question never appreciate it or even see any need to.

However, this girl owed me nothing, whatever I did for her, I might have forgotten, but she held it close to her heart, and, after 11 years she sent me quite a substantial amount of money in appreciation.

It felt bizarre because the last time I check my bank notification, the last 50 to 100 transactions were always outgoing and nothing incoming

Nevertheless, I had to tell her to consider the economic situation of the country, I felt this might dissuade her a little. I didn't want to reject a gift, and I didn't know her financial situation, what if she sent her income for the week?

However, I had to clear my mind and accept that gift. Sincerely I couldn't place my hand on what I categorically did for her, maybe if I did, the gift would feel deserved but I didn't.

Apparently, people are the ones who define deeds and determine if they want to attach any form of specialty to them. In this situation she probably held it to heart, it'll be painful if she came for financial assistance and I wasn't able to offer.

I still don't know her financial situation, so I still feel guilty, it's going to be an awkward thing to ask.


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When I talk to people I try not to ask them how well they're doing financially, it might create the wrong impression, rather I ask them about their health, and their well-being in general


A "Money" Situation Creates Mixed Feelings

On the bright side, I am happy that someone remembered me. The economic situation in Nigeria is beyond terrible, so I do not have any expectations from anybody.

However, I woke up with a decent amount of money in my account, from someone who I never expected to, and I still can't shake off the feeling that that money might be her a decent amount of her weekly income.



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Sometimes, it seem like those with exceptional abilities always find it so difficult to navigate their lives which might be from their background. They have all it takes but will never be opportuned. Probably the way I see it 😊

Amazing she could come back to appreciate,not everyone will remember when they were struggling,so they tend to forget people who impacted their live.

There are different way to say "thank you" and this is one, so enjoy 😊. It's sounds nice you're considerate even with your good deeds cause average helpers will always sit on the help.

It's true. I'm an example. Back in the day I had this prospect, a lot of people saw it, but I lost my father quite early and a lot of dreams came crashing. So it's the harshness of reality, it's not always fair. As for the lady in question, she reminded me of myself and sadly I couldn't do more for her.
I was just happy to see that the situation hadn't gone from bad to worse for her after 11 years.

I lost my father quite early and a lot of dreams came crashing.

Ouch 😧,so sad. Like you've rightly said,it the harshness of reality. I faced a lot too as I had to hold my heart tightly so as to be on the right track for my life. Well,all thank to God where I am now.

Well,Thanks for sharing. Have a nice day ahead.

Exactly, it's how the universe is, we cannot dictate how it works. Thank you for your comment

Not everybody we help will show appreciation, which is why we should help without expecting anything from anybody, but if that person should show appreciation, it shows that they are thankful for everything we've done for them. I like it when I could help and that person should appreciate it. Nobody owe you anything, but any form of appreciation will be good

Brotherly, this is true. Most of the times I do stuffs without expecting anything. However, it's always good when we see some form of appreciation, it creates the feeling that one is actually doing the right thing. Like you said, no one owes anyone anything, we just do it anyways from the goodness of our intention. In this situation, I feel fufilled knowing that someone I might have done stuffs for held it to their heart and appreciated it.

It's hard to see this happen and I think it is fine to accept that money. It's her way of showing her appreciation to you and it's rare to see someone send the money without expecting anything in return. If you still feel uncomfortable, then I would probably ask her about her financial situation. I think it is kind of awkward but I'd rather know what is happening rather than let it bother me all day.

Hahaha it's hard to ask people about their financial situation, unless they decide to openly talk about it from the beginning. Seeing how far she'd come, I was basically skeptical about it, but eventually I had to accept the fact that she must've considered a lot of factors before choosing to gift me. It feels surreal

Wow! What a character she is! It is very rare for people to act that way these days, people just want to receive and move along like it is their right to be given.

I can relate, to this. Since I have been in Benin, my cousin has said it 3 times already about how much he appreciates me for the days when they use to visit us in Nigeria and I would go out of my way to buy things for him and make him feel welcome.

But for me, I can't remember doing that, I was just doing what I should do by simply sharing things with my cousin. Today he feels he should pay me back, about 2 months ago he found out I was broke and didn't ask him, when he found out about him, he was disappointed and stressed if I ever need help I should never hesitate to ask.

People like these are uncommon Jose.

People are these are truly uncommon. I remembered someone I had to go all the way out for you even to even borrow money for, because they said they had accomodation issues, and can you believe that after rendering them that help it's been close to two years and they've never even called to say "oh, I saw the help you rendered me, thank you" they just moved on like they were entitled to it.
It's probably why I don't expect a lot. The world is full of unappreciative people and when people go all the way to appreciate, we tend to see it as a surprise.

Just like your cousin, sometimes, we don't even remember things we do, it's just that the recipients holds it to heart.

This her thoughtful deed to you shows that her situation is getting better even without asking about her financial state atm. It's something to be happy about considering her past situation as you narrated. An appreciation like this will definitely gladen your heart Joe, knowing that someone appreciate your little assistant to her. It feels good when people express their gratitude to us even though no one owes us anything. Most people do not even look back to appreciate and that's why we should do good deeds to people when we can without expecting anything. The universe always has a way of rewarding us. That was a yummy unexpected gift in this Tinubu regime 😂

It did gladden my heart, but I was more concerned about her financial situation and if this situation hasn't put her in a difficult position. It's hard for people to remember anyone nowadays. The country is really hard and anyone who goes all the way out in this situation is a true gem.
It's true, she had gone through some challenging situation and being appreciative in these situations is something I never expected. I'm happy she's doing decently okay for herself.

It is weird that people we put so much effort into helping most time do not appreciate it but those people we just unconsciously help in a little way are the ones that put us in their hearts and are always grateful for the little help we rendered to them that we might have even forgotten.

90 percent of people that remember us after years of no contact are often in one mess or the other and most time it is financial help, your student case happens only once in a blue moon.😁

The ones we intentionally help most of the times and they don't even see it as anything are often the entitled ones. Sometimes they feel the help is too small and they're too deserved of it to actually appreciate it.
In the case of my student, I only did what I did and never even put it to heart and after 11 years, she still remembers it, even when I didn't think I did anything.

Sometimes they feel the help is too small and they're too deserved of it to actually appreciate it.

You nailed it, once I notice this entitlement shit in someone, I cut them off immediately, cos no matter what you did for them, one slight mistake is what is needed and all the good deeds is going down the drain

I was chatting with a friend a few days ago, and I told him I've never gotten free money from anyone before. I have always been the giver. But then I was wrong, I remembered a friend who appreciated me the same way after getting his first salary, and a few tips I have gotten from some users on the hive Blockchain.

Most people believe I am doing well and don't need the money and may not know sometimes I sacrifice my last. I'm glad the girl from your post understand what it means to sacrifice in the little way possible even though you can't exactly remember your deed. That's life, people with different way they react to deeds.

I've gotten a lot of help from a lot of people of which without that help I might not know where I'd have been today. However, it's different with Nigerian women, it's always the men doing most of the giving. This period, it was actually the first time for me. I appreciate it because it had never happened to me before. I was happy about it and also was very happy that someone was thinking about me.

Most people believe I am doing well and don't need the money and may not know sometimes I sacrifice my last

This is how entitled people behave. Instead of actually asking you if you need any help, they'd rather think you don't so that they wouldn't have to render it.

Hahaha. It's indeed different with Nigeria women. Anyways, things would get better sooner

You need to resolve yourself of the worry. If she decided to send that money, I’m sure it was because she could afford it.

Good deeds always have a way of coming back in positive ways. This was yours. I don’t think I’ve had something like this happen for me before. But it’s understandable because financially, I haven’t been able to help that many people out because of my own situation. I do hope that someone in the future will find my kindness or a good deed I did for them in the past worthy of reaching back out at the least, even if not to send a token.

I couldn't really point out how I helped this person, even if I knew I somehow did. It was 10 to 11 years ago, it's been such a long time and they popping up to actually remind me of kind gestures of over 10 years shows that some people have more sense of gratitude than some others.
I couldn't remember that was why I felt guilty. However, it is a gift from her and it would be more awkward to reject the gift.

Just like you, this seems to be the only person after a long time that has shown gratitude to me.

Wow, such kind of people are rarely present in this world. Who remember your kindness,
In my case, I have never seen anyone returning my money on their own. I always had to ask about that or sometimes I have to force them to return my money.

Because I believe that, do good but only to good people.

She didn't return any money, she just decided to be choose to repay whatever kindness she held close to her heart by choosing monetary gifts.

Oh, I see.
Well, best wishes from my side.

I like I should help and the person show appreciation to me, I think is good that you accept the money coz that's her own way of appreciation

Yes, definitely it was her own way of appreciation

I always have given money to people but they never have returned me back. And at last I feel guilty on myself that why I have given them money.

I feel similar to many people who just want something.most would not provide help

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I am someone who sees help aa a debt. If someone helps me, I will feel indebted to the person and want to help the person back in one way or the other.
That's how it is supposed to be but some people do not even care at all...lol

That economic situation is really a thing in Nigeria.
And it's understandable that one's first reaction to people reaching out to you might trigger the "I can't help" preset mindset.
The average Nigerian today is either owing someone or trying to pay a bill somewhere.
It's crazy.

That's very thoughtful of her. It is great seeing people being appreciative and all. And I do agree that the country is messing up with people's finances but if it came from her mind then you should use it and pray for her.

So many people who one has helped at a point in time would somehow forget the help one has done for them, buy somehow not the best. We have people of different thoughts. The way they think towards people are not just the same.

The one you have helped today and think of remembering you in the future is the best one so far. The kind of people we have nowadays wouldn't want to remember the help you have done despite the fact that you were no expecting anything from them.

Appreciation is the best answer to success. This girl in question is the type who is destined to succeed in life and nothing cam change this fact.