what do you do?
When you get a text message saying "Your mom is at a hospice, 3 weeks max to live. Want an invite to the funeral?"
What am I supposed to do? Go give her a farewell hug and pretend I care?
The last thing I heard from her was a drunk phone call 30 years ago, where she moaned and said "please tell me I'm a good mom so I don't have to feel guilty for having been a bad mom" and I slammed the phone down and changed my phone number yet again because she was a bad mom, and I wanted, needed her to apologise for it. Not the other way around.
Even if I did go visit her at her hospice, she wouldn't recognize me. I've let my hair grow, now that nobody can stop me. I wear glasses. And nowaydays I smile when I am happy. She always told me not to, because I wasn't cute. It took me years after leaving home to learn how to smile, and I'm still working on the laugh. I'm 50+ years old and feel afraid to laugh because my mom used to slap me. Every time I write !LOLZ is a revolt against her.
And now she's dying. Spending her last few weeks at a hospice. My youngest sister said she hopes our mom will last long enough to not disturb our brother's wedding with her death. That's some legacy, isn't it? I can see the inscription on the stone: "Whatever else, at least she let her beloved son marry in peace." Not that I really believe he would let her death disturb his wedding.
I went to my dad's funeral because one sis said the other would be hurt otherwise, and the few friends he had would have wondered if we weren't all there. Despite all of us knowing he never gave a damn about any of us, friends or children. I'm not sure I can do it again.
I don't owe nothing to either of my parents. If it helps my sisters I'll go to the funeral and pretend, like last time. But I doubt that'll be the case this time. Cold-hearted? So be it. I can mourn the love we never had, but I can't mourn a person who never loved me.
Even so, I do want to care. I want her death to mean more than "it's over, she can't hurt me any more." But all I can think of is "wow, I no longer need to keep my phone number and address secret. That's $150 less to pay a year." That's all she was to me - a cost to keep her away.
Of all the communities I had to pick from, why here, why not Alive? Because this is not a celebration of being alive. Gems? I don't think my mother was a gem, nor that my story is well enough written to count. Scholar-and-Scribe or the Ink-well? I'm not sure this would be ok, since it's not fiction. So Ladies it is. The story is after all about a daughter's relation with her mom, however much of a failure it turned out to be.
Hi dear ❤️ thats 3 days old, I am late here and hope youre doing okay with your thoughts and emotions? So sorry you had and have to go through this.
Out of my own recent challenge I came to the topic of "radical forgiveness" and reading your lines reminded me once again to care for.
Its not about speaking someone free from guilt. Not at all. Its only about free yourself and find your peace within.
Also she still is alive, so I think its strange that your siblings already are pushing you to go to the funeral?
Whatever decision you choose, follow your heart, love and care for yourself.
Dont know if its helpful what I write, at least I hope so. Feel hugged !HUG !LUV
I'm fine now. I've rarely thought about her for many many years, except when topics like childhood memories come up, and now I don't have to ever again. Maybe I'm a horrible person for saying so, but it's a relief that she'll be as dead IRL as she's been to me for most of my life.
After chatting briefly with my youngest sister, I found that none of the others really want to go to the funeral either, and she knew I certainly wouldn't, but thought the polite thing to do was to ask me anyway.
Forgiveness... yes. I do forgive people, I don't like being angry and bitter. And I do ask forgiveness, and try to repair things when I've hurt someone. She never did. She just wanted others to pretend she never hurt them, pretend that she was a wonderful person, and shore up her self-image. And that I cannot do.
!HUG
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @treefrognada.
(4/300)
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @beeber.
(4/300)
There is nowt as queer as folk we say in Scotland.
Big hugs Treefrog just do what is right for you.
I hope you can write !LOLZ over and over again!
lolztoken.com
Remains to be seen.
Credit: reddit
@treefrognada, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @tengolotodo
(2/8)
ENTER @WIN.HIVE'S DAILY DRAW AND WIN HIVE!
Thank you! I shall surely do what I think is right, and hurts the fewest people 💜
Yep listen to you.
Sometimes I think I'm the only one who does. 😹
But I've got a new friend now! I'll post about that later tonight :)
hmmm judging by your emoji, you have a wee cat now ...
I wish! But we're on the second floor, so it wouldn't be able to go out if we did get one. We've considered trying to swap apartments with the downstairs neighbours, but theirs is a lot smaller, and we use all the space we have and still feel crowded, so that wouldn't really work.
mmm well @coquicoin has a cat, see her last post, they just made their balcony cat safe as they not on the ground-floor!
I don't know what to say. Even though she is a bad mother. But I wouldn't have the heart to see her dying if it was my mother.
But I'm not going to see her dying, that's the point. She's been dead to me for many many years, and I imagine it goes both ways. I guess we just aren't a family family, everybody having chosen their own ways of life, and what people we want to be close to.
Yes I understand. Everyone has their own opinion and I don't mind it
!LUV
@luna1999, @treefrognada(1/3) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki | <>< daily
! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoAwwwh. Sweetheart. That sounds like your childhood totally effing sucked. Bummer that you had such a fcked up time of being a kid. If you believe you get many lives, then I wish for you to have a totally different experience in your next life where you get to have a Mum and Dad who know how to care.
But for now, here's a very big hug (and maybe a punching bag) as you navigate this shitty time. And regardless of what anyone else might say (or think) I believe you're 100% allowed to feel how you feel.
xxx
Thanks! I'm going to be a squirrel in my next life I think, live in Central Park, New York, and get spoiled by the tourists. Or maybe a polar bear? A cold swim would be wonderful right now 😹 Though the way we are treating our planet I guess all the icebergs will have melted by the time I get to be reborn. 🤷
!ALIVE
Ooooh. Being a squirrel sounds like a great plan 🐿️ Though a cold swim would be nice... if you had as much insulation as a polar bear 😂 Maybe while you're reincarnating the humans left on earth might magically just fix this place up. 🤷♀️ That would be nice !LOL
!LUV & !HUG (to the Human & the Squirrel, not the Polar Bear... that's too scary 😁😯😂)
@treefrognada, @consciouscat(1/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki | <>< daily
! help(no space) to get help on Hive. Infololztoken.com
He was a terrible conductor.
Credit: reddit
@treefrognada, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @consciouscat
(1/8)
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @consciouscat.
(2/300)
@consciouscat! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @treefrognada. (1/10)
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want, plus you can win Hive Power and Alive Power delegations and Ecency Points in our chat every day.
A squirrel, hmmm...
They look cute and cuddly, so everybody loves them, but they can be quite ferocious when needed :)
A fish might do better
I thought this was fiction until I read the last part. I am out of words... Hope you do whatever your heart tells you...
!HUG
Thanks! I surely will!
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @ifarmgirl.
(1/200)
Congratulations @treefrognada! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next target is to reach 4500 replies.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out our last posts: