To be honest, I'm not really sure if I have correctly interpreted several things you said as well, and I think it is probably due to weaknesses in your English skills. But as someone who is trying to learn a foreign language now (Mandarin, in my case), I do very much appreciate the amount of effort and fortitude it requires to write in a language that is not your native language, and for the most part it is a task I'm still too shy to even try much. So I can only say "加油"!
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