“But you hate coding.” My mother’s voice echoes over the divide of impossible horizons.
"No," I give her the evil eye, "I love coding.” She laughs and laughs.
She laughs so hard that my ears burn.
Of course, she’s right. I mull over her honest humor, and I can’t find fault with her scathing comment.
I look out of the window, and the day is darkening; rain is on the way. The sky’s mood mirrors my own in perfect reflection.
I’m building a new project. One of a thousand I’ve initiated. Many never see the light of day. I’m a great beginner.
Nevertheless, I turn back to my screen and look at the geometry—the graph of coordinates staring at me with awkward, uneven angles. I’m trying to pinpoint an elusive error. The code won’t do what it’s meant to.
Between my mom’s attitude and my inability, I feel the hard rock of failure. That rock rolls over me, and I’m flattened.
I close the screen and sigh. It’s been a long day. I decided to watch Netflix. Find something light. I search for a comedy. My fingers tap and tap. My brain, however, is on overdrive. I try to escape the hot sensation of sly ambition, which is scalding my heart. I stop looking for a movie. I fire up my IDE and write code, to the drumbeat of the rain, until the dawn blushes pink across my bedroom window.
I feel as if the grit of exhaustion in my eyes will make me blind. The day grows lighter in the corners of my tired eyes. I’m not sure if it’s the arrow of my mother’s honesty or the fact that I’ve always been stubborn in the face of ridicule, but suddenly the geometry doesn’t look all that bad. The numbers float across the screen with harmonious symmetry, and the images they’re meant to generate render on the screen.
There’s actually something there. I’ve built something from a blank, blank page. I’ve produced something. Granted, it’s extremely short of earth-shattering, but it’s something. I flip my screen closed, grip the device tightly to my chest, and hobble on my aching feet to find my mom.
"Will you look at what I’ve done? Will you see if it’s any good?” My heart is in my mouth, and I’m desperately shy but absolutely determined at the same time.
She blinks against the stark morning light. "What? Did you code something?"
"Take a look.” I slide the screen in front of her face.
She’s still. She’s quiet. She takes a deep, deep look.
Then she laughs and laughs.
"See," she says with tears in her eyes," I know you so very well, and you’d never, ever be able to do anything at all unless someone tells you that you can’t.” She takes a breath, "I’m simply the best mother ever!"
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So reverse psychology is your Kryptonite, huh??? 😂😂😂
I love you. I love your mom. Tell her I agree with her hehe.
ps: Oh... and btw... I loved the post. So did Brett!! You are way too hard on yourself. Always. You're so talented. You're a treasure, my Stylish 💗 !LUV
@itsostylish, @samsmith1971(2/10) sent LUV. | connect | community | HiveWiki | NFT | <>< daily
! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoThank you so much my Sammy. I love u so very, very much ❤️❤️💕❤️❤️
We never stop needing and wanting that approval, do we? Your mother's negative reinforcement cracks me up. And it reminds me of my mother, although mine was essentially afraid of "spoiling" her children so never offered praise of any kind.
Your coding experience also really reminds me of my experience with writing — creating something from that blank blank page. It may not be good at first, but we build the bones, and then the rest can be added in iterations of inspiration and gritted teeth.
I loved this post. No matter what creators and coders choose to create, we can all relate to that desire to make something out of nothing, and to give it life.
It’s your intuitiveness that makes you so special. I’ve finally put my finger on what it is. Fortunately, for you, it can never, ever be emulated. You are one of a kind!
Thank you @jayna
Thank you muchness ❤️💕❤️😘😘😘😘
I'm pretty late, I see that. Real cool you have a mom still. Figured you wouldn't mind how late I was if that's all I was gonna say.
Hahha, that's some parenting right there. She clearly knows you too well.
I love the way you've used the landscape to mirror your feelings here. It's one of my favourite techniques, and I love how the landscape can almost be another character - a friend or foe, mostly!
Yeah, mom is a real gem. She’s a character and a half. Hehe 😉
I’m so often receptive to the environment that it’s difficult to ignore it in my writing 😊😊❤️💕😘
I love the way you write about coding. It's not a mystery, but a thing of beauty, a thing of symmetry and logic.
Many years ago (1982) I took a BASIC programming course in Applesoft. It was independent learning. I had a book and met with the teacher once a week. He would look at what I'd done and then send me away with instructions to do the next chapter and write a program that could achieve a certain goal--maybe assign hotel rooms.
There was a beauty to it. Although there were rules, I didn't have to follow them exactly, as long as I got the program to do what it was supposed to.
It always felt like a creative breakthrough when the program did what it was supposed to. It's been years since I felt exactly that. And now I felt it again when I read your piece.
I get it. Don't remember much about coding except maybe goto😅 but it is a wonderful way to exercise the brain.
Great essay, @itsostylish. I've been looking for a piece by you, and finally!
Your journey with BASIC really gave you a taste for the lyrics to the harmonious song of symmetry. Heheee
Writing code can be sooooo very frustrating, but when it comes together, oh, baby, OH! It’s a beautiful 🤩 thing. Thank you so much for reading @agmoore, you’re a GEM.
When are you coming back to curate? You’re so SORELY missed!!!
It's good to read your post, @itsostylish. Some people are analytic, and some people are creative. You are both :) That's the best combination
Your story is a well crafted that captures the emotional journey with honesty and depth You blend of personal introspection and relatable experiences makes it engaging and thought-provoking.
Thank you 😊
To know you better than you know yourself, a fine parent indeed!
Thanks for reading ❤️💕❤️💕 🤗
My mom has a heart of gold 😉
I'm impressed by the descriptive writing and character development within a short piece. Keep writing.
❤️💕
Yay! 🤗
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You bring us a story... not so much about a coding/writers's block but more about the feelings of being inadequate and failing in confidence. We've all been there, and we all need others to remind us that we matter, that we have value, and that we are making a difference in the world! YOU have talent in bounds. Thank goodness your mother uses reverse psychology on you to motivate you to action. It works! You code all night. You succeed on more levels than one. And now we have the joy of another piece of writing shared on Hive and in The Ink Well. A lovely balanced piece with a good character and story arc.
Oh, you’ve made my day. You’ve made it bright and shiny
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