At a very tender age, my parents taught me and my siblings to always stand up for ourselves but we should also try to stay away from fighting and not instigate it. I have always abided by this rule until one day when I lost my temper.
I could remember I was about 15 years old then. There was this girl whose aunt had a shop close to my street, she was about my age or thereabouts. She does pass by my street frequently. I have been told that this girl is a troublemaker. She is also filled with pride and always lets people know that her parents are well-to-do.
I have also noticed she doesn't like me. I don't know why but I knew she was always trying to prove I was not on the same level as her probably because her parents were rich according to her. I also noticed she likes giving snide comments whenever she sees me. Since I was told she likes trouble, I decided not to have any business with her until the day she crossed my path.
It happened that before that day she mostly saw my friend and me buying second-hand clothes at the market. These clothes are colloquially known as "Okrika". It is common to see people both young and old buy fairly used clothes and other items because they are cheap and most of them are also of good quality as well as in good condition.
I was with my friend in her mum's shop at the back of my house that day. We were there gisting when this girl came to buy some provisions.
My friend attended to her but there was no particular denomination to give the girl as her balance. So my friend told her to wait while she went in search of a way to get her the remaining balance. I was left alone with her. I started reading a book close to me and avoided any form of discussion with her.
Then I heard her hiss, I pretended I didn't hear her, and then she started talking to herself, talking about how some people only wear second-hand clothes all their lives. Even their house is fairly used(Then my house isn't fully completed). I knew she was referring to me but I kept quiet and ignored her.
Then a young boy came to get something from the shop and saw that I was the one there. Before the boy could say anything. She told the boy;
"The person selling is not around, I doubt the mumu(fool)left in the shop knows anything about selling". It was very glaring that she wanted my attention.
The boy was confused and told her that he was not seeing any fool in the shop, only a person.
At that point, I couldn't contain my anger I asked her if she had a problem with me. Then she started raising her voice seeing as she had succeeded in getting my attention.
She threw derogatory words at me. By then my friend was back and was trying to find out the cause of the commotion but this girl didn't stop raining insults on me. It was as if there was something about me that always piss her off.
The last straw was when she mentioned my family and started saying mean words about them I raised my hands, and before my friend could stop me, I landed a punch on her nose and started fighting her. She held my clothes while I gave her the beating of her life.
If not for passersby who intervened, I would have given her serious injuries because I was fuming with anger.
The noise attracted some neighbors who came around and those who saw that I was the one fighting with another were surprised and told me to calm down because I was shaking with anger.
The girl's aunt came and threatened to get me and all the people who beat her niece arrested. The news that got to her aunt was that about three people surrounded her niece and were beating her which caused her to have a swollen face. Her nose was also bleeding and some people took her back to her aunt's shop.
The incident became a huge thing as more people came around talking about it. Even those passing by stopped to listen to the gist. I was told to go home and as I sat down in my sitting room I could still hear some of my neighbors saying "Ko de kin ja o, kilowashele"(She doesn't fight. What could have prompted it).
After calming down for a while, I played back the scenario in my head and that was when I knew that "we are sometimes defined by the choices we make when conflict arises". My mother's words kept ringing in my ears, then I began to regret the fight. It angered me more that I allowed the girl to force my hand.
"Why didn't I just ignore her? Why did I have to give in to my anger?", those thoughts kept playing over in my head as I awaited my mum's arrival from work because my dad had traveled at the time.
As soon as my mum entered our street. The news got to her before she could even get home.
My mum and a few of our neighbors went to the aunt's shop to apologize on my behalf. I felt bad having to put my mum through all that.
My mum asked me nothing that day which caused me to walk on eggshells around her. She was probably trying to figure out what could have triggered that anger that made me beat the girl like that.
The next day, after I was done eating my mum called me and asked me to sit down beside her and I knew then that, "This is the moment I have been waiting for". When she asked me to narrate what had happened that day. I told her all that happened and how the girl insulted me and my family.
"But this is not the first someone has insulted you right? why didn't you ignore her and proceed to fight with her?"
Then I told her how much I see her and my dad struggle and work tirelessly to provide for us. Even on some days when they are supposed to rest, they go to work and sometimes come back late and very tired.
Seeing as the girl talked down on all their hard work was what got me so angry. But my mum was having none of it as she told me that it is their responsibility to take care of us and I need not worry about any of it. Then she warned me about fighting and asked me *"What if the girl has an underlying illness? What if she had fainted? What if I had given her serious injuries? What if... What if...?
She further made me realize that bad things happen when people fail to control their anger and told me to promise her not to fight like that again, which I did.
The funny part was that the girl's aunt and my mum later became close and my mum later told me that the aunt confessed at a later time that while she was angry at the time of the fight, part of her was glad her niece was put in her place as she had cautioned her all to no avail.
According to her, the girl had been spoilt by her parents before she was brought over to her which made her so rude and insult people at will and she loves looking for trouble.
She(the aunt) said that she had told her niece that if she didn't learn to bridle her tongue, it would get her in trouble and someone would deal with her. She further said that ever since the incident, her niece has stopped insulting people.
I think that was the first and the last time I had a huge fight with anyone and the girl knew better than to cross my path ever since.
People can be very provocative, but when they exceed the limit it is something that one cannot bear. I agree with the girl's aunt, it was necessary for someone to put her in her place. Very good story.
Thank you so much for reading.
This was truly a good story, see how everything ended? Her aunt and your mom later became friends, what a lesson here.
A lesson indeed. Thanks for stopping by sis.
In life we meet people like your friend, they can be so toxic that we end up giving in to provocations. It is not every day that we have the tolerance to endure insults and mistreatment.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Good day.
Thank you for coming around.
Although we commonly think we can control ourselves there are situations that overcome us and some unknown form of being in us emerges and takes control of the situation. It's usually for the best as in your case, @rukkie
Thank you so much for your support.
Wow what an intense story! I can totally relate to feeling that burning anger when someone insults you or your family. The writer does an excellent job painting that scene and making you feel the buildup of emotions. Even though fighting is never the ideal solution you can understand how a young person might snap after being repeatedly provoked and disrespected like that.
The way the mom handled it was great parenting - letting her daughter know violence is not OK but also listening and being understanding about what led to that breaking point. Her perspective about how they struggle to provide and having that work denigrated was really insightful. And the little twist at the end about the aunt lowkey being OK with her niece getting put in her place because of her bratty attitude? Chef's kiss!
Wow! Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate your coming around.
At least you put her in the rightful place. It's always hard to control your anger when people talk Ill about your family.
Sometimes you'd never know if the person is sick, and just one blow might cause something serious. It's always best to master self-control regardless of how much they provoke you. #dreemerforlife
Yes, I learned that better now. Thank you for stopping by.
If I were you, I'll do same. I can take all insults but talking down on my family is what I won't take. I stay far away from trouble, fights and the rest but don't cross my path. You won't like me at all 😂
#dreemerforlife
😂😂😂😂 Iron Lady. Thank you for coming around.
Kudos to you @rukkie Even as a girl you were in control of yourself. I know you write here of an incident when you lost your temper and got physical. But looking at the response of the adults around you it is clear that you had your temper in control, not just physical temper but vocal too. Otherwise adults are never ready to give children the benefit of doubt. Especially when we were young :)
Secondly I respect your mother a lot, as she reminds me of my father. He never used to allow me to hide behind a wall and jump out to say "boo" as kids normally do. Even though I was less than 10 then he said something very similar to
In his words it was "What if that uncle/aunty has a heart condition, or what if they lose control due to shock and fall down the stairs..." It made me very vary of playing practical jokes on people, or being physical with them. I cannot say i was never physical or I played no jokes, but overall I avoided it thanks to his explanations.
Cheers from a fellow #dreemerforlife
provocations come from who you least expect it, I also avoid fights, your parents taught you good principles, all that mess leaves a learning experience. you are right, second hand clothes have their advantages ‘Okrika’.
#dreemerforlife
Your mom spoke the real deal. Bad and terrible things happen when we can't control our temper.
#dreemerforlife
Most people intentionally love looking for trouble.
I hope she would have changed by now.
#dreemerforlife
I do hope she has changed. Thank you for stopping by.
You're welcome.
Well done rukkie!
Sometimes people need taking down a peg or two. I never shirked away from a bully, and often a punch in the nose or a headbutt against their face works wonders.
It is not always possible to ignore people, sometimes you have to do what you need to do. There is nothing worse than people shitting on people you love.
#dreemerforlife
😂😂😂😂 that punch did work wonders. Thank you for coming around.
You are so very welcome! The power of a punch!