It is the first time I will be writing at midnight, but I will definitely post during the daytime. I chose to write it at midnight so that I would not forget all of the details.
So it is 2:45AM here, and I just had an oddly satisfying dream, when the realization struck me. I will share it with you.
Earlier in the day, I hired someone to repair my cable dish, which had been damaged for five days. I was already tired of staying at home and checking my test results with constant worry and pain in my heart, so all I wanted to do was fix the cable so I could watch TV again. So I chatted with the cable guy. I told him about my condition (not the whole story), but he told me about how he rarely got sick except for ulcers, which made me feel like I was probably the only one suffering.
When he left after doing the repairs, I had my TV to watch again, but I was still thinking about how almost everyone in the world was in good health, but I was the odd one out. Clearly, I had the temerity to think this way. I virtually live around people (with the ones I know online) and I was literally the one only who was always the going through things, (shit health, family losses and many things). I was watching TV at the time, but I quickly returned to mopping, and the pain returned.
When it was almost 7, I picked up my Bible and walked for over 20 minutes to a church program; I did not feel like I was trekking because I was preoccupied with so many depressing thoughts. Then I went to the church, and we finished the service at 8. It was the same thing: I walked home in horror and pain. I remembered someone who I thought might need a call, so I called him, but he did not answer.
He is a fun guy going through some really terrible horror, but he has his family. I had not spoken to him in a while, and I was worried because he had not returned my call in two days. But I got back to thinking about my problems.
I got home and ate dinner, and for some reason, I decided to open Tiktok to check a video I saw on a lady's Whatsapp status, for which I have her phone number on Hive here. However, I did not re-watch the video I wanted to. You know how tiktok works: it shows you random videos of things. I had not used the app in weeks or months. So I decided to spend some time looking through these video suggestions, and I came across this ridiculous "of course" challenge, which is mostly done by Nigerians.
But this time, I saw people doing it for various reasons. Turned out there were people who did it to show their disabilities. I saw people who did it for medical conditions that I had never heard of. I saw people at the end of dilapidated ERSD (End Stage Renal Disease). I mean, I have mild renal injury, as evidenced by my urine tests, but I just had to see those who most likely did not have the opportunity to put theirs in remission when it was in its early stages.
I was not happy after seeing these videos, but due to tiktok's morbid and diabolical retention abilities, I went on to watch more. I stopped after more than an hour. Then it struck me! I felt it was a spiritual ministration, but I ignored it and went to bed; it was not until I woke up at midnight, after reflecting on the dreams I would had, that I started to understand.
I had a strange dream in which I was running away from someone. She appeared to be a powerful person, but I had a guy bring his car and help me flee from this lady and her entourage of military personnel and siren cars. They chased me with motorcycles, police, and foot soldiers. I did not even think about the crimes I committed, but they chased me like a criminal... and then this guy appeared, brought his car, and it was like one of the scenes from "Fast and Furious."
Fortunately for me, our car was able to escape thanks to a cunning move by my driver helper, and we eventually found a hiding place in the home of a family member. However, after I thought we would escaped, this guy informs me that the women and their police escort are now outside. Obviously, someone must have sold us out. I felt regret, pain and betrayal. I attempted to run into a house and lock the door, but a family member began to break it open from the outside. It hit me again.
She was probably the one who sold me out. After a while, I lashed out at her for what she did to me, and I felt the pain of betrayal. (It was like that type I felt after my brother's passing) It was strong and it didn't feel like a dream. Even after I awoke, I could feel the tears. When she finally broke down the door and brought me out, I took off running. Who was I kidding? A sickly tiny man fleeing armed forces with military training.
They got me without breaking a sweat. My driver friend was probably in the shadows, planning how to assist me. They carried me like an ant, and all of my attempts to flee failed. I was paraded through the street, and while I was there, my driver friend began to raise a chant, and after a while, the street joined in singing that chant, and attacked the military, and the military lost the battle, but they were able to rescue me and take me away.
During the squabble, I was able to see the woman who ordered my attack, and with all the rage I could muster, I gave her some brain damaging slaps. The streets rose up and began to celebrate me, and I awoke. It was not me; it was probably God speaking in his own way. I had not felt such conviction in a long time. My dreams were always depressing and scary, which is understandable.
When your physical life is going through turbulence, your dreams always reflect that. However, this one had a divine touch to it. I thought the message was clear: my condition was bad, but it was not the end. I began to understand the desire that drove me to watch those videos on tiktok. I thought the message was this: You are down, sick, depressed, have no friends, a chronic condition, metabolic dysfunctions accompanied by fear and uncertainty, no family, and endless nights of tears and pain, but it is not over. The dream fit together, and I was convinced that it was the king of kings, the one who never sleeps but created sleep. The one who says we should put our trust in him. This post is already too long, so I believe I should continue in another post.
Interested in some more of my works
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As we are subjective, most of the time we see our problems as the biggest, nobody has a bigger problem than us... To be honest, I was feeling the same last week at the meetup in Hamburg... I didn't have enough sleep during the weekend, I had a bad migraine, and in the end, on the last day, I went to the hotel room to take a rest while others went to visit the city and the museum... It sucked a lot as I felt like an outsider, like a person who always has some issue and just complicates things to myself, and people in my surrounding... I was literally pissed off on myself and how can I be like that!
In the end, it is what it is... The only thing that I can do about is to try to keep myself healthy as much as possible, to not make it worse than it is, and live with it! I was complaining about my health, while others have much bigger issues, but they don't complain! That's a huge difference... After a while, I realized that many have much worse living conditions than me, but they don't "share that"... Realizing that, it helped me to appreciate more the support that I have, and the health that I have!
Sorry about the long comment... and me complaining... 🙂
You're not complaining, you could relate and that's why this post meant a lot to you. Some people might read and pass and it wouldn't mean anything to them. Your issues had let you to have a deeper reflection of life and sometimes these reflections come as a result of the challenges we face. Even in the midst of a meetup, you still could fill that you were singled out and this made you reflect on your health.
It's the same with me. I know my prognosis affects my daily life, sometimes the complications worry me, but there are people who have it worse and for this, I just find closure and give thanks and appreciate this in my own way.
Thank you for this piece, and the curation
I relate all too well with thinking your problems are bigger than everyone elses. I think it’s just human nature to think that way. It helps to know that everyone else around you are not NPCs though. They have problems, joys, challenges and everything else you have. So even though it might feel like you’re the only ones with problems, it’s far from reality.
I have an inherited metabolic genetic deficiency called G6PD. The degree of the deficiency varies among different people. In my case, I am partially deficient, so you can barely tell there’s anything wrong with me. I just face some restrictions on what foods I can eat and what I can’t, and also some medications I can’t take that normal people can. This is something that if I didn’t tell you, you most likely wouldn’t know. And it’s just one thing on a list of many things you don’t know about me. So take it easy on yourself, man :)
In reality, the unique of pain is why it's difficult to underestimate the problems of others. In my situation, I've carried mine like a champ. I just hit rock bottom with the whole loss around me, only to realize there are complications that are underlying and that I haven't paid attention to. However, my pain is not new to me. It's been in remission for years only to escalate.
For my health, I'm living life and taking care of what I can. Like you, nobody knows what's wrong unless they pay attention, and we live in a world where people have a lot to personally deal with. So sometimes, your pain is a personal war.
I think you should always learn to sleep well. What do I mean by that? I mean that you should try to do the best thing you love to do and it should be your last activity for the night before you sleep. That way, it is possible for you not to have a bad dream like this woman who is chasing you…
You aren’t the only one going through one or two and no matter what condition we may be in, we should always give thanks to God!
It's always easier said than done. If life was a game of positivity I'm sure winning will not be too hard. Thank you all the same
Dreams can be interesting, and when things are rough the dreams reflect it I agree. Trust in God is the best you can do in the face of everything you have going on. I have dreams that reflect my stress too, so you're not alone. Hang in there!
Well I also have dreams that don't reflect my stress as well too. They just happen and most times I see those dreams in the future. It was a whole new perspective, so I decided to share. Thank you for the kind words
The whole scene of your dream is surely not a random event! The end gives hope that you're not fighting this battle alone and the people who fought for you are probably your guardian angels. It is not a coincidence that you got this dream after all the thoughts of feeling down about your health and questioning.
I normally seek a message from the dream, some can be influenced by what we are exposed to during the day. Sometimes our dreams are actually what our subconscious mind gets to access in the spiritual world when sleeping. I must say the family member betraying you got me a bit paranoid because it seems like the dream intended to also bring awareness to you on who to count on for help. And the friend who was there for you is also open to a lot of interpretations. Otherwise, I think so too that this is a reassurance dream that you are not fighting your health battles alone!🌻
Thank you. Well I have known betrayal, it didn't surprise me. I come from a dysfunctional extended family and I've used to betrayal, so it probably wasn't new to me that something like that would happen, however it doesn't make it hurt less. Pain is pain.
It was a revealing dream, and it came when I was unnecessarily stressed that evening.
My mind was full of questions prior to that dream and sometimes having questions without answers can be frustrating.
It was why I shared the dream. It felt so different, as most of my dream before then has been scary and dreary.
Thank you for the kind words, I'm grateful
You're welcome!
Your guardian angels got your back Jose and your dream was worth sharing!
Have a great week! 🌺
!PIZZA
Well I uninstalled tik tok a moth ago for some of the reasons you speak about it's spread nice and funny contents but also morbid and creepy ones and it's triggered me too much I will probably end up uninstalling also other social media I see that use them affect my mood a lot. By the way I try not to think about health and world problems distracting myself all the time because I'm a huge over thinker and I often feel overwhelmed by my thoughts.
You're right to look for distractions to fill the void. Sometimes the world gets so lonely and keeping busy and staying distracted helps a lot. I have not uninstalled my tiktok, I only use it maybe once in a month or so, just like I did yesterday. Tiktok can be truly morbid, I don't know how the creators designed it to be so.
Wow, it was such a powerful dream you had, and I am glad that at the end, you saw that you were not alone. Someone was there with you saving you when you least expect it. This, I believe, is a wake-up call to remind you to live your life well and never let whatever illness you have stop you from truly being happy.
Well when life problems becomes invasive, it stares you in the face and even when you're in remission, simply "feeling" that problem can just take you back to where you were. However, I'm glad I had that revelation. We learn everyday, physically and spiritually. Thank you
Yes, we do learn every day because as long as we are alive, we need to grow. You are welcome.
Am glad you're filled with hope. Life is tainted with a lot of suffering but those who hang on to hope will always find meaning and comfort
Thank you, you're right. Those who persevere wins this battle.
Greetings @josediccus ,
Wow what a post....I really could not tell whilst reading which part is reality and which part dream...as both a bit horiffic.
Permit me to say...that I agree with your solution...to put out trust in the One Christ Jesus who does indeed never sleep.
Have you heard of Moses Onwebiku? I have probably misspelled his name, he is a Pastor in Nigeria...he has written several books...that would be very helpful in learning God's Word....It is Bible doctrines circulating in our stream of consciousness that sustains us, strengthens us in all times...prosperity and adversity...giving us the thinking of Christ.
Hoping you are feeling better today. It is probably rare for someone not to suffer from something be it physical, mental, emotional, etc....invisible or visible it is suffering all the same...after all suffering is part of the human experience. If it were perfect down here...Would we ever look up?
Thank you for opportunity to speak on these things.
Also enjoyed your post regarding curation!
All the best to you...God's best.
Bleujay
$PIZZA slices delivered:
@humbe(1/15) tipped @josediccus
God light is real and can protect and pave the way to peace
Courage