RE: Psychology Addict # 39 | Need For Approval & External Validation

[egotheist]

Thanks a lot for the extensive reply :)

When I said something mean I afterwards felt utterly bad.

Is this associated with everybody or just the people you feel a connection to? For me, it's somehow hard to imagine feeling bad about treating people badly for which I don't care in the slightest.

Even thinking bad of someone takes me down and leaves me dissatisfied - how about you?

For me it's pretty simple: if people behave in a way which justifies a harsh reply - I will usually go for it. I don't feel bad about it at all. Why would I? That person did something, so he has to live with the resulting consequences.

Comments

[erh.germany]

Is this associated with everybody or just the people you feel a connection to?

I try to stretch that to everyone as I believe connection goes far beyond people I meet in person.

Like this:

A farmer whose corn always took the first prize at the state fair had a habit of sharing his best corn seed with all the farmers in the neighborhood.
When asked why, he said, "It is really a matter of self-interest. The wind picks up the pollen and carries it from field to field. So if my neighbors grow inferior corn, the cross-pollination brings down the quality of my own corn. That is why I am concerned that they plant only the very best."
source: http://info.stiltij.nl/publiek/meditatie/studie/zenstories.pdf

See it as a self interest of mine to not wanting to let my anger or judging win over another human. As thoughts are not very much different from seeds I'd give the seed to whoever I disagree with, even then. At least, that is a practice I want to make into a habit and get better.