After almost two months away from work, I am surprised at how well my team has been able to flex to absorb my tasks. I am under no illusion that I am irreplaceable, but I am glad that there have been far less issues than I expected. However, a few little things have slipped through the cracks and a couple balls dropped. Nothing unsalvageable thankfully, at least from a glance.
I have spent most of the day explaining what I am capable of and what I am not, which is hard since I don't know precisely what that is myself. I find I am very apologetic and keep saying sorry, as even though they can take my work, no one really has much spare space, so they have to heavily adjust their own workloads to accommodate mine.
Luckily they have been so understanding, but it is only day two and I know that patience can wear thin, especially when needing to run, but being slowed down by someone limping.
This week, I am reorienting myself in the office and getting acquainted again, as it feels familiar, but also alien. But, it hasn't changed, I have. Now, I am Bizarro Taraz, a person from an offset reality - the same, but different. It feels strange to be connected to something, yet also feel so disconnected.
Sitting down with a team colleague and discussing conditions, she was saying that one of her family friends had a stroke early in the summer also, but it is unlikely that he will ever return to the work he did prior. Work that he enjoyed.
We change a lot through a lifetime and most of us will have several key jobs, but usually we move across them by choice, making the transition smoother. Having our hands forced through external circumstances is pretty hard to swallow, as is being hamstrung and no longer being able to run as earlier, even though it feels like it is possible.
I have used the example of doing a somersault with colleagues to illustrate this, where it may feel like we can do it well, because we remember doing it as a kid, but when we try (for most of us) the reality of our inability hits. I have told them there might be times I take work on, confident I can complete it, but might have to hand it back to them soon after when reality hits.
It is all part of the process though, as I have to test myself in the field as well as in training and not everything is possible to simulate. However, me going through this process (while frustrating for them), should help me get up to speed faster than being at home. At the moment though, I feel like a traffic cone.
But, the social side is nice and I have develop in this area too, as participating in dynamic conversation streams is currently difficult. It is like trying to follow multiple threads of a foreign language with basic skills. Today has felt slightly better than yesterday, but only slightly to the point I am unsure if I am improving or just getting more accustomed to being uncomfortable, which is one of my fears. I don't want to "settle" for a new normal when with a little work, I could be better.
Environment matters a lot to how we learn and in my case, recover, so it is good to feel that I ma making steps to get back on the horse, even though it is uncomfortable to do so. In the past, I have failed at times to learn through uncomfortable conditions (which is why I don't speak Finnish better) and hopefully I can rehab my aversion to it and perhaps once recovered more in this area, start going back and rediscovering some of the balls I have dropped and let slip through the cracks of life myself.
Life is filled with so many pieces that we can never know, focus on, or obtain them all, making it a constant decision-making process of inclusion and exclusion. While we may feel busy, we exclude far more options than we include and have extremely limited visibility on what we are missing, while we go about concentrating on what we aren't. It would be terrible to recognize all that we miss due to loss aversion, but it is good to remember that just because we focus on some aspects, it doesn't mean they are the most important parts of our experience.
One of the positive outcomes to arise from recent events, is that I have a clear opportunity to rediscover parts of myself, as well as investigate what is important to pay attention to and spend my energy upon. Work is important to me, but it is not and has never been the only thing that is, but because it also provides an income, it probably gets more attention than it should at times.
As I was saying the other day, I am looking forward to not having to work for the money, as it allows my attention to wander onto other things that I might have missed along the way. It could also give me the space to see that my focus in some areas is lacking and could do with more attention also. Who knows, that might even be more work, but what kind of work it is may change.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Fucken clickbait titles...
:D
P.S. just great to see you back at work and rocking it.
I literally laughed out loud a couple times. @pooky-jax is looking at me strangely. I will show Her this one...
Lol. Why not indeed.
Reality of life. Mentally we always don’t want to let go of old skills just because we could do it then, doesn’t mean we can still do it now. I was a great runner as a kid and I still feel so even if I have ran in 10 years
It is funny - I used to run the 100 pretty fast - I can still do it... ;D
Congrats man. You must be physically fit then
Have you ever felt that you are a newbie at your office after being away from the work?
At the moment yes. I feel that way now.
Very few people can accept their shortcomings.
Most of the times, I have seen people try to do things that they are not capable of because of their ego. Like lifting weights in the gym that they are not capable of, trying to show off, or investing a big amount of money, that they can't risk, or spending money.
I like humble people. Who know what they are and what they are not. And don't try to show themselves as something they are not.
You have shown you are extraordinary in one more part of life🙂
I think many fall into this trap. I think it starts in school with so many other things and then "matures" into money.
I wish I was extraordinary at something valuable! :D
I understand how could be difficult to adjust your body physics to working back to office after few months. i had same experience but anyways i did manage to adopt the new normal & i hope you too.
It takes time to get back into the groove of things after being away. One day.
Administer beatings, works everytime. Oh hang on...They did some work? Ok, no beatings for at least a week.
Aaaand...I'm done with the stupid comments. Or am I?
I don't have the energy for beatings, but I am taking notes for later.
Try the verbal beating, a good old fashioned tongue-lashing. Not quite as enjoyable but if done right the effect is similar.
Ah hell, nothing like the real thing though, a good smackdown. Maybe you could find a proxy?
Lol.
We all need to know where the kitchen area and the coffee maker is...And the good chocolate biscuits.
Coffee only, snacks have been phased out....
Typical.
Covid-19 restrictions I presume.
Yep. Even though not a issue now, never got reintroduced - like freedom of movement won't be.
Biscuits are the devil...Like freedom of movement.
😂
And I hope you have it as well @tarazkp
I was out for a month through no fault of my own, but, one of the biggest worries I had was that they could get along without me and didn't need me. In the end, they were so happy I was back, but, it seemed like they were doing okay, but, they were under strict orders to no call me unless they had to. (This had to include death somehow) All I am saying is that you will fit in again, maybe even better than before, just differently. Your learning may be done differently, whatever. You are too cognizant of what is missing to let it go.
You just got back. ;))
My brother and I took our kids to a massive trampoline fun park place a few years ago; I could barely move the next day. I remember being able to bounce all day, but its more of a dead-cat bounce now.
I'm looking forward to swapping mundane work for something more fulfilling. My entire life I've been taking orders, and doing the best I can to be worth my employer's investment. I've never been unemployed, and I like to think I've done a good job; I'm certainly not complaining, but its always been building somebody else's vision.
The idea that I could soon be in a position to actually invent/imagine something, and then just dedicate a year or two to making it a reality; that's incredible to me.
I'd actually be prepared to accept a much lower standard of living than I enjoy now, just to free up funds and time to make that happen. Nobody I care to impress would be impressed by a lambo anyway.
You have a great outlook my friend, even the humorous title here on a serious topic is admirable. I'm glad your recovery is going well and i have no doubt you will fully recover and rediscover fascinating parts of yourself and your personality.
It takes a certain type of person to see a setback as an opportunity. You are a glass half full man, like myself and things will work out well for you, as possitivity attracts possitivity.
Bizarro Taraz's Balls Have Dropped...
ROFLMAO..!
With You of course, not at You.
Great subject line. And the Bizarro Taraz line was effing great..!
Good Read.!!