No, this is not click bait. This is an actual story about one of the darkest times in my life and I believe many people can relate and learn from it.
A little over a year ago, after I had found out that I was going to be a father, I ran.
Was I scared? Yes, but that wasn't the reason I ran. I ran and hid for months because I knew I was not the father I should be and believed that someone else might come along that is a better fit.
I know what you might be thinking, "he's a coward" or "real men don't run". But I had to learn the hard way.
I really believed that I was doing everyone a favor by disappearing, in my head I was the cause of all the problems and by taking myself out of the equation I was solving the problem. In fact, this lie that I had bought into followed me everywhere I ran. In a short amount of time, I depleted my entire savings and even shot myself into debt, i destroyed my credit score, I drove myself deeper and deeper into depression and hurt everyone who meant something to me on the way.
I contemplated my suicide everyday, trying new drugs to numb myself, long walks without even being able to shed a tear because by this point I felt so empty. I would gaze in the distance for hours and feel absolutely nothing except a dark, lonely feeling that Is complex to explain yet you all know what i am talking about if you have struggled with depression.
So when did the decision to finally kill myself happen?
Here's how the story unfolds....
I remember it clearly, as if it were yesterday, I went on a long walk by myself down the street, not knowing where I was going or what I was doing, just walking. As I was walking, I was thinking of the best way to kill myself, and I do not say that lightly. I considered my options, how could I go back after the decisions I had already made, the embarrassment and shame experienced on another level.
It was in that moment, I made the decision to kill myself. I killed myself in a different way, I decided I would become the person my new family deserved and kill who I was. It was time to sacrifice everything I was to become everything I could be.
I went back, I faced my consequences, and I make the effort to grow and learn as much as I can every day. Has it been hard, yes, but not as hard as dying with a list full of regrets. The struggle is what makes or breaks us, let it make you. If rock bottom is not enough motivation to turn your life around and turn your dreams into reality, i don't know what is.
It is not like I changed my life around and it has been smooth sailing ever since. But it has been worth it and the lesson I have learned have stayed with me through the challenges life brings my way. Actually, I love my life, my son and his mom, my businesses have been growing faster than ever, and I see the bigger picture much clearer than ever before. Something I remember through every storm life brings my way is that life will always throw its challenges your way right before it either showers you with blessings or you give up. Don't give up. Let the blessings rain down.
I think that my story, although extreme, can apply to everyone in some way or another. Thank you for reading, please continue following my journey and sharing all the success with me across the other platforms.
My family means the world to me.
And if there is a contest for best dad in the world im going to win.
instagram.com/officialjacobcaringer
Facebook.com/Jacob.caringer
The realest people have the realization of an inherent emptiness. Feeling as if you're the only one surrounded by people who only know small talk and seem as if they're "placed." And then some are under the impression that you can just get over a depression. It swallows you up. Especially if you're in a life where everyone has preconceived notions of how you should be and act whether from friends or family. I've overcame it and talked people passed suicidal thoughts recently. Glad to hear you're making the most of life now. Peace to you brother✌🏼
It's so true, thank you! And I told makes me happy to hear you overcame and are using your experience to help others!
Hi Jacob,
I can really relate to you. Your story is quite similar to mine.
But when I was in the period of considering "disappearing" myself from this world I had a lot of thoughts. What about my family? How will they live with it? If I were to kill myself, what was the best way without creating the hassle for others (i don't understand why people jump off high buildings, much work for others to clean up)? Should I overdose on drugs?
Nvm that..shortly during at the time, an awesome lady came into my life. We are now partners for 3 years and we planning to get hitched next year.
The moment she came in my life, she showed me love with a lot of patience. She coped with my stress for a while, but she never gave up. She thought me how to "disappear" myself without killing myself.
Just like yourself, I have now made an effort to change my life around. With positivity, things are a lot better now. Started my own small company and it is slowly growing. I am much happier now. I have also at that time, was fortunate to meet a couple of good buddies from online (they too are on steemit) and they kept on giving me the courage and motivation through many ways to stay on living. Though I have never actually related to them what actually happened, but they sort of understood me. One of them introduced me to Steemit and I am very happy with the community here.
I just live daily with this small circle of people I keep close with including a very old friend from school days (both very successful husband and wife). Supported me financially when I was down, and just like the awesome people above, they made me realise that I just only need to keep away from the people I used to be friends with.
Now I get closer to my family. I see them more often now. Life is better, life is good. I still get occasional anxiety and depression at times but I am still learning every day to tell it to stay away from me.
Thank you for sharing your story Jacob. I wish you and your awesome family well. Keep it up! Keep on Steeming too. It is really great here. This will be my last month on Facebook (it's full of toxic) and will be focusing fully on Steemit.
Take care, Namaste brother.
Thank you for sharing this with me! I have built quite a brand and successful presence on other social platforms, however I love steemit for the reason that I feel free to speak my mind and share the stories that have impacted me so that they can impact others. Glad you are doing better, the best thing about rock bottom is there is no where else to go but up, as long as we decide to go up. Take care!
U too
Thank tou for sharing something so personal! Maybe your story will inspire some one else to be a better person! Keep pushing on
Thank you!
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