As It Turns Out

They will tell you all sorts of things. Those that claim friend or family status. They will spew such words as to make you feel as if you are important. They will offer these words. Words is all they will be. Words. Mouth sounds. Auto-pilot manifestations of air passing over tissue forming waves. Nothing more nothing less. Do not worry they say. It will get better they say. We have the power to help you but we won't because we do not actually find you worthy. They do not feel my words. They do not feel my cries for help. They can hear but they do not listen. They can read that which is typed but they cannot act because they are paralyzed by stuff, things, and utter nonsense. Later when you are on the street and have to do things you would rather not do, those very same people will ask why you did not come to them. It is exasperating. It is maddening. I swore I would never let it happen again. I swore that I would fight the darkness that lives inside of me, that lives inside of us all. It is a losing battle and I fight it tooth and nail because I know what it leads to. I have been down that path before. I took what was owed and left the rest. I paid for it. I tried to help someone in need and lies were told so they may avoid the consequences of their actions. I paid for that to, my child paid for that, and I continue to pay for these things to this day. For nearly twenty five years have I paid for the mistakes of belief. The mistakes and there were many.

I swallowed my pride and asked for help. I was berated and treated like dirt. Less than dirt. I have tried to put all of it behind me and I have failed. Failure is what I do. I am the king of failure, the master of all that is fail. I did not know what else to do I was out of options. A spark came and went, it staved off the beast for awhile. In the end it turned out worse than it was before. This is not the first time I have been in danger of losing everything. I thought the last time would be the last time. All the times before where I had actually lost everything except the clothes on my back. It was the same story. Why didn't you come to us. We would have helped you. I did and you didn't. You stared at the news and sipped on your latte and exclaimed someone should do something. It could have been you, you could have been that someone. But it was not you, you refuse to be among the someones who instead of wishing someone else would do something , actually did something.

Why have I switched my posts to power up only? The answer is simple. I do not know where I will be in 6 days. I will most likely not have a roof or an internet connect because the two kind of go together. At least for those of us who cannot afford such luxuries as cell phones. Truth be told I cannot even afford this internet connection. If you had been paying attention I had been paying one shut off notice and alternating. Now I cannot even do that because if things go wrong for long enough eventually you run out of all options.

I tried a crowdfunding thing on here. Out of the 780+ sbd I need to leave where I am and keep our things and to get where I needed to be to stop this 24/7 suffering show that is my life, I got 18.xxx. 18 of 780 or 2.3%. The inverse of that the 97.7% was lost among those that say someone should do something. As a big fan of perspective 2 people or 1% of the people who follow me for whatever reason contributed that 2.3% directly. If these followers had thrown just 4 sbd I would right now be on my way back to where i would not have to deal with these issues and longer. To me that means to most of you I am not worth even 12 dollars worth. That makes me feel wonderful. It is a broader view on the world we live in today. To be a person who acts instead of waiting to see how many others act is to be a good person indeed. Maybe you could not act financially. Maybe you could only resteem their were sixty-five of those. Even though those people could only resteem they still acted in some way and that also makes them awesome! Those that did absolutely nothing I would like to ask why?

I hope I never have to go through this again whenever I finish going through this. I hope none of you have to go through any of this ever. If you ever do and I have made it through this I WILL HELP YOU. You can take those words to the bank.