Cebu was confusing, now it's home

I came to Cebu with a friend who was as clueless as I was. I only brought with me one piece of luggage, P3000 bills that I borrowed from my parents, and my aspirations. I was only 19.

I graduated from a prestigious school, known nationwide to be a school for the rich. I got in through a scholarship that I applied for, just enough to cover my tuition fees but not enough to cover the rest of the other miscellaneous expenses.

It was hard for a middle-class family like mine to have to send their eldest to college while the youngest was in high school. At a very young age, I understood how important money was and how being frugal was the best way to maximize the finances in our home.

I am the eldest of 2 children. I and my sibling are both girls. My dad is the financial provider and my mom maintains our home, as well as manages our finances.

How did I contribute? Aside from the school's work scholarship, I was also a recipient of our local government's scholarship which meant two things - One: I would have to render 3 hours a day at my assigned office as I was a work scholar, and two: I had to maintain a passing grade of at least 85 to maintain my government scholarship. Because of these perks, my parents did not have to pay a dime. I didn't complain at all even if it was hard balancing everything that I was involved in be it curricular or extracurricular.

Fast-forward to after I graduated college with a Bachelor of Arts in Communications degree, I had already decided to move to Cebu City after a month.

I lived in Ozamiz City and I have to say, it's a small yet thriving and bustling environment. We had a few malls, grocery stores, schools, some quaint shops by the side of the streets. However, for a Communications degree holder, there was a limit to the kind of usual jobs you'd get in a small city.

I was never the type to stay if I didn't find meaning in what I planned to do, which made me finally decide to find work somewhere else- and Cebu City? It was far away from where I originally came from but I knew I'd find purpose there. It was an ocean away, a strange place for someone like me who hasn't traveled as far as Cebu.

Did I go immediately? Not yet. I had to plan first. I didn't want to leave my hometown without any sane plan in mind and assurance that I would fare well there. I didn't want to worry my parents.

So when a fellow Communications graduate friend of mine found out that there was a small film productions company in Cebu, she convinced me to go with her and start there.
I thought, "Why not?" If I didn't take any risks, where would I be now, I wonder?

I told my parents eventually about my plans in finding work at Cebu, and expectedly so, they agreed. I often ask myself how they found the strength in their hearts to let me go to a place I've never been to before, a place where I knew no one. And I realized that I was building their trust in me for how many years. I cultivated that same trust so they'd be reassured that whatever I plan to do and wherever I go, their daughter will always be fine.

Before I left, I had to loan P3000 money from them, just barely enough to support me while I'm still looking for work. I promised I'd return it as soon as I get a stable job.
A month after graduation, I voyaged for Cebu, together with a colleague.

It was an overnight trip to Cebu aboard a ship. The travel took about 11 hours at most, and I remember how the night made me think about this big risk - this huge step I'm taking. This was a place that felt unfamiliar and strange, whose people I know nothing about, its places I haven't traveled.

And before I knew it, morning came, and Cebu would become the place I'd find a home in.

When we arrived, we took a taxi first and headed to the apartment we rented and where we will be staying for the meanwhile. All I thought was the money I brought with me and I didn't know how long it was going to last. Will it be enough? We had to pay for the apartment rent, and then transportation, and food. The fear settled in, fear that I didn't feel when I was still planning all these in my head - over at my hometown. Reality sank in deep and I knew the adult world was going to be a rough ride.

After we settled, we then visited the office of the productions company that we were going to apply for. That was when everything hit me in the gut. The officer we were talking to told us they weren't hiring anymore as the company was about to shut down since their actors have migrated to Manila for better opportunities. I was dumbfounded.

We didn't think that far. Now, we had to find a way to survive. It was either we find other ways to continue living here, or do we pack up and end the story there?

I didn't. I didn't want to go home with shattered plans and a battered-up ego. I didn't want to be a disappointment for my parents who worked so hard to get me to where I am now. If there's one thing that kept me going, it was my pride. There was no way I'm going home.

I applied for a customer service role in a BPO company and I got in. Was it easy as the days trailed up to that moment? No.

I didn't eat for a few weeks because I had to use the money that was left for transportation. Sacrifices had to be made. I always told myself that I will never call home and ask them for more allowance. I didn't want to burden them anymore. The P3000 bill they gave me was already a huge amount. It was the biggest amount I've ever held in my life and I didn't want to put them to waste.

The hard days didn't last long. I remember finally getting my first hard-earned salary, and I was finally able to pay my parents back the P3000.

It felt good to have found a new plan in mind after the first one backfired. For a stranger like me who came to Cebu without knowing anything about this place, I think I did well.

Cebu was a strange place for the 19-year-old me. I had to live in an unfamiliar place. I had to acquaint myself with the spots in this environment where I've gone completely lost in - multiple times. I had to meet new people who came in and out of my life. I had to move places from time to time to find comfort. I had to move from one job to another thinking about what I deserved.

It made me think about how I didn't give up and just abandoned everything to go home. If I did, then I wouldn't have moved from being a customer service representative for eBay to becoming a Marketing Assistant for a chain of restaurants company, to becoming a Marketing Liaison Officer for a Cebu-grown Mall, and finally to where I am now.

Along the way, I have never failed in providing for my family who is still living at this very moment in my hometown. I support my younger sister with her education as well as with the materials she needs - being an Architecture student and all. Does she ask me to buy her other stuff like albums and photo cards of her Kpop biases? Yes! She does well in school and I owe that small thing to her as long as it makes her happy.

Looking back now as a 23-year-old working woman who once came to Cebu as a 19-year-old girl, who brought only one piece of luggage, P3000 bills that she borrowed from her parents, and her aspirations. Who came to a place she knew no one of, places unfamiliar, faces of strangers she knew nothing of- I'd say she was brave. And she is me.

Being an adult is something we are always never prepared for because life doesn't come with a manual! It will take us by surprise and leave us hanging most times, even beating us to the ground.

But as someone who got through it and is still pushing through, everything will never make sense if you do not take risks and just go for it. Live through every heartache, every bad day, and every disappointment - then learn, adapt and overcome. Celebrate every small success too! You deserve every win you gain out from losing. It's never the end of your story yet.

If you're going through something confusing and disheartening, I see you and I hear you.

It's okay to be confused. The more you think that your life doesn't have a purpose, the more you think there's more about it that's worth discovering.

You have so much in you that are capable of living the dreams you have. Start anytime, whenever you're ready. You will get there. Eventually.

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