Hello guys! This is my first #celestialchallenge organised by @sirknight. I hope you like it.
LIFE.
Beauty, they say, lies in the eyes of the beholder. I wondered what Bernard saw in me 10years ago when he first told me he loved me. That was the very first time in my 19 years of existence I had heard those words spoken to me. I never had cause to think of myself as beautiful or loveable. I was caught up in the euphoria of those words for weeks, unable to get over it. Me? Love? Could anyone ever love me? No. That's impossible. No one in their right senses ever would. At least that is what I've been told ever since i was born.
Or...could they have been wrong?
The Story of my Life.
I grew up not knowing neither one of my parents. I had always been with an aunt of mine, or rather, my slavemistress. According to the story i was told, my mother died during child birth- my birth. I was a killer even before i was born. Trust me, I was reminded of that everyday of my life. My father? He was the hit-and-run type. Nobody knew him, not even my mother. Talk less of me. At that tender age, I was not just a killer, but also a bastard.
My childhood was in fact, a total disaster. Looking back now, I wonder how I was able to survive those tormentous years. As at the age of six, I was already running errands for the entire family and doing chores you would never imagine seeing a six year old do. I was literally made to work for my 'daily bread'. This was her daily mantra to me "He who does not work, should not eat". Knowing that she got that quote from the scriptures made me hate God the more. If there was a God who loves us as the pastor claims on Sundays, why then would He allow me pass through all these pain? Why would He allow all these evil befall me?
What crime had I ever committed to deserve all these? Well, I guess my only crime was to ever be born. There was a time when all she ever spoke to me were abusive words. I thought all the words in her dictionary were all aimed at abusing me. She and every member of her household had made it a point of duty to always remind me of how ugly and wretched I was looking. Well, who wouldn't say so? Since all of my body was full of scars from her constant beatings. She turns me into her punching bag whenever she's had an argument with her husband.
Whenever I dared look at the mirror, all I saw was the real definition of nothingness and ugliness. Shame could not allow me go out and mingle.
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The day I lost my dignity
On this faithful night of my 12th birthday, the worse I could ever imagine happened to me. My uncle (aunt's husband) came stealthily into my room ( better put, "crucible" because it was everything less of a room) and pounced on me. I struggled and tried all I could to get away from under him but it was all to no avail. As expected, my strength was no match for him. He had his way and got out. I must tell you, I had never felt any pain like that in my entire life. I limped for days cause of the soreness of my private part. I never knew that was the beginning of a new chapter in my life as this became almost a daily routine for him. He came in unto me whenever he deemed fit. I was his sex tool. I couldn't tell anybody about it as he threatened me to keep quiet or else I'll be dead. Oh..how naive I was. After some few months, I became tired of struggling and I resigned to fate as my willpower could no longer help me. At least, according to him, he was doing me a favour by finding pleasure in me because nobody would ever fancy me enough to want to have pleasure with me. This I believed for years.
I was held up within the walls of my mind. There were times I wish I could just die. What need was there to live when I knew nobody could ever love me? What was I living for when no beauty was found in me? I wanted to end my misery. I wanted to free myself from the bondage of living. All I could think of was to end my life. But something happened.
Liberation
On this faithful day, I decided to visit the church and pour out all my anger to God before I finally end my life and all the miseries in it. I sat down but words couldn't just come. I trembled and knelt. All I could say was "show me yourself father! Show me who you really are!!". All these I was saying not knowing there was a young gentle man at my back. After pouring out all my rage, he came to me. In the most quiet tone I had ever heard, he said the words "I LOVE YOU". I was shocked! The rage within me increased exponentially. I opened my mouth but words wouldn't come out. When I finally found my voice to speak, I screamed out at him " how could you say you love me when you don't even know me? Why would you even love someone like me? I have nothing to offer you. I'm nothing you'd ever want!".. and I took the nearest exit and ran back home. I could no longer bring myself to carry out the decision I had earlier made to end my life. The words he spoke to me kept ringing in my mind.
For more than a month, he kept coming and repeating those same words. He told me he didn't want anything from me, but to receive his love. He said I should forget about my past because to him, my past doesn't exist. He told me I was freed from my past but the only thing remaining was for me to free myself from the bondage of my mind. He offered me a new life free from abuse. His persistency and sincerity made me believe in him. I got to find out he had been watching me for a while without my notice. He helped me study God's word from a new perspective and I found out all that was written about me there. I had to let go of my past and embrace the future. His love freed me from my past!
To young ladies out there
To as many out there who have been abused physically or mentally, don't give up yet. There's still light at the end of the tunnel. Pick up the remaining pieces of your life and put yourself together. You're far better than you've been labelled. There's raw gold in you that needs to be refined. Develop on yourself and unleash the beauty within! Embrace the love of the Father and leave that abusive relationship right now. The chains have been broken!
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Sad story.. I really cant relate to it. Thnks for sharing
You are welcome
Thanks for sharing and being a source of inspiration
You're welcome.