Best joke gets the big vote.
Tell me a joke.
6 years ago in #comedy by sirvotesalot (68)
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Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’
😂😂😂😂😂
And then what happened? I heard this joke many times and it always leaves me confused... Did the Genie bring back the two people who wished they were off the island? but was that "my friends" or was the third man thinking of Pedro de la Sansa, a childhood friend of his who used to galavant around the countryside until one fateful day Jorge (the third man in the wish, he needs a name too seems unfair the only one is Pedro the friend who as we continue with the story, we will find out he is gay [FUCK, I ruined it, it's ok I'll think of a new @punchline]) decided he need to go on a voyage and see the world and all his Treasures. At the same time he did this Emmanuel and Gustav (yes, he's french lay off him, not his fault his mother enjoy croissants) decided to also discover the mysteries of the world.
Everything was going well on the voyage until...
Really? I think what really happened was that the genie heard this poor schmuck's plea and then held his hand while explaining that they weren't true friends.
"What real friend would just bugger off without even a mention or a goodbye? You're far better off without those losers." Said the genie.
"But they're the only friends I've known for the last seven years of my life. They were my everything. What will I do without them?"
"Well, I can think of a few things that only need you and I here. " Purred the genie into his ear, as his strong, blue hands slid over the shoulders and down his muscular back. As the memory of his previous island mates faded away, he melted into his new life.
And they lived happily ever after.
the genie offered them a threesome?
Why do people avoid telling Germans long stories? because the last time they concentrated it didn't go well.
an old irishman shuffles into a bar at sundown with his eyes low and his head down the bartender says "ay, billy! whats the matter. you seem troubled" billy responds with "you see this bar we're standing in. I built it with me own hands! but they don't call me the bar builder, no!
and the bridge everyone uses to cross the river to get to the market, i built that that with me own hands too! but do the call me the bridge builder? no, they do not.
and the wall that protects our city, i built that with me own hands too! and they don't call me the wall builder neither.
BUT YOU FUCK ONE GOAT!...
Haha, that is beautiful.
Teacher asks her students to name medicines they know and state their uses.
Little Susan stands and says, "PANADOL"
Teacher: Used for?
Susan: I think headache
Teacher: Good
Musa: PIRITON
Teacher: used for?
Musa: Helps in sleeping..
Teacher: Excellent!!
Little Johnny (stands confidently): VIAGRA
Teacher (nearly falls off her chair, shocked): What for???
Johny: I think Diarrhea
Teacher: Who told you that?
Johnny: Everynight my mom tells Dad, "Take two VIAGRA Pills and maybe that little Shit will get harder tonight!
Teacher collapsed!!😂😂😂😂😂
There are two guys sitting in a bar
Guy1: I heared that your wife died, what happend to her?
Guy2: Went to pick some potatoes from basement to make dinner, and fall from stairs
Guy1: i'm so sorry, but what are you going to do now?
Guy2: Dunno, maby noodles or rice
Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Hahaha, you got me on that one.
This is the funniest joke I know. I've been telling it for over 20 years and I still laugh every time I do because it is still hilarious! It always makes people laugh.
A man is walking down the street next to a tall wooden fence. He hears what sounds like a large group of people on the other side excitedly chanting 'fourteen!, fourteen!, fourteen!'. He sees a small hole in the fence and looks through to see what is going on. A finger comes through the hole and pokes him in the eye as the people on the other side of the fence begin chanting 'fifteen!, fifteen!, fifteen!'.
A linguistics professor says during a lecture: “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
And continues further - "However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”
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Immediately, a voice from the back of the room goes, “Yeah, right.”
There is a passenge flight above the atlantic and the pilot finds out they are gona crash and all die nothing anybody can do to prevent it.
So he sends the stewardess to keep people calm till the end.she walks out a smile on her face
-Goodevening ladies and gentlemen we are gonna have a slight delay so I came up with with a game fo everyone to pass our time quicker.
Please take out your passports.
People look at her what the hell but hey nothing else to do so why not.
They take out their passports
Stewardess looks at them with a even bigger smile
People look at her what the hell but hey nothing else to do so why not.
They start waving them around.
Stewardess looks at them with a even bigger smile
People look at her what the hell but hey nothing else to do so why not.
They start to roll them up.
The stewardess looks around with a angelic look on her face
-and now please stand up pull down your pants and stick them up your ass so they can identify the boddies!
Imagine dating someone that doesnt take the L an R one earphone seriously..lol
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
A man walking down the streets sees another man with a very big dog. One man says
to the other, "Does your dog bite", the man replies!"No my dog doesn't"The man pats the dog
and has his hand bitten off, "I thoughtyou said your dog didn't bite" said the injured man.
"Thats not my dog", replied the other.
I once met a woman at a busstop. She was good looking and I was a bit aroused. So I asked her:"Would you have sex with me for 1 million $?" And she looked at me and finally answered: "Well sure for 1 million$!" I saw my chance and replied:"Would you also have sex with me for 10$?" She got really upset and said:"What the hell do you think I am???" So I told her: "We already identified WHAT you are, now we are only talking about the price!" 😏
Johnny was having trouble in math, so his parents sent him to catholic private school. On the first day he came rushing back home and started working furiously on his math. He did the same after supper. His mother was impressed and commented to him, "Wow, Johnny, you're really working hard " Johnny lookedup and said,"Well, when I went in there and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I just knew they were'nt messing around.
Sleep with an open window tonight!
1400 mosquitos like that. 420 mosquitos commented on it. 210 mosquitos shared this.
One mosquito invited for the event. 2800 mosquitos will be attending the event.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
want to see something funny?
look in your pants
When people walk away from your life, call them back…and give them transport fare to make it faster.
The best laugh one can get is when @sirvotesalot @ned @sirknight @phareism @hr1 @dan @donkeypong @ausbitbank and @thealliance members all voted a minnow post 100%. This kind of joke will last you for 2 months, one will keep on laughing non-stop when one sees the wallet
lol. who got that?
post a very remarkable i'm very happy to see his friends. friend help me if a time
How do you fit 1000 jews into a volkswagen beetle?
The ashtray.
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it?
Trump walks into a bar and is ordered by a white russian
What's the difference between a failing black student and a failing white student? A black student gets an F, a failing white student gets an A.......... R-15
I walked into a bar the other day, there was a horse at the end of the bar crying. I asked the bartender what was going on, and he told me that if I could make the horse laugh, he'd serve me free drinks all day, and give me $100.00.
So, me being one to take on any challenge, I walked over to the horse and whispered in its ear. The horse stopped crying and started laughing. So I drank all day and got a $100.00.
A few days later I went back to the same bar, and the horse was there, and still laughing. The bartender told me he'd give me another $100.00 if I could make the horse stop laughing. I told him I would, but I'd have to take the horse outside for a minute. He said it would be fine, as long as I could get the horse to stop laughing.
I took the horse outside, and in a minute brought him back in. He was crying again, big horse tears running down his face.
The bartender gave me $100.00, and said, Okay, how did you make the horse laugh, and then make it cry again?
Well says I, to make him laugh, I told him my dick was bigger than his. To make him cry, I took him outside and showed him!