I have such a commitment issue when it comes to doing stuff to. Even things I don't Have to do, if it becomes routine I struggle. Years ago when I first moved to SD I started to a Monday night Drunk Poets society at this local bar, and it was just to get myself out to read for my first time. Literally a 5 minute walk and and hour and half of having drinks and reading poetry and by the third week I started to feel like a chore haha. To go and drink and read poetry hahah. So I totally get it. i'm surprised I made it this far in this, but I've been so depressed that i just have this as like my one thing to do as a very simple, can't fail because its not being judged outside of the doing, maybe 25 minutes tops plus some extra reading, mini solid lifeboat in my weird wobbly day to day lol. And yeah some days my brain has nothing cool to say, like its just blank , which is a weird feeling for me too. And don't worry, your bad attitude didnt rub off on me ;)
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Aw, I'm sorry to hear you're going through so much, and I'm here to talk if you need a sympathetic ear (as cliched as that sounds). I figured based on what you've been writing that it's been a hard time for you. I actually have an easier time doing stuff like this when I'm depressed too, as counter-intuitive as that sounds. I can dedicate myself to a project because it helps drown out the noise and makes me feel like, maybe I feel awful inside, but at least I have tangible accomplishments. It's generally unsustainable though. :/
Yeah, it isn't sustainable, something has to change. It's been a very long few years, lots of crap, so need to shake it off. I'm on my way to Bali today for a month to cry in the temples and write for a video game project, and my bf will be moving out while I'm gone. I can already feel a huge weight . I don't think its cliche to offer to chat to someone you empathize with, and i may take you up on it, It's always nice to know. And Same with @freewritehouse... If I wasn't leaving I might take you up on chicken therapy lol
Hugs to you. Do you want some chicken therapy? I have cute little baby chicks to watch :)