Now I'm Confused (Novel Anxiety x Covid-19 x Flu)

in #coronavirus4 years ago

Did I just got it?

I just caught a cold three days ago. I had to go out during lock-down in the middle of the night to get some cigarettes (I wasn't able to sleep and had some work to get done)
Anyways, I didn't know it got really cold outside so yeah, I caught a cold.


First of all, if you don't know already. I suffer from severe anxiety and panic disorder (I'm sick of saying it in every post lol)
When this whole thing started, obviously, I started to panic like hell for the first few days, God it was awful!
But, I managed to handle it with the help of my precious calming little blue pills, and some rational thinking. Staying away from the news and so on.


So, what happened exactly to me three days ago, I was just chilling on my bed making some music, all of a sudden I couldn't catch my breath! (You're just anxious, you're fine just calm down) I said to myself. But, unfortunately I figured out that my shortness of breath wasn't related to my anxiety, and I when noticed that, BOOM a panic attack just fired up! Great! Just what I needed now lol...
It kept getting worse and worse and I'm just walking around in my room thinking to myself (It's just a panic attack, it'll pass, give it 10 to 15 minutes and you'll be fine) And that didn't work, it lasted for half an hour or more, I was like okay that's it, I can't take it no more and I have to take a high dose, and I did. I waited for it to work until it did.
Good news is, my rapid heart beat slowed down, I wasn't panicking no more, I just got a bit dizzy and started to hallucinate because of the high dose.
Bad news: I noticed that I still couldn't catch my breath (At this moment I swear was so high that I went like: oh I'm gonna die, that'd be fun)
Well, I can't really remember what happened next but I fell asleep.


The next morning, woke up and my heart was beating so fucking fast for no reason (Maybe low or high blood pressure I don't know)
I felt that my nose is blocked so I went out and got nasal drops, I used it and life went back to my nose again... Then after a few minutes, I felt a bit of burning in my throat, I was about to freak out again but I handled it and took a pain killer to relief the pain. It's just a cold, I thought to myself.
What is really worrying me though is my shortness of breath and my rapid heart beat.
I called a doctor whose a friend of mine, she asked If I had fever and I said no, so she said it's just a cold so don't worry (Thing is, anxiety sometimes causes high temperature so, I was confused) and she told me that my heart beat is most likely caused by the panic attack I had yesterday, and my shortness of breath is caused by a chest inflammation which is also caused by my heavy smoking and me having a cold mixed together (Makes sense)
I called my aunt which is also a doctor, she told me that my heart beat and short breath is because I'm anxious (I got more confused, fuck this I'm gonna get my calming pills)
The pharmacist noticed that I wasn't looking so good, so I told him, so he said to me that if there's no fever and no dry coughing then I shouldn't be worried. Hmm, that's a relief.


Today, I woke up and my nose and throat started to feel a bit better. But, my heart was still beating so fast and it becomes harder to breathe as the day goes on. I was about to have another panic attack and believe or not, I was so tired that I couldn't even focus on my anxious thoughts.
Once again, I took my pills, and I was to breathe normally again, so yeah, it was my anxiety that caused the short breath. But, my heart was still beating so fast. I did some breathing exercises to calm down my heart beat a little bit and it worked, just for a few minutes though!


I decided to not think about it and just make some music and whatever happens, happens. I just wanted steer clear from being worried and afraid, because fear is my worst fear.
I started to cough, but not a dry cough, there was mucus so, I wasn't worried about it.
I began to cough continually, until it turned into a dry cough. Oh shit, there we go!
I freaked out, started to sweat and panic, coughing and losing my breath again.
Then, in the middle of a mental crisis, I noticed that my cough was mixed, I mean, it was a dry cough then a cough with mucus.
I also started to realize that every goddamn time I catch a cold or a flu, I feel the same way! Same symptoms, only difference this time that I was losing my breath.
And about my rapid heart beat, painkillers always makes my heart beats fast... And now I'm breathing just fine!


Don't get me wrong!

I'm not assuming that this Covid-19 virus doesn't exist. No, I'm just sharing my experience and questioning things... I might have it, who knows?
But, there's a lot of mixed up shit out there and a lack of evidence and lack of truth which really makes you think...

I mean, 2 weeks ago my mom's friend showed all the symptoms of Covid-19, she stayed in her bed and started to feel worse and worse, she went to THREE different major national hospitals in my country, and to my surprise, none of them decided to quarantine her or even test her! Something doesn't add up...

Anyways, yesterday I got the news that she is doing just fine now and she's symptom-free, thank God! :)


Until we know the truth (Which might not happen) for now we should just do what we can to stay safe.

Stay Home, Stay Calm.

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