I work to dismantle patriarchy
because patriarchy hurts me and my friends, too.
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Such read the bumper sticker of a good male friend of mine. He had caught on to something that even gave me, a woman who has studied patriarchy and been a part of feminism, ah Aha moment! For patriarchy does not just hurt women and children, it hurts men, too.
If men are benefitting from this, how can it hurt them too?
First off, let me answer the second question in this #ecotrain Question of the Week, Is patriarchy more than a society led by men? One may think that in the hierarchical societal structures, those “on top” or “in charge” would benefit the most, but what if that very system is damaging to them too?
I wholeheartedly believe this is so and here’s why.
Patriarchy is not only a ten thousand+ year old human hierarchy where male bodied people rule in the society and home, it is a set of beliefs and principles concerning Value and Worth. It prizes strength over vulnerability, thinking over feeling, order over chaos, rigidity over fluidity, knowing over curiosity, dominance over cooperation, force over consent, etc. In and of themselves these traits are not bad, but, as we see in our world, they become violent and oppressive when not balanced.
We can look at this like the yin (feminine) and yang (masculine) principles. Yin is yielding where yang is active. Action, movement, choice, decision is needed in the world in order to manifest anything. The part that patriarchy, which overvalues these traits, has left off is the abundant wellspring from which these come forth. What I mean is that, in a world where Doing, Activity, Certainty etc has taken center stage, it leaves no room for the other aspects of ourselves and it is these very aspects that Feed the actions. Without Feeling, Curiosity, Nurturance, Fluidity, Dreaming and Space -- Activity, Control, Thinking are empty, lost and leading toward destruction. This is how Patriarchy, as a set of Values leaning out of balance in one direction, is destroying the world.
Patriarchy feels like a super big subject to write about and honestly I’m having trouble putting my finger on it and I feel that it’s difficult to pin down, encapsulate, even articulate.
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As Ani DiFranco sings about patriarchy,
It’s as easy as breathing to participate.
What this tells us is that Patriarchy is the Way Things Are; it is the backdrop to our lives and no one questions the backdrop. Of course, I say this growing up in the West, but I’m guessing that wherever you are from in the world has also been effected by Patriarchy.
Okay so you may be saying, I’m still not clear on why it hurts men, too.
This is the crux of the problem. Men appear to be in charge in patriarchy, but really they are also being ruled and ruined by it. This is because the set of operating procedures is broken. Their essential humanness is being robbed from them when all of us are told to value masculine characteristics over the feminine. Without balancing the feminine and masculine aspects of being, we are all broken and damaged. Patriarchy not only is imbalanced, it in fact is violent toward and vilifies the feminine.
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We see this is in the way women are treated the world round. Our bodies have been treated like property and we still see this as Republican lawmakers in the United States believe they get to decide what goes on in a woman’s womb. Viagra and other masculine-supporting drugs are supported by insurance, but oftentimes birth control, abortion (even after rape) and menstrual products are not. Menstrual supplies are in fact highly bleached commercial products made from companies ruled by men that are damaging to the women’s system. The majority of women have male doctors help them during birth and many women have difficulties with their wombs resulting in reproductive issues at endemic proportions. This is all connected.
A Father, in fact, still “gives away” his daughter at her wedding ceremony. You may say, but that’s just a symbol. I disagree, I think it is The Way Things Still Are. A Father does not own his daughter or have the right to give her away.
The Bible takes this a step further and tells men to Lord over their wives and furthermore tells women to submit to their husbands as they would to God. The Church and other leading religions of this day and age and their texts, mores and values are simply a symptom of the larger Patriarchal air that we all breathe.
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Okay so this is about what Patriarchy is, now we can address this aspect:
Is it more a society led by fear and a feeling of scarcity?
I will start this section off briefly paraphrasing a myth I heard once.
When the world was created, women were the ones naturally in charge. They had the powers of creation, after all, and everything came from their bodies. They were revered. The men were valuable, of course, but women carried the great Mystery in their wombs and this set them apart and caused natural wonder at the miracle of life that moved through them.
One night the women were sitting around a fire. They started talking about the men and, wanting to boost them, decided to share some of the leadership with them. They realized that the men would never know the powers of creation in the same way, so why not give them a semblance of power and let them lead the societies? This was within their power to do as the women had been understood to be the natural leaders.
After the men were given leadership by the women so long ago, they knew that they could never have the powers of creation flowing through them. They knew that they couldn’t give birth so they generated Creation stories where the Male gives birth to all things. They abused the leadership and subjugated the very ones who they once revered. They took their physical strength and used it to dominate and create a system of control in which they could secure power.
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Built on this premise, there is the feeling of lack and the resulting overcompensation to be overly dominant. To suppress the feeling aspect of themselves and to regain “control”, they dominate the ones who are stereotypically more feminine & feeling-oriented.
The last thing I want to do is pit men and women against one another through my writing. This myth to me hits on something that I believe is at the core of the system of Patriarchy: whenever there is a “top” to be at (in a hierarchy), there’s always a place to fall from. Whenever there is a vying for power, someone will be subjugated. In this model, there is a scarcity of power and a fear of losing it. Whenever these are motivators, we will see people do whatever it takes to keep their position. It then becomes a battle in the oppressor's mind, no matter how unconscious or ingrained it has become.
It is not my goal to cause more separation in bringing these patterns to light. However, there is also in me the feeling of the vigilante and the powerful voice within that knows it is time to change. In many ways, this imbalance points to other injustices and equalities in our human systems. There is a powerful meme I found relating to White Supremacy and I think it is analogous here.
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Just like people of color cannot dismantle the systems of oppression alone that have been held up by white patriarchal culture, it will take all of us to dismantle patriarchy and I wholeheartedly believe it's in all of our best interest to do so.
When it comes down to it, men benefit in the outer systemic power structures in our cultures due to Patriarchy. Patriarchy is not only the “rule of men”, but also of masculine-leaning principles that are violent toward men themselves. As hit on earlier, these imbalanced masculine principles are the same that tell men not to cry, to be cut off from their emotional aspects, to make fun of & delegitimize feelings. This creates humans who are out of balance and, from that place, are creating great destruction.
This hatred and suppression of these characterizes, which are dubbed as feminine and which the female symbolizes, causes woman herself to be suppressed, violated, hated and pushed down. Patriarchy is the valuation of the male form, thought, and ways of being. Women, then, and “the feminine” are encouraged to play their role within the patriarchy which is a limited and suffocating and minimizing role.
Within this system, it is the masculine characteristics that are dominant and we have learned that in order to succeed, we must take on these characteristics. The resulting lack of rest, nourishment, and listening to the body is par for the course. In our cultures, I believe there is a resurgence happening that is balancing these longstanding unhealthy patterns.
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In following articles we’ll address matriarchy and thoughts on healing and shifting this dominant paradigm that hurts all of us. As a feminist, I believe in equality and recognizing the strengths and inherent worth in each being. There is a feminine voice that is rising up in each of us, asking to be heard. In fact, as the earth has been treated so poorly by humans to the point of being on the verge of systemic collapse because of our actions, it is absolutely time incorporate the feminine values into our beings, families, places of work, worship, leadership, and indeed our entire world.
This week the passengers of the #ecotrain wrote on this entrenched and complex topic. At times I found it very difficult to articulate my thoughts on this subject and indeed it takes many different points of view to do it justice. @eco-alex has compiled all of our reflections into an article. Please hop on over and read the other posts.
If you found my reflections challenging or you want to add different points of view- feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments and I’ll do my best to respond to each of them. Women who have felt the negative effects of patriarchy our entire lives may have differing reactions to this from denial, to rebuttal, to anger and sadness or confusion. Men may think this article is an attack or may find themselves just opening up to these viewpoints for the first time. It’s a common thought that feminists are “against men” and I hope this article reaches deep enough to shed light on the fact that feminists (men and women) speak out against this unjust system that hurts all of us.
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts on #patriarchy and how it does not equal all men. I believe dismantling this power structure starts with an awareness of what it really means to live in a patriarchy and who it is effecting. It does effect all of us !
Last year I spent 3 months living on women owned land. A place located in New Mexico that boasts 1000 acres of undeveloped wilderness. A safe place for women (lesbian, queer and straight) to come and experience life and homesteading with out the rule of hierarchy and patriarchal control. This was the closest lifestyle that I have experienced that reflects my natural rhythm, cycles and creative flow. Every woman was welcomed to contribute in her own way and the biggest lesson I learned was:
There are as many ways to complete a task as there are women.
I would adapt this statement to include all humans. (There are as many ways to complete a task as there are humans.)
I often wonder, what would it be like if we all had permission to live within our own flow? To respect each other in our own radical self expression. How can we continue to share our gifts while dismantling limiting beliefs that the patriarchy has spoon feed us from birth.
Also, I am not claiming that we need to separate genders as I identify as gender queer. I am interested in this conversation because I dream of living and contributing in a world where we can all be seen as equal, where all of our basic needs are met. Where we all become accountable and responsible for our actions and how we impact life on this planet that we all share. Thanks again @mountainjewel ✌️
Ooooh your response is so good and could be a theme for a righteous post in and of itself!! Thanks for sharing here. I’m so glad we’re connected here.
Wholeheartedly. Agree.
Where was this land you speak of? I’ve longed to visit a place like that to experience the freedom in my bones. I lived a while in New Mex and loved the freedom in the air <3
wow! You've picked a challenging topic. I love when you read something that fires up your brain. Excellent post!
This I agree with fully.
We debate this often at our house, and I am still working out what I really think and feel about it. As a mother of a son, a wife, a woman ... it's really profound.
thank you for reading! it really was a challenging topic. i think a lot about this, but i haven't tried to write my thoughts down in a succinct manner before and it was a challenge :) i'd love to hear your thoughts on it! if you are inspired to write a post, feel free to tag ecotrain and link to the question of the week post :)
I am sure your answer is complex as a mother, wife and woman in the world!! <3
Thanks for the great post. Like you have indicated Patriarchy finds it's roots in ancient, primal survival instincts. The bottom line is this: men were stronger physically. Through the process of evolution, augmented by healthy doses of testosterone, men were the aggressors, the ones to explore, hunt, war...behaviors all rooted in survival instinct. Boy babies were more highly valued than girls, simply because they could fight, kill, hunt, protect. Of course the role of the female was as important to survival too, however in those primitive bands of humans there would be no births, no mothers, no secure caves or lodgings without men. So nature itself insured men dominated. This dominance and value system has stayed in place over the ages, until recently. It appears now is the time to find balance within each of ourselves. For men this may include welcoming their feminine aspects, for women their males aspects. Certainly in a larger context, the entire male dominated world culture where war, dominance, aggression, destruction, etc., prevails, must be balanced or we will destroy ourselves. The only answer is for each of us to turn within, to become more mindful, to find balance. May I add too, that women certainly have reason to be angry, who wouldn't be? However, it seems to me, that moving beyond anger to a greater mindfulness, a greater understanding of our deepest roots and our potential to become other than what we have been thus far will be more productive and stimulative to change. Perhaps the higher octave of the feminine energy: love, is what we need now. Well...there is no "perhaps" at all. "Love is all we need" and from that fountain we gain understanding and the courage to change. We're all in this together. A new strategy for survival must come forth. This time it must be based in love. RESTEEMED.
Thanks @mistermercury for your thoughtful reply! I completely agree with the above statement and really, for a balanced person seeking truth and goodness, perhaps the question of patriarchy doesn't take center stage, but many people don't want to "do their work" and they need a little help understanding.
I totally agree the end point is love! However, speaking as a woman who as at times been ferociously angry at the systemic and longstanding oppression of my gender, sometimes that love comes after (or within) the purifying and clarifying fire of anger and after the washing nature of tears. It's difficult to jump immediately to the love part, I feel, though ultimately i believe the anger and sadness come from a place of love. The love of equality and truth. Yes, we are all in this together. I appreciate you taking the time to comment!! Thank you for the resteem.
Dang! and here I was thinking you walk on water. Yeah, it's easy to say, "All we need is love", but not so easy to do. Humans! What shall we do? There has to be a solution to our insane lust for war, dominance and power. Perhaps, and I'm reluctant to say it, but just perhaps, the wheel shall turn and we will destroy most of humanity. Maybe those that remain will find the will to do better.
nice, very good
your post is really interesting @mountainjewel
Now i see why u took so long to write this. wOW this is a golden post!! Where do i start!? Im about to hop on a plane so i want to read this again slowly and comment properly later, but really wanted to acknowledge this super awesome post right away! Thank you!!!
thank you @eco-alex, i really wanted to "do the subject justice" to the best of my ability. it is such a complex thing and i am soooo grateful that we all wrote about this together as all of the posts were so valuable and touched on different parts. it's such an important topic to raise awareness on! <3 much love to you and safe travels!! look forward to hearing your thoughts when you get a chance to read it.
Great post @mountainjewel. Yeah, if you really think about it, the biggest patriarch role is set away for the 'god' himself. I mean, we hear Christians everywhere say that they believe god to be neither male nor female, but I think we all know that most 'believers' especially male, believe this to be a male energy. It's all about control. And you're right, it hurts us all, not just women but also men, because they are ripped out of their natural being as much as we are. I think us women are even ahead of these awakenings, since we've come a long way and 'know' better, while most men are still playing the role of 'the stronger gender' etc. etc. It is easier to find women in touch with their true self than men. Thank you for this and your perspective on this subject. It was a hard one.
Nice blog
I have finally gotten to reading your article about our question of the week. It was a wonderful read. Made with so much dedication to explaining it properly without hurting anyones feelings, the way you see it. I feel you have a very clear view on it from the interpersonal point of view and it helps me give my lingering thoughts a place. So thank you.
So glad you enjoyed the article. It can be tough to highlight issues such as patriarchy without stepping on toes. It's so nice to have lingering thoughts find their place ;). Your appreciation is so well received, thank you.
You very welcome. And I was thinking last night that the root to the white supremacy problem is actually the same one: over-appreciation of masculine qualities. I feel that black people have more feminine qualities in general then white people. I know this is maybe a dangerous thing to say, but it is not a judgement of value that I'm making here. It's just my observation.