I have never hesitated to talk about my mental health. I have found that talking about my alcoholism, depression gives me some control and power over these ailments. And it makes me look human. Of course it is. I think
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But I mostly avoid talking about or remembering a boy named Nicholas. He was red, ugly, freckled, and mostly below average. And skinny, my god, he was skinny.
He always felt that Nicholas was unworthy, unloved and unloved. Also he felt that even his friends were rejecting him. And this boy, the boy I don't want to remember, horribly reappeared in my head and caused me endless problems. Memories of rejection and stupidity come back. And then there is the ever-present fear. All the problems I thought were solved.
Hmm... apparently not.
I don't know why you came back. Maybe it was because my boss told me three days ago that I didn't need it anymore for a project I'd been working on for 18 months, and that it was irreplaceable.
It makes sense that my childhood feelings of being rejected, stupid, bullied, unloved, ugly, inadequate, and scared would reappear. An intelligent man, he still has freckles, but he has mostly gray hair, so you can usually ignore them. I already have 2 kids and don't worry about the 3rd one.As an adult I know he's cute. The usual. Once in a while. The usual. But when childhood memories rise to the surface, the adult self is forgotten. They told me they couldn't live without me, but it was heartbreaking to know that I wasn't wanted. Somehow, memories of rejection surfaced alongside my bruised ego, and I lost my adult self in the memory of my childhood mistakes. Who can love this unloved person? And after nearly 12 years of sobriety, I was adamant against using alcohol to numb myself.
Luckily I didn't resort to bottles.
Unfortunately, I wasn't on my meds, which brought back memories and all sorts of broken emotions. Most of it was put aside for years. I'm not good at feeling it, so I started drinking alcohol in the first place.
i like hearing loss
But you have to feel the emotion.
When you feel them, you are never deaf. As a counselor, I am a big advocate of feeling emotions. I don't like to feel as an individual who needs to feel. Here I sense something that should have been addressed years ago, but seems not to have been addressed.
My heart shattered into countless tiny pieces. Even my body shut down. At some point, I couldn't remember how to use my bladder. I'm having a hard time typing WhatsApp messages. Food that tastes like cardboard. I had no choice but to sleep, but the swirling sensation made it impossible.
Luckily, my doctor understood that all I needed was sleep. And to make me feel a little numb again, he gave me pharmacological help that did no more harm.
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