Good evening ladies and gentlemen of the steemit block chain and welcome to the 24th episode of your favourite show, "Saturday Night with Zizy". Last week the show couldn't hold because of the Hardfork 20. I'm glad it's all fixed and here we again.
Before we start, permit me to appreciate @Korexe, @one-person, @cool08, @sciencetech, @joeyarnoldvn, @eurogee, desmoniac, @shemzy, @celebritygist, @preciousimo, @adore-eu, @mizdais, and all who kept a date with me on airhawk discord server. Thank you so much guys for your love and support. Without you there would be show.
DJ play the music in jenifa's voice...lol
RELATIONSHIP TALK WITH ZIZY
Relationship consists of two people coming together, putting their difference aside and trying to work together for a common goal. Sometimes the difference don't get set aside as fights and disagreements becomes inevitable. This is because as partners, you spend a lot of time together and your lives have become somewhat intertwined. The issues can be very insignificant problems or big ranging from sleeping with or without light to who does the chores etc.
No relationship is a bed of roses and that couples fight does not mean that your relationship will definitely crash. Successful couples are couples who have learned to manage these issues and keep their love life going. If you never fight and talk about your problems, you will never solve them. Learning how to walk through the issues in your relationship helps you build a stronger relationship or perhaps understand that it is heading nowhere.
Common relationship issues includes but not limited to;
Communication. Lack of communication has been an old aged problem in relationships. No communication or ineffective communication causes tension and conflict in relationships.
Sex. Intercourse is more than just physical attraction. It bonds couples to each other but there are times when one is willing and the other isn't or one partner is not willing to explore or be adventurous. It leaves the other partner unhappy and unsatisfied.
Money. This issue starts even before the marriage. Some couples ain't honest about their financial situation. One may be deep in debt and have the other paying debts he or she never incurred or perhaps one partner is extravagant. Money issue if not well handled, pushes the relationship to the edge.
Chores: who does what chores is another reason for conflicts in relationships. In Nigeria, men believe that a woman is supposed to do all the chores and are not willing to help out. Helping out your partner makes things easier for both of you. Letting your partner do all the chores may leave her grumpy and irritated even if she doesn't shout it out.
Neglect of your partner: In this global world where people get very busy with looking for ways to earn either online or offline, sometimes our partners gets neglected.
Issues abound, there are a whole lot of them. The reason why these conflicts end up destroying some relationships is because we do not have an idea on how to manage these issues.
CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN RELATIONSHIP
Communicate. This is the time to be direct and spell it out how it is. State what is bothering you. Put the phones aside and any form of distractions and find a perfect time to talk about these problems. Remember the goal is to get a good rapport going. If your partner is trying to communicate do not be evasive or try to switch topics. You are only making matters worse because it will leave your partner clueless on how to tackle the issue and the hatchet may never be buried.
Don't Yell. You are angry and at that moment all you want to do is raise your voice. If you cannot communicate without yelling then choose a public location to sit and talk about these issues. You don't want to embarrass yourself by screaming at your partner in public.
Listen. Listening is an attribute many do not have especially when they are angry. Interrupting someone when speaking is rude let alone an angry partner. Allow your partner finish whatever he or she has to say. Don't go assuming you know what they are thinking. Give them the chance to express themselves and you may find out that you are wrong. Make eye contact, nod and say words that would make them feel heard.
Don't blame. Remember it is not time for finger pointing rather it is time for solution finding. when you criticize your partner they get defensive. Do not generalize using the phrases, "you are always" or "you never", it will make them to start to generate counter examples for what you are accusing them of. Let your partner know how you feel without blames. Learn to use the word "I" instead of "You"
Watch your words and actions. When one is angry, one is tempted to make the other person feel as much pain as he or she is feeling by saying things that would make the partner feel bad. This doesn't solve the problems in anyway. If the urge comes, take a deep breath and count or pace around but think about what you are about to say and see how much help or damage it may cause. Do not show contempt for your partner. Avoid sarcasm, name calling, rolling of eyes and making funny faces. It is extremely disrespectful and implies that you are disgusted with your partner. This will surely add more fuel to the fire.
Apologize. I once wrote something on saying I am sorry. These words are so simple yet so hard. Saying them doesn't mean you are a weakling or you have accepted being guilty. It simply means you cherish your relationship more than your pride. Say it and mean it without the word "but". Ask what you can do to make it right.
One issue at a time. Women have the tendency of dragging multiple issues into one discussion. It is very common for them to turn a fight about one topic into a complaining session. The more complaints you raise, the less likely it is that any will actually get discussed or resolved.
Once the conflict is being resolved, it is wise to make plans on how to avoid such conflict rearing it's ugly head. It is important to keep your promises and try to reach a compromise. If intimacy is the issue, a weekend getaway is good an idea. Practice physical contacts like holding of hands, kissing, hugging etc, it is important in maintaining positive relationship. If your partner feels choked, give each other space. A time apart helps the relationship stay healthy, don't forget you had a life before. Maintain your friendship with others and find other interests that will keep you busy so you won't be too demanding of your partner's time.
After all and said and done and it is not making any headway, a couple's therapy is recommended.
DATING TIPS
Disconnect, step away from the laptop during quality time. Everything on the laptop will still be there later.
FUN CORNER
Someone ever broke your heart and still calls from time to time to check your healing process? Those are the real demons, if you know you know....lol
DEAR ZIZY
Anonymous 1
Dear Zizy, please help me with this issue. Last weekend I got into Lagos and my ex-girlfriend came to lodge with me for two days. We had sex and so much fun. The thing is she is in a relationship with another guy but after the time spent together she says we should make up and get back together that she still loves me. I still love her too and I've not dated again since the break up which was a year ago but my fear is that distance which was the reason for our break up before is still a factor because I'm based in Abuja. Do you think i should get back with her?
RESPONSE FROM ANONYMOUS ON EPISODE 22.
Dear Zizy, I want to say thank you for featuring my issue on your show. I listened to the advise given and I told my wife everything about my life. She was heartbroken and cried for days. She even stopped talking to me and I feared she would leave me but after some days, she finally told me how she felt about it. I told her of the plans to leave the country and she's been supportive although we still have some feud but I understand, It's not easy to forgive and forget. Problem now is they have called me for another execution job. Should I tell her or do it without letting her know? Not doing the job is not an option. Please help.
CONCLUSION
If you love this show and want to support, your SBDs and Steem are very welcomed. Supporters so far are @eurogee, @amec, @samminator @samest, @smyle and @surfyogi. Thanks a lot guys.
Your post has been curated by the steemjetrecords account
Good job as always @zyzymena
Sorry for arriving late...
Anonymous 1
Personally I'm not a subscriber to exes getting back together... Occasional hooking up if y'all arr both single because well, its not that easy to get over stuff like that... I won't judge you. But getting back together, that's a no-no from me. Besides it looks more like its your genitals that are doing the thinking in this case, wanting to get back together after sex🤷 there's more to a relationship than sex. Leave her and let her focus on her bobo
Hahaha @one-person, you mean business o. Anyway thank you so much for this winderful piece of advice. Getting back with an ex doesnt always end well.
Pleass keep coming to the show.
You rock zizy... It's the 24th episode and we are growing stronger with every passing episode.
It's nearly impossible for two people who come from different backgrounds together coexist without having differences. These differences are not as important as how they are handled. I once heard of a marriage that broke on the first day because of an issue that was handled wrongly.
The good thing is she (@zyzymena) listed points that could help handle conflicts in a relationship.
DATING TIPS
Staying away from not just the laptop is required but from all forms of things that have ability to draw your attention away from your partner.
It's been an amazing show today... Keep shining zizy
Thank you @korexe. You are very correct.
Wonderful episode @zyzymena. May God increase you in spirit so you can talk more about this important aspect of life.
Thank you @peakreal1 for coming around
Hey Zizy,
Ever wonderful on the way you bring robustness in discussing relationship issues. I do really enjoyed today's episode and I agree with you on each points you laid bare. Keep delivering, nwa baby.
Anonymous 1
It's up to you to figure how tied she's to the other guy. But Are you sure this latest interest by two of you isn't brought about by euphoria from sex after such a long time of separation? Chai! Konji is a bastard 😁. Personally, i don't see this working out in your favor since the root issue which is long distance is still there. I doubt if this latest experiment would work. However, you can give it a try.
Anonymous 2
I don't have time to review the previous feed back.
Zizy baby keep shinning with ever engaging episodes.
@eurogee
I don't know how I missed Anonymous 1 ooo @zyzymena. Just seeing it now... 😂😂
Anyway, i would go with Eurogee' point.
Besides, Uncle you've been separated for too long with no sex I guess. Konji really did you strong thing 😂. Well distance is not a barrier though but there will be trust issues. If you guys are ready to go take the risks then I think the love can be rekindled.
Thank you so much @eurogee, your words of wisdom are always appreciated.
Doing of chores... Mmm If i can't do it, I tell him If I have to cook and there are dishes to be washed. I stylishly and calmly tell him to do the dishes while I cook... It can be that easy... Lol
Funny Corner...
Stupid people! they are calling to check if you've not eaten for 7 days. Rubbish... 😂😂😂
Anonymous From Episode 22
Awwww 😭😭. That was a brave move. Well done! Yes, please let her know that you have another Job and the conditions attached. She's part of your life now and knows already. Don't keep anything from her. Meanwhile, you both need to find a way to put an end to this Job offers, you can't do this for the rest of your life. Think of a solution out as you also plan to leave the country. You never might know, the people involved might still try to reach you over there when you leave.
....@mizdais signing out....
Well done Zi... Lovely and an interesting topic you dropped here today.
😂😂😂 if you have not eaten for 7 days like seriously, they are the real demons.
Thanks @mizdais, i know i can always count on you to deliver. I believe you have said all anonymous 2 needs to know. For such beautiful comment you have won 1.5steem. Congrars dear
@zyzymena, you are really doing a great job through this program, even when the pay out and the general steemit situation is not encouraging, you still managed to keep your project going.
Kudos girl
The topic you dwelt on today is very important as issues are bound to arise in every relationship. You actually did justice to the topic.
To anonymous 1
You and this your sex mate are yet to define what you want. If the barrier which led to your earlier break up is still there, why coming back? I think it's the sexual satisfaction both of you gets that is confusing both of you. This renewal of love will die as soon as she goes back to her base.
If you guys can fix the barrier (distance) now, then go ahead if not no need.
Its so glad to see you here @dubem-eu. I am sorry i didnr commumicate the change. Thank you for staying faithful to the show, im really grateful.
I help my wife in terms of chores. A man who does not help his wife sometimes is not man enough. You help even straight to the kitchen. I cook sometimes and also help her to wash clothes.
We fight and reconcile . I apologize even when she is wrong to keep relationship.
Just know that marriage is for better for worse.
Thanks @zizymena
I dare say you are one of the few perfect gentlemen we have in this country. Nice one @cool08. How about talk to the anonymous writers. You seem vast in this matters
Great post, @zyzymena. Reminders of what it takes to have a successful relationship are never enough. It's very easy to forget what matters, what ruins and how to solve it before it is too late.
Thank you so much @hlezama, we need to keep reminding ourselves because relationships are part of our existence as humans.
For Anonymous 1: Distance is never a barrier but it will be for them because they will definitely have trust issues.
Anonymous 2: I am glad for him saying the truth. The truth has eventually set him free.
Thank you so much @imbigdee, you are so on point.
Looking at your show post I always feel it's too long but then I start reading and before I know it I'm done... For this episode I must say I learned alot about relationships, thanks for the tips they sure will come in handy!
Thank you @dawizy i know so many are discouraged because of the length of the post. Nowadays we are too lazy to read. Im glad you were patient enough to read through.
Nice one @zyzymena, my advice goes to anonymous 1, let your past be past, move forward and stop destroying another man's relationship, apart from that, you guys broke up in the first place because of distance, now again the distance factor still remain the same, now tell me when you two will not break up again because of that same distance, why not leave this girl alone, if she can cheat on the person she is dating right now, yours is loading.... A word is enough for........
Deep words. Im sure dear anonymous will think deeply on your words. Thanks for sharing @sola3097
Your tips on conflict resolution in relationship are very correct but it seems unattinable to many in this pride-filled World. How many husbands apologise with all their ego? How many couple dont yell at each other when there is trouble? But following your tips will bring lasting happiness and peace for any who want to work out things and stay. Thanks so much for this episode
Yes like you said following it will bring lasting happiness and peace for anyone who want to work things out abd stay. It is all about valuing your relationship and keeping your ego aside
Not to worry. I'll be there ✌️
Alright but here some peeps need your advice @udezee
In relationship bad things are bound to happen - how mature we are is what will matter then And been teachable
Distance is no good for a relationship. Communication remains the best juice for relationship.
Thank you @udezee
I upvoted your post.
Mabuhay, keep steeming.
@Filipino
Posted using https://Steeming.com condenser site.
Wait, as long as this post is, my name didn't appear once...izzokay, we meet where we meet.😈
@bookoons pardon me now😣😣😣
Another great epsiode i must say, more wisdom and strength zizy😍😍😍
Amen. Thanks @dayjee
Hello @zyzymena your post has been featured on the Stach Post Review Article--Link to post.
Thanks for using the Stach Tag.
Keep Being Creative!.
Courtesy - Stach Curation team
Thank you @stach
Thanks for mentioning me.