The Nightly News Translated Into Disturbingly Frank Speech - Covid-19 Special Edition (SATIRE)

in #fiction4 years ago


Deep Authoritative Voice: Live from BNN Studios, this is BNN headline news. Now here are your hosts, Authoritarian Tool and Shill...

Authoritarian Tool (zealous look into camera): Good evening. This is a special Coronavirus news report from BNN, your home for dark propaganda.

A tax slave who was caught on a bus today without a mask was beaten to a pulp by ten extortion-funded gang members with badges. When asked about the incident, one of the uniformed cult members said, “In order to keep everyone healthy and safe, we had to beat and coerce a man today for not wearing a flimsy paper mask that isn’t even airtight. Anyone who disagrees with our actions is a bioterrorist and a threat to everyone.” When asked if beating someone to keep them healthy and safe is a contradiction, the cult member said he didn’t know what a contradiction was and ran away.

Shill: A pseudo-scientist who gets fat stacks of violence-backed federal reserve notes to be a mouthpiece for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation stated that the Coronavirus was the greatest viral threat that humanity has faced in our lifetime. When asked if the belief in authority mind virus, which was responsible for hundreds of millions of deaths in the 20th century alone, was magnitudes worse, the psychopath turned red, screamed, freaked out, and ran away.

Authoritarian Tool: The figurehead of the USSA mafia announced from the extortion-funded White House in the District of Criminals that starting immediately, all businesses, youth indoctrination camps, and other public places would be required to have facial recognition and temperature reading machines. He said this would be a great leap forward for the global enslavement agenda and would also be a boondoggle for the corporate behemoth manufacturers of the machines. Anyone who doesn’t comply will have their property stolen and will be thrown in an extortion-funded cage, for everyone’s safety.

We’ll now take a break for a message from one of our malevolent sponsors.

Deep Authoritative Voice: Don’t want to wait in line to have your temperature taken when you go shopping?

Well, wait no more! A new app is available from the global technology leader, Gooplezonsoft!

What is it? How does it work?

It’s the temperature app, or, as we have so ingeniously named it, the Tapp! The Tapp stores all your biometric data, including current body temperature, and communicates it to any temperature machine in your proximity!

But that’s not all! It also communicates it directly to the gang with fancy titles, simultaneously!

So breeze through the violently mandated temperature lines the next time you’re at the store, with Tapp, the app that violates your core!

Only from Gooplezonsoft!

Shill: Welcome back. Isn't it amazing how this new technology becomes available just in time for a crisis? (looks at Authoritarian Tool)

Authoritarian Tool and Shill both cackle.

Shill (serious face): A book store was violently shut down today by badge-toting cult members. The owner and operator of the private property was beaten, quarantine shamed, and thrown in a cage indefinitely for having the audacity to run her business. The top cult member stated that his gang had received a tip from a good little snitch. He praised the snitch and said it was a wonderful sign that snitch society is taking hold, which will make a 1984-like police state much easier to manage and maintain. The same fearful little snitch later tried to tattle on the same uniformed cult member for having a pool party. The snitch has since disappeared and will likely never be available for comment.

Authoritarian Tool: A man was caught surfing alone at a beach today. He was tasered by a drone while still in the water, which fried him to death. When asked to comment about the authoritarian catastrophe, a psychopath from the local government gang responded with a boastful snicker, “This threat to public health will not be tolerated, and it shows how far the government is willing to go to keep people safe.” When asked if surfing on the beach alone was really a threat to anyone, the extortion-funded gang member cackled malevolently and scurried off.

Shill: A Satanic stooge from a huge death-peddling pharmaceutical company made an exciting announcement about a possible Covid-19 vaccine becoming available soon. He said that the vaccine will actually contain the Covid-19 virus, but not to worry, because the chicken embryo and mercury also used in the chemical cocktail posing as medicine will magically not allow the virus to cause any harm to anyone who injects it into their bloodstream. When asked if this was completely ludicrous for numerous reasons, including the fact that viruses mutate, the scientific poser shouted at the top of his lungs, “You just have to trust us!”, and then pouted and ran away.

Authoritarian Tool: Well, that’s all the time we have for this edition. Thanks for tuning in and brainwashing yourself. Keep it right here for more mind-control messages from BNN. Goodnight.

Thanks for your time and attention!
Just say "NO" to slavery!
Top image is from pixabay


Thank you for this. I find it pretty awesome that you use so much sarcasm, but this is exactly how this shit is going down. So much truth in this writing of yours, I do sincerely appreciate it.

Thanks for your kind comments @unknownOnline. I think that sometimes it's easier to reach people with the truth through fiction, so that's what I've been trying to do for a few years now.

It is a great approach. good work!

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