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Does a great burger really require five guys?
It's taken me a long time to visit five guys, mainly because I've struggled with the loss of the all you can eat pizza hut buffet that used to occupy the very walls that five guys now inhabits. With enough time having passed and realisation of a place called 'chapelfield' with another Pizza hut in, I finally gave in and ventured into this brightly lit burger production line. In essence it seems to have a similar sort of style to subway, pick a burger, toppings and sauces, then watch as your burger moves along the pass getting cooked and an assortment of goodies being added to it. The whole time being able to scrutinise the staff just incase someone drops it on the floor. Without further stalling I'll commence at once.
The Burger
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I opted for bacon cheeseburger which comes as a double patty, with grilled onions, lettuce, pickles, jalapeño chillies, mayo and 'little fries'. All of this came to a fairly hefty £11.90 which for fast food is up there in the price bracket. As long as it's fresh and tasty, something five guys brags about, it should be worth it. Drinks range from £3 to £5 roughly which seriously racks up your bill, tap water for me! The burger comes served traditional Central American style; wrapped in vast quantities of tinfoil. Something that I really enjoyed as it took me back to the good ol'days travelling around the dodgy backstreet bars of Mexico city where bone china plates are a luxury item.
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As with the start of all essential burger ordering I went straight in for the medium rare question, priding themselves on freshly prepared burgers cooked to order I was shocked to be told no. All burgers are cooked well done, end of. A huge shame because in the eating the burger was slightly dry and could of done with less cooking. I was told this was for health and safety reasons, which I know 100% is false because other restaurants are serving medium rare burgers no questions asked. The actual taste was alright with a reasonable level of seasoning, just a tad more moisture inside the patty would of really taken it up a notch.
The bacon took crispy to a level I didn't even think was possible. It was insanely crisp, I can only assume it is deep fried to get the that level. It added a nice crunchy texture in the otherwise soft burger but unfortunately it just didn't really taste of much. I can't believe I'm actually going to say this but I would of actually preferred non-crispy but tastier bacon. Crispy bacon is the dream scenario, but you have to get the basics right first and at least start with some prime smoked gear.
The cheese was classic American plastic 'cheese' melted into the perfect square that it comes vacuum formed in, containing about as much milk as school dinners since Maggie T had her way*. The taste was non-existent, it purely adds a creamyness that compensates for the slightly overcooked drier burgers. As I always say, if it's not a proper cheese, don't bother. What is a proper cheese I hear you ask? Well this all depends on the other toppings combined with the burger but as a general rule of thumb: mature chedder, blue cheese, brie, camembert, gorgonzola or feta (only in greek style burgers) are all good starting points.
The pickles helped cut through all of this and added a much needed palate cleansing touch to the whole affair, but they were the classic bought in crinkle cut bad boys you'd expect in a McDonalds. Either way with all the creamy tasteless mouth clagging probably dairy free 'cheese' something was needed to cut through. The jalapeños were surprisingly not that hot for fresh ones. They are commonly mistaken for a mild chilli but picked fresh can actually be quite potent and leave a satisfying burn on the tongue, these ones did not. I myself confess I am a bit of a chilliphile** and these did not quite hit the spot.
The bun was soft. It could of been toasted to add an extra texture. Due to the Mexican foil wrapping the burger sweats and the bun ends up looking a little sad by the time you unwrap it. Similar vein to the lettuce really, with foil packing you need a hefty chunk of the heart of a lettuce, something that can withstand a bit of sealed in heat without going floppy and limp. I suspect they used Iceberg from the look of the leaf, I would recommend for this style, either a baby gem or romaine hearts.
The sides
I will put a disclaimer on these fries for anyone with high cholesterol, blood pressure or heart problems. There is more salt in one portion of chips that the entirety of the Dead sea. I'm a fan of good seasoning but this was extreme, could it just be a ploy to then buy a hugely overpriced drink? Most probably. After only a small portion I drank nearly 2 litres of water, and I still feel thirsty even now, several hours later. A plus point they were nice and crispy.Also worth noting I had to pay for these separately.
Overall
If it comes across like I'm being particularly picky about this burger you could assume correct. I am being overly critical because to me, this burger looks, tasted and smelt like a slightly upgraded big mac yet for twice the cost. Or another way of putting it; a much worse version of Captain Americas. For £11.20, a whole 70 pence cheaper, you could go to Captain Americas and get their 'Classic' flagship burger, a freshly cooked half pound burger medium rare with enough chips to solve world hunger whilst knowing you are supporting a local Norwich based business, so to me, five guys just doesn't meet the standards to which their prices are aimed. As a takeaway burger priced around £7 all in I could maybe say this ensemble was worthwhile and it would get a higher rating, but at their current exorbitant prices it's just not. Especially when most pub burger meals are around £10 with some even throwing in a free pint.
Follow @theburgerman to find out how Mcdonalds faired in the next review.
4/10
Five Guys
117-127 Orford Place
NR1 3QA
*Margaret Thatcher famously took milk of school children, travelling round the U.K. in her spare time doing so.
**Chiiliphile - Someone who loves chillis and the mouth tantalising burn that follows, unfortunately at both ends of the alimentary tract.
Great review! Not sure if it tastes the same as your version, but I didn't find five guys in the U.S. that special either.
thanks very much, hope you enjoy all the ones to come!
I have one suggestion for 5 Guys Burgers.
For heaven's sake you have 5 guys working and not one of you thought to thoroughly season your meat.